The Difference Between You and Me
by MotherNight92
Summary: [ON-GOING] Kagamine Len has a secret. He is transsexual. He never wanted to be a girl, and hates his body for being this way. All he wants is to be accepted for who he is. However, he's scared to tell people the truth. He's so afraid of people knowing what's wrong with him. He doesn't want people to realise he's not like other guys. [Warning: BL]
1. Kagamine Len

**Warnings: **Foremost this is BL aka Boys Love aka **Yaoi**. Don't like, don't read. Also! Len _and_ Rin in this story are both **Transsexual**. If you don't like that, that's fine; but it might be wise not to read this story. Besides that, there is sex in this story (how many scenes, I don't know lol) so yes, this is M18! As far as any other warnings go, I don't know. I'll add more if any arise!

**Author's Notes: **I am dyslexic. If there is something wrong (something doesn't make sense or wrong words used), I can't help this. I'm doing the best I can, so please bear with me. If you do notice something, don't be afraid to let me know. I do re-read everything I write, but that's the best I can do. Sorry! Also, I am a student and on prac, so I may not have much time to write &amp; upload, but I will try!

This is my second Kaito x Len story, so I hope you enjoy ;) I was kinda nervous uploading this, but I hope you all like it. The title is still a work-in-progress, so mind it :P

* * *

**Chapter One**

"I can't believe I've done it again," a quiet voiced echoed against the shower walls, almost muted under the spray of water. Curled up in a ball, the water gently patting along his back, a young blonde hair boy, Kagamine Len, mumbled a multiple of curses under his breath, feeling a little embarrassed in himself. He couldn't help but stare down ate his red hands, wondering if people were beginning to notice his unusual behaviour. In middle school, he'd gotten out of sports merely by a whim, but since entering high school, he didn't have the luxury. What was he to do expect leave a little bit earlier, shower and be dressed before the guys return from the field or wherever they were playing sport.

The problem was that Len was ashamed of his body. He was _different_. The problem was Len was born with female gentiles. He was even ashamed to think of the world they used to describe people like him. He knew he shouldn't be, but he didn't know how else to think. Everyone who knew about it, treated him as if he wasn't _worthy_ of anything. His parents were a constant reminder that he was "imperfect" and would never be "perfect". They told him often enough that no one would want him, and because of this, he felt weak and useless.

He should have blocked them out, but he grew up with it. Though he was never really neglected (they weren't _that_ cruel), they never really seemed to care about him. He was just a smudge on their name, and spent their whole lives trying to hide what was wrong with him. It had been so badly burnt into him to hide his true self that even now, he couldn't bear to have people know. It was just a dark secret that would burden him for life.

"I just want to be normal," Len whispered as he clenched his hands, trying not to cry again. If he didn't hurry up, the boys would return and then he'd been in trouble. After a minute, Len reached up to turn the taps off when he heard to door open and voices fill the room next door. _Shit_, he took too long! At least the steam would hide him, but he knew he would not be able to leave the shower until they were in the stalls and creating more steam with the water.

The door that opened into the shower room clicked and swung wide open, the hall filling with rowdy boys. Some people made comments about Len still being here, since he was normally completely dressed and almost out the door. One guy even went as far as to questioning why when he yelped. Len turned briefly to the voices, hearing the guy whine.

"Shion, what was that for?"

"Stop picking on him," the voice retorted before he heard a noise at his stall. "Are you alright, Len?" the voice asked.

Len nodded, staring at the floor. "I'm fine…"

"Are you sure, I mean, you're crouched down there and all."

Len laughed weakly. "I really am fine." There was a brief silence between them before he heard the other pull away from the stall door to yell at some of the guys. Clenching his eyes closed, Len prayed they were all in the stalls as he reached up and turned the shower off. He didn't check when he stepped out, wrapping the towel around his waist. He hoped he could move fast enough to get out of them.

"Len?"

Jumping, Len turned slightly towards the voice, staring at the grinning boy down the other end. "Y-Yes?"

"Good job today," Shion-senpai said brightly, beaming his contagious smile down at him.

Len smiled weakly at him before bolting from the room. He felt his face begin to flush as he moved towards his lockers. He wouldn't lie, but Shion-senpai somehow always made Len feel better. Shion-senpai was meant to be in the grade above, but he was sick for some time, and was held back to repeat his first year of high school. Because of that, he'd become a mentor for their year level, being slightly older and mature than the freshmen's. He was also the only one who acknowledged Len's efforts to fit in. Though he didn't know the reason, and had speculated out loud once before that Len hadn't participated in sport for health reason, he still constantly told Len he was doing a good job.

Secretly, Len had begun to fall for Shion-senpai. He knew he shouldn't, but sometimes things just happened like that. Despite everything, he did secretly pray that one day Shion-senpai could, and would return those feelings. For now, he would remain silent and continue to live the way he was; silent and broken.

* * *

Len had barely stepped in the door when he was met with disaster. "Dear god, Rin! Put a towel around you!" Len cried, slamming the apartment door shut and racing to his little sister at the end of the hallway. Rin was barely six year old, and though she was home before him and had bathed, she was still unable to dress herself without crying. Grabbing the discarded towel, he wrapped it around her waist, trying not to look into her teary eyes. Rin was no different from Len, having been born with male gentiles. Once Len had seen her, he'd argued with his mother about the situation.

_"Why the hell didn't you ask for the operation? Why are you punishing Rin like this? You can have this fixed and give her a normal life!"_

_"Why should I waste my money on you freaks?!"_

Len had cried for weeks after that. Rin, a little infant, would never understand the dark look in her parent's eyes. Unlike Len, however, she wasn't alone. He'd taken good care of her, and despite arguing constantly with his parents, he put her happiness before his own. She was too young to understand just yet what life was going to offer. When Len turned thirteen, he took Rin and moved into an apartment away from them. His parents paid for the place, and their only bargain in it was that they were never to come home. They got money when they needed it, so that was fine. Only recently Len had gotten a part time job, and hoped to god that no one at school found out. It was against school policy to have a job, but their parents had slacked off with money and they still had to feed themselves somehow.

"Why am I weird, nii-san?" Rin whimpered, clutching onto Len.

"You're not weird, Rin," Len soothed, cuddling her close. "You're perfect the way you are, and nii-san loved you lots."

"Really?"

"Really, really," Len smiled, leaning back to look her in the eye. Poking her nose, he grinned and picked her up into his arms. "Now, let's get you dressed and then we can make dinner."

"Dinner!"

Len eventually got her into her warm PJ's and then began making their food. Once they both ate, they cuddled up on the couch, watching cartoons until Rin fell asleep. Once she was in bed, he settled down at the kitchen table to do his homework. It was going to be just another long night.

* * *

**A/N:** So, Chapter One is pretty short. Sorry about that, but it is the introduction to the story. And no, I don't think transsexualism is a joke. Just in case some people think that, I don't take it as a joke.


	2. Shion Kaito

**Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **BL aka Boys Love aka Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut.

**A/N: **So, welcome to chapter two. I'm currently in the middle of prac, which is exhausting. Who would have thought taking care of little babies was hard? So many nappies changed, beds made, bottles prepared, noses blown and cuddles after tears. Back is dead, legs swollen, knees bruised, hands throbbing... and I still have two... more... days...

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Shion Kaito wasn't really the most popular guy around. Maybe amongst the first years, but nowhere else. He had this air around him that made people relax, and had an uncanny habit of flashing that contagious smile of his whenever he looked at someone. It was probably why Len liked him so much, yet despite all that he never really had the guts to walk over and say hi. The only interaction they had was after P.E, where Shion-senpai praised him for trying hard. Otherwise, Shion-senpai was out in the front row seat, chatting to his friends that walked over at the beginning of class. Len, being the loner he was, sat at the far back, close to the door so he could escape quickly if he needed to.

Still, today was one of those unusual days where the roster was called out, and Len found out he had after class duties… with Shion-senpai. _All week_. Of course, there were a few complaints about it, something about Shion-senpai was having a party one afternoon for some reason, however, and Shion-senpai told them it'll work out. Of course, Len was too focused on his own thoughts rather than what was going on in the classroom, so much that he missed the glance Shion-senpai gave him by mere seconds.

Class continued on, and as lunch break came around, Len bolted from the room to find his only _true _friend to tell him the good news.

* * *

"Hmm, so you and Shion-san are on duty this week?"

Len sat in front of a senior, who happened to be his close friend and fellow secret keeper. He'd stumbled across the "truth" by mere accident when he came around to introduce himself. Kamui Gakupo-senpai happened to live down the hall from his apartment. Though he was only there half the time (sometimes he returned home while others he worked with his father at the shop, though Kamui-senpai never told him _what shop_); so it had been about a week before he came over to introduce himself. It had been a horrible start, with Len trying to get Rin in the shower. Considering Len had never owned a place on his own and never really had such responsibilities before, he hadn't noticed the front door was open and slightly ajar.

_It could have been worse_, Len told himself. Kamui-senpai had been composed, never spoke one word about Len's or Rin's body, but instead offered to help Len get her showered and into bed. They talked for a while afterwards, where Kamui-senpai found out Len was about to attend his high school. Since then, if Len ran into trouble or had work (which school _actually_ allowed as Len was a special case because of his situation) Kamui-senpai would take care of Rin. It worked most of the time, but if Kamui-senpai couldn't, normally his mother would pop over until either of them got back.

It was strange, actually; Kamui-senpai's mother also knew, yet she treated them as if they were just normal children. It had been so surreal, considering the family they'd come from. Sometimes, Len had to pinch himself just to make sure he wasn't dreaming it.

"So is this why you look ready to jump off the walls?" he asked, a slight grin on his pale lips.

Len nodded enthusiastically. "This will be the first time I talk to him _without_ his crew being with him, senpai! It's just what I needed to speak to him."

"I don't see why you've had trouble so far," Gakupo shrugged, taking a sip from his juice bottle. "He's an easy-going guy to speak to, and just because he has heaps of friends doesn't change him at all."

"It's not _him_, it's his friends! He's never alone, _never_. I just can't wander over there, it's too crowded and dangerous."

Gakupo laughed. "It's not dangerous, Len. You're just intimidated by them. After all, you are pretty short."

Len stuck his tongue out at him. "I'm not _that_ short!"

"Short enough," Gakupo chuckled, watching Len as he sulked. "Alright, I'm sorry. It doesn't change the situation that you are intimidated by them. They're all pretty territorial of Shion-kun. However, that's the type of people they are. Close nit; if someone has a problem, it's their problem as well. Besides, they all what Shion-kun to be happy. After last year, he needs all the support he can get."

Len sat there, chewing his bottom lip. To be honest, he didn't know what happened last year. He never wanted to ask, simply because it was rude. Besides, if Shion-senpai wanted him to know, he would have said something… right?

"Is it bothering you, not knowing?" Gakupo guessed his thoughts. "It's pretty common knowledge in the school."

"I know… but I haven't heard the story."

"Hmm… maybe he's better asking than I. I only know bits and pieces of it myself."

All people actually knew was one day, early last year, Shion-senpai never attended class. It had been spoke at the assembly the next day he's collapsed and was rushed to hospital… where he stayed for the rest of the year. That was all Len actually knew, but even with that, it was like not knowing at all. Before Len spoke up again, the bells chimed, prompting a groan from the too. "It didn't feel that long."

"That was my fault, since I was talking to sensei," Gakupo ruffled Len's hair before he stood up, stretching his longs arms up into the sky. He let out a loud yawn as he did. "Anyways, a few more hours then we're home free… which reminds me, do you have work tonight, or do you intend to be home?"

Len gave it a moment's thought. "I might be late."

"Alright, I'll pick Rin up and stay with her until you get home," he replied before waving goodbye, heading off before Len. Gakupo didn't care if people knew they were friends, but for Len it was still a touchy subject. It was best people just _didn't_ know. How would he explain it to them anyways?

* * *

Len wasn't sure on _what_ to say.

Class was just dismissed and both were going through the day's work, making sure everyone had handed up the appropriate papers and assignments for each class; carefully signing off the people who had submitted and those who hadn't. Next, they'd have to make sure the floor was clean and the chairs on the tables. The board needed to be cleaned as well the erasers. Once done, they were home free.**[1]** Of course, that didn't change the fact that they hadn't started talking _now_. Sure, they had all that time, but they should say-

"Hey, Len?"

"Y-YES!" Len cried, jumping a little. Shion-senpai gave him a strange look, chuckled and carried on as if it never happened.

"What are you doing Saturday?"

Well, he had nothing exactly planned for the weekend. Knowing him, he'd probably shut himself away at home and play games all day, or do his homework. "Why?" Len asked nervously.

"Were you paying attention in class today?"

Len blushed and shook his head.

"Didn't think so," Shion-senpai chuckled, finishing off his stack of paper. He stood up and stretched. "I'm having a party Saturday, in celebration of being cancer-free."

Len tensed, sat there and stared. "…Cancer?"

Shion-senpai nodded, giving him a somber look. "I was diagnosed with cancer about four years ago. I'm now finally cancer-free."

"That… was why you were hospitalized last year?"

"Yeah, thing went nasty last year. Too many scares, too many times the doctors said don't expect to see yourself turn eighteen. Yeah, it was pretty scary, but I showed them guys!" Shion-senpai turned, grinning at Len. "I fainted at school last year, you know. I felt really strange and there was so much pain I just collapsed. They rushed me to hospital, and I swear I didn't go outside for the rest of the year. I didn't have time to study, there were always tests and stuff going on that I felt uneasy coming back. I'm a year older than all of you, but I'm surprised how well I've managed to fit it," Shion-senpai's eyes saddened, and he looked away. "I was just like you, you know."

_I highly doubt that,_ Len thought, but didn't say anything. He just let Shion-senpai continue.

"I didn't make friends when I entered high school. I thought along the lines that if I made friends, in months' time, they'd mourn me. I was scared of that happening, and I let that fear get the best of me. It was probably why I collapsed in the end." He went silent for a moment. "Every time I see you, I can't help but think what's holding you back. Why you're scared to integrate." He looked at Len from over his shoulder. "That's why you remind me of myself."

Len looked away, closing his eyes. He wasn't ready to admit anything to Shion-senpai just yet.

"Anyways, what you doing after class?" Len jumped, realising that Shion-senpai was now right in front of him, grinning brightly.

"W-Why?"

"Wanna get something to eat and talk about things. I've gotta find good damn reasons to convince you to come to my party, right?" He winked, giving Len a mischievous smile.

* * *

**[1]** "At the end of the academic day, all students participate in _o soji_, the cleaning of the school. They sweep the classrooms and the hallways, empty trash cans, clean restrooms, clean chalkboards and chalk erasers, and pick up trash from the school grounds. After _o soji_, school is dismissed and most students disperse to different parts of the school for club meetings." (quote from Stanford Program on International and Cross-Cultural Education)

**A/N:** There originally was going to be another part to this chapter after that last scene about what they discuss, but it was boring, unrelated and unnecessary. There is no development either, so I felt it wasn't worth putting it in. Plus, it was literally _boring _hahaha


	3. Embarrassing Dreams

**Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **BL aka Boys Love aka Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut.

**A/N: **So... I was doing some research on personality disorders for an assignment when I read up about a disorder called "Avoidant Personality Disorder". The minute I saw that I was like, OH WOW, that's Len! The short summary wiki gave was: "_Hesitant, self-conscious, embarrassed, and anxious. Tense in social situations due to fear of rejection. Plagued by constant performance anxiety. Sees self as inept, inferior, or unappealing. Feels alone and empty."_ Doesn't that sound exactly like Len in this story? Anyways, it surprised me a little! Also! This chapter isn't a full-blown smut scene, why? Well, read and find out ;)

* * *

**Chapter Three**

It was strange, this whole thing. Len had just left the field to go have his shower when he felt… odd. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he glanced backwards to the group of guys still hanging around, laughing with the girls, and found his eyes connected straight to Shion-senpai's. Blushing, Len turned away and dashed off into the locker room, silently begging his heart to stop pounding. If people had been close by, they probably could have heard it thumping in his chest. He wouldn't think about that now. He had things to do, and he'd have to meet up with Gakupo to tell him how their afternoon went. There were so many things to talk about, particularly what was discussed. Len still couldn't _believe_ Shion-senpai had invited _him_ to his pool party.

_HIM!_

"Stop thinking about it," Len muttered as he began to strip his clothes off. As he did, he ran his hands slowly down his exposed body. His fingers caressed the smooth skin that was clean of all injuries yet not clean of blemishes. He could count every last freckle, name when they first appeared and how long they'd been there. He wasn't covered in them, but they were there. Hard to see unless one saw his body up close. He wondered if there were any other's he couldn't see, like on his back, or on his buttock. Maybe there were some, but he wouldn't know unless someone told him.

"You're wasting time"! Len snapped at himself as he went to grab his towel from his bag. "They won't be long, so you need to get a move on!" his hands rummaged through his bag, pulling the clean white towel out. It was so nice and soft; almost like a bunch of feathers or cotton balls stuck onto a sheet. It caused shivers on his skin whenever he ran its contents over his flesh, and just thinking about it gave him Goosebumps.

"Hurry up!" he snapped at himself, turning around to move on but came to an immediate halt. He'd not heard the door open, and considering it was bloody heavy and creaked as if its hinges were rusty, he'd not heard a damn thing. Of course, the person standing before him wasn't really looking at him… they were looking.

All of a sudden his vision blurred and the next thing he knew he was plummeting towards the ground. He should have expected a heavy landing, but someone caught him, keeping him from getting hurt. For a long moment, Len stood there, trying to steady himself. His breathing was out of control; _clearly_ hyperventilating! He couldn't see anything, and his throat were screaming in pain. Yet, he kept hearing this quiet voice, calling his name.

Finally, after what felt like forever, his eyes readjusted themselves, his mind slowly focused on the present and realised he was staring up into a very worried Shion-senpai. He was saying something, but nothing seemed to get through to him. This was too much, too painful. He never wanted someone to find out. No like this, _never_ like this. It had happened once before, but it should not have happened again.

"Len!"

"…Yes?" Len whispered, finally about to catch up with Shion's voice.

"Are you ok?"

"…No…" Len admitted in a quiet voice. "I-I… Let go…"

"Do you think you can even stand on those legs?"

He had realised how viciously shocked he was; his legs were vibrating from the rapid shaking they were doing. However, it didn't take him any longer to realise they were shaking from the shock. He felt humiliated. "…Please… let me go…" Len whispered. Never mind the fact that he actually did like being in this embrace, and would have liked it more if the circumstances were different.

"I can't. You're trembling-"

"Please let me go!" Len cried, mustering whatever stretch he had to shove Shion off of him and bolt down into the shower room. He choose a stall out of random and hid inside, but didn't bother to lock it since it was easy enough to reach over the low door and unlock it anyways. Instead, he pressed his back against it, preventing it from being opened. There was a few seconds of silences, where only Len's breathing filled to room, and then the main door creaked open and someone moved into the room. The door shut so silently behind them, that if Len hadn't caught the click of it slide back in, he probably would have assumed it never closed at all.

"Len… come out… it's ok to be embarrassed."

"Embarrassed!" Len cried loudly. "I'm not embarrassed, I'm _ashamed_ of this body. I'm terrified of what people will say, because it's abnormal."

"It's not abnormal," Shion retorted. "No one ever said it was abnormal."

"You clearly don't follow any type of news then," Len muttered as Shion continued.

"Besides, who says anything about a man's body being normal? As far as science goes, they claim a man penis is just an inside out uterus… I think… it's been a while since it was last mentioned. Maybe it wasn't the uterus."

Len realised that he'd laughed. Bitterly, but at least he laughed. "What would you know?"

"Well… obviously nothing about the reproductive system, that's for sure," Shion muttered. "Len, come on. I'm not going to freak out over something like this."

"Other people do… my mother did."

"Then you're mother is a retard," Shion commented. "A mother should love their child no matter what."

"Sometimes, senpai, mothers don't. Sometimes a mother doesn't want their child because there's something wrong with it. Sometimes they abort their child because they were idiots and got pregnant; all because they didn't get their partner to wear a condom."

"Well, condoms don't always work. I mean, hell, if they worked a hundred percent of the time, **I** wouldn't be here."

Len went silent, just silent. "…You were an accident?"

"Tragically, I was. At least my parents were happy enough to keep me. Though _that's_ an embarrassing story they like to bring up." Len could hear the grin in Shion's voice, and realised he was smiling too. That was pretty silly, but still. The smile dropped, Len went back to moping. "Len?" He heard Shion put his hands on the stall door and knew Shion was looking down at him. "Let me in."

"I…"

He what? What did he want? He felt a hand reach out, brushing the side of his neck, tangling into the hair. "Len…" Shion's voice came in an excited purr. In a spur of panic, he jumped forward; no longer protecting the stall door. Before he could catch up with reality, he was pressed against the shower wall, lips pressing down on his neck while another hand began to caress his skin. Len felt his breath hitch, and went to push away when he was spun around and pinned against the wall. His vision blackened with the impact, but his ears caught the sound of the water turning on. When his eyes began to regain focus, he found himself looking away from Shion's heated eyes. What… what was going on here? This was all too… surreal. This couldn't be happening, right? I-Impossible! "Len, look at me," Shion's voice was hot, making Len's legs tremble.

"I…I…"

Shion laughed in his ear, running his fingers over Len's bare chest. "I guess if you won't look at me, I'll just have to make you, now won't I?" He purred before biting down on Len's ear, making his squeak. It didn't hurt, just surprised him. "Len…" he moaned, pressing his body right up against. "Len… look at me…"

Len swallowed his gasp down, not wanting to give in. Was the water really that hot? He felt as if his body had been lit alight. He moved his arms towards Shion, wanting to pushing him away, but the action brought their bodies closer, and the action caused him to grasp onto Shion's shoulders, holding their bodies together. It was only then did he realise the water was hot… it was freezing cold. "S-Sen…pai…?"

"Yes?"

"I…You need to get off me," Len spoke, feeling his voice losing the battle. No, they needed to separate! "The… other will… will be here soon…" no, he wasn't going to surrender. This was just a game Shion was playing to humiliate Len. Yes, that was it. He wasn't going to be a victim to outside influence again. He refused-

"The other's won't come here. They left ages ago."

Without a shower…? Len felt his breath jump again. Shion's hands now rested on his hips; his fingers massaging them. "S-Senpai… we've gotta stop this," Len finally said, gripping Shion to push him away. "P-Please let go."

Something froze in Shion, and for a moment, they stood there under the cold spray, almost like if they were trying to catch their breath. For a minute, he felt Shion with draw into a hesitate position. He was debating, weighing his options. Len just knew it, and secretly hoped that Shion wouldn't move, despite his own protests.

However, Shion stepped away, letting Len go. Maybe it was shocked that caused Len's legs to give out, or maybe he really didn't have them stable yet. He couldn't be certain. "Sen…pai…" Len whispered, looking up. He almost expected a face filled with dark amusement, but instead he met a serious look. "…sen…"

"Do you want me, Len?"

Len blinked, then blinked again. Was he seriously… asking…? "…I…"

"Tell me now; if you don't, I'll walk away."

"And… if I tell you I do…?" Len asked nervously, breathlessly.

Shion smiled a knowing smile. That was all he needed to do to answer the question.

Taking a shaky breath, Len tried to answer but felt the words clog up. He couldn't speak, just couldn't.

"Len… do you want me?"

With no way to form words, Len nodded then turned his head away.

"Then let me do this."

Len didn't have any time to react. His ears caught the sound of a wet cloth hitting the floor just as Shion reached out, capturing Len's lips in his own. Everything was lost then, and Len couldn't help but reach towards Shion, wanting more. His right arm slipped over Shion's shoulder, settling on his back as his right hand slipped into Shion's hair, pulling closer, deeper into the kiss. He'd never been kissed, yet that didn't seem to matter. Shion pulled Len up against him, pressing their bodies against each other. Their chests together, Len could almost feel Shion's heart pounding against his own chest. Maybe it was his own heart? Maybe it was both? Then, the kiss broke. Len gasped for the air he desperately needed before he felt Shion's lips trace his neck. Unable to help himself, he arched his head back, exposing the virgin skin to the merciless lips that delicately licked and suckled. From his neck, the lips followed along a shoulder, down to the bare breast.

Unlike Shion who was fit, Len didn't show any signs of muscles form. Unlink Shion, he was perfectly flat. Some part of Len did feel slightly jealous, but he knew the reason for it. He knew all too well.

Maybe out of courtesy, Shion didn't hover there long, instead, he coaxed Len to lie down. Flat on the floor, Shion had an easier vantage to Len's stomach. It didn't take him long to work out there was one spot on the side that was sensitive. He teased the area, hearing Len's breath hick as he did. Then, he moved his lips along, skipping over the crotch and focusing immediately on his left thigh. It was sensitive here, but not as sensitive. By the time he finished his journey, he was delicately running his tongue just under the bone in his ankle.

Then, he stopped, looked up at Len for the first time since his venture. There Len lied, bare and exposed. The stall was just big enough for Len to almost lie down flat, with his legs lean up against the stall door, with his toes just peeking outside. He was shaking, the water pounding on his stomach, trickling down to the ground. It almost blurred his face, and clearly Shion didn't like that. He leaned forward, once against kissing Len's lips. As he did, he reached up, turning the cold water off so it no longer annoyed him. Then, he sat back, and looked.

To be honest, Len felt embarrassed with Shion assessing him. It almost made him want to recover his body, yet for some reason, he just let Shion look at him. Turning away, he just laid there, not sure what to do. It could end bad, or it could-

"Len, can I?"

Len jolted, turning his head back to Shion, back to where his hand hovered. Len wasn't sure what to say. "D-Do what?"

"Can I touch you here?"

Len stared at him, then as his face flushed red, he covered his face with his arm and nodded. He didn't want to watch. Didn't want to see what was going to happen. There was a moment where nothing happened, then Len felt the fingers brush him, then penetrate. It startled him, his body jolted with the connection, but he didn't look up. He kept his arms there and bit his lip. It shouldn't feel weird, he'd touched himself down there before; had massaged and played with it in order to relieve stress or just to satisfy his own needs. But it _did_ feel weird. It felt… weird yet… wonderful. Maybe sensing this, Shion pushed a second finger. _That_ actually hurt more than he thought, but it was dulled away as Shion thrust his fingers in and out, creating a sloppy sounding noise that made Len cringe. The room began to fill with that noise and his own breathing; slowing enticing a strange, pleasing feel and sound.

Almost as if he was sensing all this as well, Shion pushed his third finger. _That_ hurt even more, but with each thrust, the pleasure was fading, the pain burning. He went to reach out to stop Shion, but found his arm just flop beside him, his other hand clenched against his mouth, muffling his cries. The longer it went on, the more the feeling changed. A delicious sensation of pain and pleasure. His body arched up, feeling his stomach hurt; his body was just ready to explode. Each breath was accompanied by a shuddering breath and a moan of some sort. He was getting wetter with each thrust, feeling closer to a climax.

Then the world shattered into a white haze, his own cry distant as his body jolted. The thrusting didn't stop, the orgasm climbing higher and higher, rising him to a point he could no longer get higher, but just remain there. His hands balled up against his side, his body fought the pleasure at the same time to rip at it.

And for the first time in a while, Len heard Shion's voice. "That's it Len. Keep coming."

It was so dirty, yet the words pushed him closer to an edge. Everything focused on his breathing and the feeling of the fingers bringing him over the edge. Still caught up in his last orgasm, he felt his body hit another wave, and unable to hide anything, he let out a pleasure filled scream.

Then… everything stopped. The sensation in between his legs numbed, and the fingers withdrew, despite his own body's protest. Shaking, breathing heavily, Len tried to catch up with the present. Everything was numb and muted, and his eyes just didn't want to move past the white haze. His body was still convulsing; his legs trembled up against Shion. It felt forever before Len's body began to settle, the spasms slowing, though not completely going away. "…en…?"

Len tried to focus on the voice, and as he did, his eyes finally cleared. Shion was close, his hand gently brushing the side of his face. "…sen…pai…?"

Shion smiled softly, his eyes gentle. "Len, did that feel good?"

Len just nodded, trying to settle his breathing.

"Do you want more?" As a suggestion, Shion pressed his hips against Len.

Len tried to focus on Shion, but this time his vision…began…to…go…black…

* * *

Gakupo sat there, his face as red as Len's, who'd hidden his face in his hands. "Senpaaiiiiii!"

"I get it!" Gakupo coughed, taking a drink from his juice. "How… bad…?"

"Drenched, completely drenched. It almost looked like I'd wet the bed."

"Well shit, Len. Why didn't you come over this morning. I would have helped you cleaned it up, or taken Rin so she didn't have to witness anything."

"It doesn't change anything, Senpai. I literally orgasmed and messed my bed up. It was so damn real."

Gakupo just coughed. It was probably best he didn't say anything to that.

* * *

**A/N:** Before you all freak out and think I was being lazy and ended it quick, I'll let you know now that I planned on it being a dream. There is NO WAY they would have moved along that fast, otherwise there wouldn't be any more chapters. The idea was that Len was going to have a dream not just to show you guys he's serious, but to have an extra reason why in the next chapter he explodes. Besides, the real stuff isn't gonna happen for a while now xD


	4. Humiliated

**Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **BL aka Boys Love aka Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut.

**A/N: **I was pretty worried about this chapter because I didn't make Kaito's friends vocaloid characters. They're OC's simply because I didn't want to limit the characters to just "vocaloids". Besides I already have plans for Miku, Meiko, Gumi and Luka in later chapters. This is the same day as chapter three, so don't freak out over what happens. If you were worked up over a dream, you'd be pretty snarly... right? ..._right_?

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Sighing on his way back to class, Len was trying to figure out what he was going to do. He swore that since this morning, he'd kept his eyes away from Shion-senpai, to the point he was particular avoiding him. Maybe Shion-senpai had noticed, maybe he hadn't… no, he definitely hadn't. After all, Shion-senpai was once again surrounded by people; laughing and joking like he always did.

Yawning, Len tried to push it out of his mind. As real as it felt, it had been a dream… a very _strange_ dream. It had been way too humiliating to think about, especially when Rin comment that her big brother wet the bed like she did. Maybe being young and naïve worked best in his favour; the last thing he wanted to explain to her why his bed was wet.

With a loud groan, he tried to shove that into the back of his mind as well. He was grown boy, fifteen years old to be exact, yet here he was, letting such little thing bother him. Since Len's eyes peered down at the floor, he hadn't be watching where he was going and slammed into someone's back, which made him drop to the floor as if he was dead weight. "Ouch!" Len whimpered, looking at his red hand before looking up to apologize. Instead, his face dropped and his voice vanished.

Shion-senpai looked down at him, his annoyed expression changed to one filled with concern when he realised who it was. "Len! Are you alright?" he held his hand out, offer to help Len up.

Len nodded, accepting the offered hand, fighting the blush that was beginning to bloom. "I-I'm sorry, Shion-senpai. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"No harm," Shion-senpai shrugged, frowning a little. "It was probably just as much my fault as yours. I'd just stopped dead in the middle of the hallway to answer a text," he stated, holding his mobile up to show Len. Some small part of him felt envious. Everyone had a mobile but him! _I can't afford it at the moment. It'll have to wait,_ he told himself firmly. Then, watching Shion-senpai for a minute he remembered the dream and couldn't fight the blush, which seemed to make Shion-senpai rather curious. "Is something wrong?"

"N-No! O-Of course not!" Len laughed nervously. It was way too obvious because Shion-senpai's face dropped, looking unnerved.

"If-" he began when out of nowhere, someone whacked him over the head, startling him.

"Shion, dude! I was looking for you!" a guy jumped him, laughing. "Where were you all this… time…" his eyes focused on Len, then gave Shion-senpai (who was still recovering from the blow to his head) a confused look.

"Dude, don't just hit me over the head out of nowhere; if you were anyone else, I'd have gut you, Hibiki" Shion-senpai said nastily, giving him a dark look.

Hibiki, one of the five that hung around Shion-senpai gave him a woeful look before turning his eyes back to Len. "Kagamine…chan, right?"

"Y-Yes," Len muttered, looking away from them.

"He's in our class right?" Hibiki asked, turning to Shion-senpai.

"Idiot, he sits behind you!" Shion-senpai snapped. "Are you really that dumb?"

"Oh…"

Len stood there, feeling all awkward as they argued about it. He was about to excuse himself when a girl appeared out of nowhere, slapping Hibiki over the head in annoyance. "Hibiki, you idiot!" She snapped. This was Aiko, another of Shion-senpai's crew. Len recognized her well since she sat next to him, but they'd never spoken. She seemed scary, bossy and dangerous, but the minute she saw Len, her eyes changed. "Len-kun! Good timing. Sensei said we are in the library for history. Just thought to mention it since no one else would have."

Ok, Len lied. They had spoken. It was normally passing on messages from the teachers like this, but that was about it. "T-Thanks."

"You're welcome!" She said cheerfully. Maybe she wasn't as bad as people made her out to be. Len wasn't so sure just yet, however. "Anyways, Baka-ekey! You're working with me!"(1)

"Why?!" Hibiki complained loudly.

"Because no one else will! Katsu is working with some other girl, and since Ryu and Chi are dating, _naturally_ they're working together. So you got stuck with me."

"What about Kaito?"

"Kaito's working with Len, right?" She said, smiling at Len who looked startled. "We pulled names out of the hat yesterday, remember, Baka-ekey! Len was late the other day, missed the bus right?" she winked at Len before continuing. "Since there were arguments about who was working with who; which is mainly Kaito's fault-"

"Oi" Shion-senpai growled out loudly.

Aiko just continued as if she hadn't heard him. "-because _all_ the girls, except Chi and I wanted to work with him. So, we drew names from a hat. Of course, sensei was smart enough to keep Ryu and Chi together, since if he ended up with any other girl, there would have been a blood bath. So, while _you_, Baka-ekey, was sleeping, I drew your name from the hat, and therefore, got stuck with you. Kaito pulled Len's name out and it was done deal. Of course, every girl is now devastated because they ain't working with Kaito. They'll live however."

Aiko grinned at Len, looking satisfied that she had delivered her message, even though it was a little late. Len just stared at her, his mind trying to process everything. He wasn't _that_ late to History that morning. Maybe ten minutes, at least. How did all that happen in _ten minutes_? He didn't bother questioning since Shion-senpai had nodded in agreement the whole time, except when she blamed it all on him, which had pissed him off. To be honest, he never thought Shion-senpai was the type of guy to get so irritated so quickly. He'd always thought senpai was a pretty calm, collected kind of guy. Maybe not?

"Anyways, off to the library!" Aiko grabbed Hibiki by the arm and began dragging him off in the opposite direction. Even after they disappeared, Len could still hear Hibiki's protests. _Poor guy_, Len sympathised, then glanced up at Shion-senpai, who was still looking down the hallways.

"I-I suppose we should move on too?" Len asked nervously, hating how Shion-senpai turned his whole attention on Len after he spoke.

"We probably should, or we'll be late."

* * *

"…So, have you decided?"

Len looked up from the book on his lap, staring at Shion-senpai who was scanning the webpage in front of him, scribbling down notes for their assignment. In the end, they choose to look at Greek Mythology, since everyone else was being a little be lazy and sticking to something with Japanese culture and history. Though a couple of other students did look at other things, most of the pages Len saw around on the computers were Japanese orientated. He wasn't sure what to say to Shion-senpai's comment, so he looked down at the page he had open, hoping Shion-senpai wouldn't press.

"Len?"

"Y-Yes…?"

"Did you think about it?"

Nope, no, absolutely _not_. He had too many other things on his mind, which he was still fighting to keep it out of his mind. "S-Sorry, I had… a busy night," Len answered, staring at the page until the words began to blur. When that happened, he began to violently rub at his eyes.

"So… you haven't decided?" Shion-senpai let out an exasperated sigh. Shion-senpai sat there for a moment before leaning back in his chair and staring at Len. "It's not hard to decide really? I mean, you don't have to be there the whole time. Besides, everyone going is from our class. There aren't any unfamiliar faces."

That wasn't true. He didn't _know_ the people in their class. He only just happen to recognize Aiko since she sat next to him, and Hibiki, since he slept in class all the time and was dense and annoying. However, Len didn't know anyone else. He didn't know the names of any of the students; didn't even know the names of Shion-senpai's other friends. That was how shut off he was to the rest of the class.

"I know you're not good around people, but don't you find it boring having no friends?"

_No friends…_ It almost felt like a kick in the nuts. It was took a lot of control not to raise his voice. "Just because _you_ sit in class during lunch doesn't mean you know _anything_ about me. I do have _friends_, just no one in _our_ class. And if you say you thought I went out to eat by myself then you are sadly mistaken. Just because you all have your own perfect families that make you all nice food, some of us don't have that luxury and have to buy something to eat," Len snapped, feeling bruised. Ok, for as long as he could remember, he never really had friends. But the fact that people _assumed_ he was a sore loser and a loner _really_ pissed him off.

_You can't trust anyone, after all. They're all the same. Two faced lairs._ Shion-senpai looked at him, surprised by the outburst before mumbling something that sounded like an apology but Len ignored it. "How do you expect people to understand when you don't give reasons?" Shion-senpai muttered, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Because I don't trust people, and I don't trust _you_ either," Len snapped. He turned away to focus on his reading. "Besides, why should I tell people about my personal life, it's not any of their business?"

"Did you know that when they were pulling names out of the hat, someone else got paired up with you," Shion-senpai answered, sounding annoyed. "That person said they didn't want to work with you because you were arrogant and hard to work with. You don't talk, you don't acknowledge people. Absolutely _no_ one wanted to work with you. That's why you're working with me, because I felt sorry for you. Maybe they weren't far off of what they said."

It was taking great effort to keep the tears down. Yeah, he figured as much. He knew it all too well that it was a coincidence. He wasn't that stupid. Didn't change the fact that it hurt to know the truth. "I don't care," Len answered, praying for his voice not to give away what he really felt. "It doesn't change that tonight you'll go home to a loving family and do whatever the fuck you want," he continued. "I'll go home to a destructive sister whose scared of every damn adult she sees because of the trauma she's experience. I go home to a sister who looks at me and remembers all the shit that happened before I asked to get removed from home. I go _home_ to a sister who thinks she is a freak because of our situation!" He hadn't realised he was shouting until he noticed everyone had stopped talking. Fine, he didn't _care_. "So go home Shion-_senpai_. Go home to a family that welcomes you with open arms. Go home to a family that will have your dinner ready. Go home knowing you have everything you damn well want. I don't care anymore, I just don't care." Len slammed the book to the floor, stood up and turned straight at Shion-senpai. "But don't you _dare_ judge me. If you fucking paid attention, you would have understood. But you don't. I'm _arrogant?_ Then if that's the case, you're fucking _ignorant!"_

And with that explosion, Len bolted from the room, ignoring his teacher who called after him. He couldn't handle this. _I thought you were different, senpai. Clearly I was wrong!_

* * *

Everything was so loud. There was yelling, people talking. For a long moment, Kaito sat there, feeling stupid. Why did he say something like that? He was better than this. Finally, he began to recognise what was going on. People were angry, saying horrible things about Kagamine-kun again. People were calling him spoiled and rotten. There were so many assumptions, so many harsh judgments. They shouldn't have been directed at Kagamine-kun… they should have been directed at him. It was his fault Kagamine-kun had exploded. It felt as if they were words Kagamine-kun had bottle up... and it was Kaito's fault he'd exploded.

Maybe sensing this, Ryunnosuke stood up, his presence was enough to silence the group. People normally did shut up around Ryunnosuke since he was equally quiet as he was scary. "A lot of you don't know this, but two years ago, Kagamine-san came into class with a black eye and bruises all over his arms. Kagamine-san moved out of home because his parents were abusive, and with him, he took his little sister," Ryunnosuke spoke in a very quiet yet dark voice. "Out of everyone here, I was the only one who went to Middle school and Junior High with him. I should know, because I saw what he was going through. I saw him on the worst days, and on the moderately good days. Do you want to know what a good day was for him? Having money to actually eat, clean clothes to wear that weren't covered in blood. Days where the only bruises he had were old bruises. _They_ were good days.

"Kagamine-san works to keep himself alive. Most days he doesn't go home until nine o'clock. His sister is home on her own for that whole time. Do you really think that he's spoilt now? Does spoilt involve being beat every night? No, it doesn't. When was the last time you saw Kagamine-san with a mobile? Never, because he doesn't have one. Has never had one. He doesn't have an mp3 or iPod. He doesn't have the gaming equipment. He doesn't even own a computer. How many of you could live like that? With nothing but what's on your backs? None of you. You wouldn't last _five minutes_ without it, without your Facebook and Twitter accounts. Without YouTube or whatever social media you use! None of you would _survive_."

And with that, Ryunnosuke walked from the room with Chiyoko trailing after him, squeaking something about waiting up for her. The whole room was silent. No one spoke, no one _dared_ speak. Not even the sensei who looked bruised. So, he knew about the abuse too?

Kaito jumped as someone rested their hand on his shoulder, and looked up to find Aiko there, tears gushing from his eyes. "I notice them… the bruises on his arms. They really light now, but they are there. Some look like large hand prints that had gripped him. I knew they were there…"

Kaito rested a hand on hers. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I should have said something sooner. I know where he goes for lunch. He goes to the roof, he meets up with a senior there. I've seen them before when I've had soccer practice. It's the only time I've seen him laugh and be happy, Kaito. The _only_ time. I should have jumped in sooner, but I couldn't. All I could do was watch him break." She closed her eyes, sniffling. "How cruel could we be?"

Kaito sat there, not sure what to do for a brief moment before he stood up, deciding he had to go find Len. He needed to apologize. He didn't utter a word to Aiko, but he didn't need to. She followed him out, with Hibiki and Katsurou right behind them. Only once they were some distance away did they hear chatter return to the room before people began filing out, some yelling to look in certain places before everyone moved off. _We're all responsible for this. He didn't shut us out, we shut him out because we didn't think we could handle him. We labelled him, yet didn't even try to get to know him. We just shut him out, excluded him from us._

_…__How cruel can we get?_

* * *

(1) I was trying to work out a bad nickname for Hibiki. However, instead of writing "iki" at the end of baka, I choose to write it how it would sound "e key". That's why it's Baka-ekey, and not Baka-iki (which didn't look as impressive haha).

Also, notice it's the only time I will used "baka". I'm trying to avoid using too many Japanese words in this, only using the Japanese honorifics such as "san" and "senpai", even "sensei". Why, because one I'm not Japanese, and two, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense adding in Japanese words at random because they "sound cool". Personally, I feel it's unprofessional, and since I am, in my free time, attempting to write a novel for publication, I am trying to keep as much of my narrative work as professional as possible. After all, practices makes perfect :)

Anyways, I am really worried about this chapter. It doesn't feel rushed does it? I really wanted something to happen that would make them both clash. It wasn't that Kaito was trying to be mean, it was because Len took it wrong. You could say they were words Len had bottled up for some time and because of one thing that happened and one word said, he exploded. I should know this... I'm a person who bottles everything up =.= trust me, it gets you no where fast. Anyways, there is this whole scene that is meant to happen straight after this, but I excluded it. The story isn't mainly told from Kaito's perspective, so I want to limit the time you hear his thoughts. I felt this scene with Kaito and his thoughts were important, so that was why it stayed. Look forward to the next chapter :)


	5. Verdict

**A/N: I am sick, _again =.= _my body just hates me. Anyways, chapter five is here. This chapter made me cry while writing it. It's hard writing scenes that relate to you in some shape or form. I won't get into the story about why (too long of a story), but this just moves me. At least, the beginning does... I don't know about everyone else tho :/**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

It was taking everything in Len to keep control of his emotions. Now that he was away from the situation, he felt completely embarrassed; he had no idea how he was going to face the class now. Right now, they were probably bitching about how much of an arsehole he was to their "precious" Shion-senpai, but he didn't care. He honestly thought Shion-senpai was better than that. Seriously had, but clearly he was wrong. He should have known better. Every person in this world were two-faces. They were all the same… we're all the same…

_"Life would have been better if you were never born!"_ was something his mother said frequently… all because he wasn't normal. Just because he wasn't like every other guy… _I hate this. I hate myself. I hate everyone and everything. Mother was right, life would have been so much better if I just disappeared._

He'd never seriously thought about suicide before, but he began to wonder what would happen if he threw himself off the school building. Gakupo would take care of Rin that he was sure of. Rin would never really understand why her brother would never come home. And everyone else? His parents would laugh, because that was the kind of people they were. His classmates? Well, why would they care? They didn't care beforehand, why should they care now?

All it took was some strength to climb the fence and jump. That was all-

_"KAITO!"_ a voice startled him out of his thoughts, and for a moment, he was unsure what had happened until a moment later when the door to the roof opened. Slowly turning, he could hear some yelling, but he realised someone had stepped out of the doorway and into the sunlight. Len just stared as Shion-senpai turned around, and flinched. Someone had clearly king-hit him from the bruise and blood dripping down the right side of his face. The bruise was so big it covered the whole cheek right from the bottom of his right eye down to his jaw. His lip was slightly cut, which was where the blood was dripping from.

It felt like forever they stood there, but then Len got the confidence to speak up. "Who… punched you?"

"Kamui-senpai," he answered flatly.

_How the hell…_? Len was kind of startled that Gakupo would do something like that. When Len had bolted out the door, Gakupo had been walking along the hall. He's ran straight into him, but had bolted before Gakupo got a word out of him. Clearly he followed Len this far. The only question was why Shion-senpai was here. "Why are you here?" Len snapped, once again feeling bruised. "Here to make _more_ fun at me?" He felt the tears beginning to gush again. _This is stupid_.

"Do you not see my face?" Shion-senpai answered, and though Len was expecting it to bitter, it wasn't. Len looked up again, staring at him. "How do you _think_ this happened?"

"You said Kamui-senpai punched you," Len whispered.

"But why do you think he did that?"

"I… don't know…" Len whispered.

"He did that because I said he could," Shion-senpai replied. The answer shocked Len, making him stared wide-eyed at him. He was about to ask why, but clearly Shion-senpai guessed the next word and continued on if Len had asked. "I told him he could, because I felt I deserved it. Of course, you can hear the yelling downstairs. Aiko, Hibiki and Katsurou are having a bitch fest at him while I'm here." He took a step forward, his expression changing to an apologetic look. "Len, I'm sorry. You're right, we were the ones placing labels on you when we shouldn't have. However, I do stand by what I said. If you don't tell us what's wrong, how are we meant to know? We're not mind readers, Len. We're human too," Shion-senpai said softly. "And we aren't as perfect as you make us out to be. Remember, I had cancer for two years. I was constantly reminded that I was going to die. Not just by the doctors, but my own parents had made up their mind and just assumed I was going to drop dead. They still do."

He should have remember that. They had been talking about it yesterday. Now Len just felt guilty. "I…"

"It's hard, Len. When you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, it's really hard to find your footing again. Ryunnosuke told us that your parents were abusive. You might not remember him, but he went to Junior High with you. He's also the only person who knew what was going on, I guess. He really shook us all up. After you bolted from the room, everyone was angry at you. They shouldn't have been angry with you, they should have been angry at me. I said stupid things without knowing the truth. I took the labels everyone else planted on you, _used them_ to humiliate you. They shouldn't have been angry with anyone but me. But they weren't. They were so damn angry that it pissed Ryunnosuke off. He's not a guy to get involved in things, but he shut the whole damn class and shook some sense into them. After we left, the whole class broke up to look for you." Shion-senpai sighed. "We're all the same Len. We all try to be perfect, but what do you know about your class mates? Would you have known Chiyoko's parents committed suicide two months from each other?"

Len shook his head. No he hadn't heard that.

"It was about four months ago now. Chiyoko lives with her uncle now. Hibiki doesn't have a father either. He dad was killed in a car accident. Aiko's mother miscarried five times, and her mother nearly died giving birth to her. Aiko was lucky to even be here, same with her mother. Ryunnosuke comes from a strained family. He doesn't get along with his father and lives with his mother's parent's." Shion-senpai watched Len, then moved forward. "Len, _no one_ is perfect. We all go through hardships in our lives. Some of us never really move on from those hardships, while others do. That's just life." He stopped in front of Len, who had shrunk into himself. "I wouldn't know this if they never told me. Do you think it was easy? No, it wasn't easy. Aiko balled her eyes out for an hour after telling me her story. Chiyoko did too. Hibiki, who's bloody loud, went silent. He lost his voice half way through telling me his story. Ryunnosuke, who doesn't normally get angry, got really angry and punch a hole in the wall while telling me. That's just how it is; and reality is, when we bottle things up, small things make us explode."

Looking away, Len nodded.

Shion-senpai sighed then sat down on the ground. "Did you know Japan is up there on the top of the list when it comes to suicide? Did you know most of the suicides that happen in Japan are from the male demographic? Did you know that the most common form of suicide here is throwing yourself in front of the train? I catch the train to school often, Len. The amount of times the train has stopped because of an accident or something just reminds me that every day, people take their own lives. It reminds me that some people are so deeply depressed and aren't being helped. No one is helping these people, and now days, we almost seem to tolerate the fact that people are killing themselves," Shion-senpai's voice went quiet for a moment, then he looked Len in the eye. "I almost attempted suicide myself. I thought if I was going to die anyway, it wouldn't matter. The only reason I'm here was because I scared myself out of it. I didn't _want_ to die. It's not easy to talk yourself out of taking your own life, Len. A lot of people don't. They just do it."

Len continued to stare, then looked away from him. "Did you assume I was…?"

"I didn't have to assume anything Len. I'm just telling you, that no matter how hard life is, it's not worth giving it up. You have a little sister, right?"

"…Yes…"

"How do you think she would have felt knowing her brother didn't come home tonight? She's only little right? How do you think things would have gone? Would your parents take her back?"

Len flinched, realising what he meant. That was right. The only reason he had Rin was because he was capable of taking care of her. If he were to die or something… Gakupo wouldn't be able to fight to keep her, she'd go back home and face the life he had… and end up doing the same thing he did years later. It was just enough to trigger a wave of emotions and tears. Shion-senpai was right…

"Len," Shion-senpai stood up and once he was on his feet, he pulled Len into a hug. "I am so sorry for what happened before. I stepped out of line and did something stupid that hurt your feelings. I just hope you can forgive me some day. If not today, then maybe someday in the future."

Could he forgive Shion-senpai? Since day one, Len had really come to like Shion-senpai. He just stood out, and became popular amongst the students in their class. Of course, outside of their class room, he was a nobody to the rest of the student body, but he didn't need that. He had people that depended on him… and who he could depend on. Len ended up mumbling something without much thought, but Shion-senpai clearly didn't hear him.

"Huh? What was that?"

"I…I don't own any bathers… so I don't have anything… for Saturday…"

For a moment, Shion-senpai was silent. And then, he laughed. "Well, why didn't you say something earlier, silly? If that was what you needed all along, you could have just asked me to help you find something."

"I wouldn't trust your fashion sense, Shion," a voice intruded. Len stepped away, wiped his eyes and looked as Shion-senpai's friends came up to the roof. "That last pair of bathers you brought had duckies on them."

"I didn't buy them! My grandmother did!" Shion-senpai protested, going bright red.

"Bullshit, you secretly think little duckies are cute," Aiko laughed loudly until she was practically crying.

"Damn it Aiko!" Shion-senpai yelled.

"Alright, alright," Aiko laughed. Sweeping past Shion-senpai, she came up behind Len, grinning brightly. "Anyway, Kaito. You have club this afternoon, while I don't. So, why don't I just take care of that matter since I have nothing on this afternoon? Besides, after today, I think you two need some space to cool off. There was a lot of tension, and there still is so let's leave it be for now, alright."

Somehow, Len felt Aiko was right. Everyone was on high alert, and if things did swell again, it would probably be between them. Shion-senpai must have clearly thought it through as well, sighed and gave up. Before Len even had a chance to explain he _could_ do that on his own, it was settled and the next thing he knew, Aiko was dragging him back downstairs, alone. Gakupo was clearly nowhere to be seen, so Len promised himself that he'll talk to Gakupo tonight and explain what actually happened. He wouldn't lie that the punch bothered him, but Shion-senpai _did_ deserve it, though not to that extent.

"I'm sorry." Len jumped, realising Aiko had spoken. "I should have intervened when Kaito mentioned about what happened when we had our names pulled out of the hat. I was going to say I'd partner up with you, but Kaito cut in before I had that chance. I told him not to say anything either, so I'm partly to blame for this."

"N-No… I needed to hear it," Len admitted. Maybe he'd been a little arrogant after all.

"No! What should have happened was the two-faced _bitch_ should have kept her trap shut and done the work. She actually brought it up because _she_ wanted to work with Kaito, and couldn't settle for the fact another girl was. Her words were 'Len is stupid and pathetic; he doesn't care about people. Why should I have to work with _him_ when _she_ gets to work is Shion-kun.' Those were her exact words, because all she wanted was Kaito. Funny thing was, Kaito said to me he'd rather eat shit than deal with her." Aiko laughed bitterly. "I hope she gets bitch slapped one day. In fact, I hope _I_'_m_ the one to slap her."

Len stopped walking, which made Aiko nearly slip, though she didn't complain. "You're just saying that."

"That's the thing, though Len. I'm not. This was what really happened," Aiko replied. "I'm not making it up. Kaito ended up settling the dispute by saying he'd work with you and the two girls could work together. As far as Kaito was concerned, _that_ was what he wanted. He's been trying to think of ways to integrate you into our class. He hates seeing you alone, and he's just worried. When he said he didn't believe you had friends, he genuinely meant that. He really _did_ think you were alone, and he hated that. He hated the fact you were an outcast and wanted to change that."

_"I know you're not good around people, but don't you find it boring having no friends?"_ That had been what he said. When Shion-senpai spoke those words, it was the final straw. He'd been so damn angry that he hadn't actually listened to how he said that. He didn't mean it nastily, little did he actually say it in a nasty way. He was being genuine about it, and if Len has just paid a little more attention, he would have seen the concern. No, he _had_ seen the concern. He'd mistaken it for pity. That was why it hurt so much.

"Len… what are you scared of?"

The question startled Len, and he found that Aiko had come up real close, and was now speaking quietly. It was almost as if she knew there was some big, dark secret Len was hiding. Of course, he wasn't going to tell her his reasons. He barely _knew_ her! Instead, he looked away.

"Are you scared of being rejected?"

Again, that startled him. How did she…? "I guess… I guess it is."

Her eyes saddened. "Ryu said your parents were abusive… are they the reason behind it?"

"…I guess…"

Then, she frowned. "Len…" they were silent. What more was there to say? Sighing, Aiko stepped away. "I'm being nosy, and I'm sorry. However, you shouldn't need to be scared to tell us what's up." She offered him a small smile. "We'll listen if you need us."

* * *

**A/N: I am team Aiko xD Aiko plays a HUGE part in the next few chapters, and she (and Hibiki later) are the more seen, more heard of the two as they are considered Kaito-san's best friends. I hope Aiko doesn't seem weird, or outrageous abnormal in personality or anything either, because she's going to be the first ice breaker in the group (and you'll see why in the next few chapters). Later on, she'll be refered to as Aiko-san, I just left it as Aiko for this one (too lazy to change it really haha)**

**Ryu's story changed in later chapters. Originally he was going to be adopted, but I changed my mind about that and changed it to that he has a rough relationship with his father. You'll see later on why I changed it (about chapter eight or so it is explained what Ryu's family situation is).**


	6. Minami Aiko

**A/N: It's been a while since I updated. A lot of things happened, like finding out I failed TAFE which meant $3000+ was wasted, as well as being VERY SICK, however this chapter is finally here. This was the HARDEST chapter so far to write, simply because I wasn't sure how to introduced the situation. I hope it's fine. There may be mistakes because every time I re-read it, I literally re-wrote it. Not editted, re-wrote. Several times and I think this is the best I've done. It's pretty much what I was aiming for... kinda. Anyways, ENJOY!**

* * *

**Chapter Six**

How the _hell_ did he get himself _into_ this situation?

Wait! A better question!

How the _hell_ would he get himself _out_ of this situation?

If things went the way they were meant to, he would be sitting in his final class, studying like he normally would on a Tuesday afternoon. However, Aiko-san had declared Len too unstable and unfit to remain at school, grabbed his bag and ditched the rest of the afternoon. _Ditched! Wagged!_ They'd left school without permission just so Aiko-_san_ could take him shopping for… bathers…

Ok, when Len said he didn't have any, he meant any appropriate to wear. He'd brought them over the years, had _convinced_ himself he needed them, yet they had never been worn. Yet, once again, he would out shopping for another pair that would, most likely, never be worn. What made matters _worse_ was Aiko took him to the _most expensive damn shop_ to hunt for said bathers.

And now here he stood, a pile in his arms while she _continued_ to look for something _appropriate_. In his hands there had to at least be half a dozen bathers Aiko-san deemed appropriate, but to buy these meant he'd never no money to put food on the table.

_Quick, think of something!_ "Aiko-san, maybe I wasn't clear beforehand, however the reason I don't have bathers is because I can't swim. What good are they for someone who can't swim?"

"Hmm…" Aiko-san mumbled, barely paying attention. "Plenty of time for swimming lessons."

Who was she _kidding_? It was Tuesday, Shion-senpai's party was Saturday. That was only four days. If he couldn't _actually_ swim, then that would be a pathetic amount of time to learn how. Reality was, he did actually like swimming, or the water at least. The problem was, he was too ashamed to go, and the pool was always busy at all hours, so how could he get a chance to do that? "Aiko-san… are you joking?"

"Nope," she turned, grinned then carried on. "Actually, I don't believe you."

_Great!_ "Ok, yes it was a lie. However, Aiko-san, I don't need you to do this. I mean, have you seen the price tags on these? I couldn't even afford one with the rates I get paid!"

Aiko-san stopped, glanced at him, at the pile, back at him, and then sighed. "Alright, I'll pay."

"That's not what I meant!"

"Come on, Len. You need _something_ to wear right. Just leave this to Aiko-chan, ok?" She winked.

Len stood there, frustrated, letting out an exasperated sigh. He'd give her _five_ minutes to work herself out, then he was just going to grab one pair and march her out. So how did he pass the next (estimated) five minutes? He grumbled. That was all he could do for now. He grumbled about everything she looked at, grumbled when she got side-tracked and grumbled when she began looking through her selected pile for the "perfect" pair.

Eventually, she settled on a pair old school style black and orange bathers. Thankfully, Len actually liked them, so they spent the next couple of minutes shoving all the others back onto the shelves. Now, all Len needed to do was get her out the store before she-

"Alright, now we need to make sure they fit!"

"…" Len couldn't speak. He'd been trying (secretly of course) to lead her towards the door. However, it was clear Aiko-san had other plans.

"Come on, the change rooms are this way," she grabbed hold of him and began tugging him in the other direction. Still, Len couldn't even produce a sound. It was only when the change rooms came into sight did the panic set it. Considering Aiko-san's attitude, he didn't expect to get away with just trying them on. She'd want to _see_ them on, just to make sure they were right. This could be big trouble if she noticed he was flat down there. He had to think of something… _quick!_

"Ai-Aiko-san, I have work soon. I-I don't have time to try them on." Big ass lie since he had at least had two whole damn hours before that shift.

"Len, it doesn't take that long to try on a pair of board shorts. We can't just walk out of the shop and assume they're going to fit."

Oh yes they could! "A-Aiko-san…" he began, but realised he couldn't make up any excuse why to not put them on. Looks like he had to do it. He was going to have to start the water works to convince her otherwise. Of course, there were so many people around, so he wasn't sure he could do it. However, he had to do _something_ in order to get out of this.

_Maybe you should just admit the truth?_ He could do that, but…

Without actually realising, he had begun to cry. It was only by Aiko-san's expression that told him that, yes, something had happened. It was only until she spoke when he actually did realise he was crying. Out of embarrassment, he covered his face with his hands, telling himself to stop. What the hell was wrong with him? He shouldn't be crying like this. He was being so _stupid_. "I-I have to go!" Len choked out, before bolting away from her.

"LEN! WAIT!"

No, he wasn't going to. He raced as fast as he could, trying to find somewhere he could just hide. He knew Aiko was faster than him (hell, she was on the damn track team!) so he needed a quick escape.

Searching… Searching…

There!

Len spotted the signs for the toilets and bolted towards them. He nearly knocked over a man coming out the toilets, mumbled a quick apology and shut himself inside of a cubical.

* * *

It felt like hours. It probably wasn't, but it certainly felt like it had been hours since Len had made his escape. Slipping from outside the cubical, he found himself alone in the toilets, and couldn't help but breathe a sigh of a relief. Stepping up to the mirror, he took in his feature, noticing his blue eyes were now tinted with red after crying for so damn long. He shouldn't have cried, should have taken control of himself, but he didn't. Sure, he'd been desperate to escape, but he shouldn't have…

Ignoring it, he stared at himself for a moment, examining his plan face, bloodshot eyes and small shoulders. He was so plain… he never expected Shion-kun to notice him… or his friends. Most people had ignored him, turning him invisible.

Len who never spoke. Len who held himself with so much hostility. Len who never laughed, never smiled. Len who had just shut everyone out.

_"__I know you're not good around people, but don't you find it boring having no friends?"_

Shion-senpai was right to believe that. Len had just closed off his world to everyone, and most people probably assumed he hid himself in the toilets and cried. He'd been so angry… why hadn't he actually paid attention to everything. He was so blurred by his anger, he'd never saw Shion-senpai watching himself, his eyes sad. Instead, Len let himself the angry…

_"__Just because you all have your own perfect families that make you all nice food, some of us don't have that luxury and have to buy something to eat."_

Why had he actually said that? What gave _him_ the right to assume Shion-senpai was perfect? Wasn't he only just telling him the day before that he'd spent time in hospital because of cancer…

Now Len thought about it… what type of cancer did Shion-senpai have? He thought people were battling cancer for years, not just a span of months…

What was Shion-senpai hiding?

_"__How do you expect people to understand when you don't give reasons?"_

_Two… faced… liar…_

Len clenched his eyes shut, will his brain to shut up and took a breath to steady himself. He should not wander down that path. He should just forget about it, get himself back on track. It wasn't completely Shion-senpai's fault…

"Argh!" Len yelled, scratching his head and storming out. He'd barely stepped out from the door way when he recognized he was waiting for him just outside. Ok… he hadn't quite escaped.

Aiko-san was doing something on her phone, but she'd pushed off the wall, guessing who came out. A few seconds, she turned the screen off, look at him square in the face, and just stared. Len wouldn't lie, the hairs on the back of his neck were standing up on their ends, and felt suddenly threatened. She was right in front of him, her face blank, but her eyes hurt. "Come on," she said, holding her hand out for him. "Let's go somewhere without people, so we can talk privately."

It looked like today was going to be a day his big secret was going to come out after all.

* * *

The walk back to Aiko-san' place was about ten minutes long. He debated about running a few times, but found himself feeling dumbstruck when he saw it. It was tall two story building, with about six windows across the top half and four on the bottom. The garden in the front was a small, mostly taken up by a drive way and a path way to the front door. It didn't excuse the small garden there however. There was a small flower bed along the wall, filled with colour flowers with names Len didn't know. Past the large fence, it was mostly invisible, unless you came up to the gate. He didn't have much more time to admire the place when she hustled him into the house. The first view he greeted was a long hall way, and a staircase up. The further he stepped in the more he saw. The living room was on the right, being overly large with two couches and three recliners. The TV against the wall wasn't the too big, but was of decent size. The walls were white, but were covered in numerous photo frames. A lot were of Aiko-san and who he assumed was her parents on trips or just outings. There were thousands of photos of faces he didn't recognize, some with Aiko-san in them, others without her. The kitchen and dining were on his right, and one large room. He couldn't get a good view of the kitchen where he stood, but the table in the middle was large, with at least ten seats around its long, slender wooden table. Maybe they had parties? Suddenly, he thought back to the photos. Maybe Aiko-san had a big family?

Aiko-san waited patiently at the foot of the stairs, waiting for him to get over the shock. He was about to head to her when a plump woman stepped into door way, spotting him then Aiko-san. "You brought a friend, dear?" She said with a kind smile. Her eyes wrinkled at the side as she did; giving him a true, genuine smile. She looked like someone who smiled often, her blue eyes gleaming with gentleness. Taking her in a second time told him the only reason she was plump was because she was pregnant. The third time he finally realised her and Aiko-san were exactly the same. Long blonde hair that tinted red in the sunlight, soft, almost dull blue eyes and a soft, oval shaped face. They had thin lips, and a small nose, and when both of them smiled, their cheeks dimpled just the slightest.

However, Aiko-san's mother was showing age. The hair around her temple was slightly lighter, and there strands here and there that were the same lighter shade. He didn't dare call it grey, because they weren't. Just paler, lighter. She was probably late forty's if he had to guess. "Mother, this is Kagamine Len-kun. He sits next to me in class."

"Oh!" She looked surprised, then smiled at him. "Thank you for taking care of my daughter, Kagamine-kun. I hope she hasn't been too much trouble?"

"N-No, of course not!" Len replied, bowing slightly to her. "It's a pleasure to meet, Minami-san." He replied politely.

"We're going to sit in my room… there is a few things to discuss," Aiko-san said. The comment made Len nervous, wondering if her mother was going to get the wrong idea.

"Of course; would you like me to bring up some refreshments?"

"I'll get them later," Aiko-san replied. There was an underlined challenge, though Len didn't know what for. Her mother just smiled, nodded and headed into the kitchen, leaving them alone in the hallway. "Come on," Aiko-san said the minute her mother was gone. She begun to climb the shallow stairs, and a moment later, Len followed her. Her room was the first to the left, right next to the stairs. She opened the door, and ushered him in.

He'd never been inside a girl's room… and he felt a little disappointed. Aiko-san room was the expected pink thrills and ribbons, but rather plain. There were a couple of posters of guys on the wall by the door. There were a few photos on the other wall, while one complete side of the wall was covered in mirrors. On closer expectation, he realised it was a sliding wardrobe. In the middle of the room were three bean bag seats, with a small table between them. The rest of the room was filled up with a desk with a small blue laptop, her bed with dark blue and purple sheets and the purple curtains hanging on the window.

"You look disappointed, Len-kun," Aiko-san smiled, hanging her bag on her chair and sitting on her bed. "Kaito said the he was when he came up here once."

"Kaito has been in here?"

"We walk to school together. He's five minutes away from me. I was running late, so he came in. He was in my room as I fixed my hair and put on my shoes. He complained the whole time."

"I'm… not that disappointed. I guess I had this expectation it was going to be pink with ribbons and stuff," Len admitted.

"It used to look like that. I grew up fast, but Chiyoko's room is very pink with all her cute stuffed animals and stuff," she grinned, winked then after a moment of amusement, she sighed sadly. "Len… let's talk about what happened today. Not just this afternoon, but everything."

Len stiffened, unsure on what to say or do. "Where do you want to start?"

"This morning," Aiko-san said. "Think about it, I'll go grab us something to drink and eat," she announced, jumping off her bed and moving towards the door. "Take a seat, I won't be a minute," and she was gone. Len dumped his bag next to the black bean bag and sat down. He wasn't sure on what to do… really wasn't. After a moment, he couldn't handle sitting around doing nothing so he got back up and began to wander around the room. This time, he actually noticed a few other things. On her desk was a bunch of frames. Picking one up, he stared at it, trying to work out who they all were. Aiko-san was there, as well as another woman who looked just like her and her mother. Everyone else was… _very_ different. "They're my siblings."

Len shrieked, nearly dropping the frame when he turned around to Aiko-san who'd stepped into the room and shut the door, casually balancing a tray of drinks and snacks with ease. She didn't seem to notice she'd scared the crap out of him. "All of them… they look so… different."

"Well… they aren't all my real siblings. Most of them are fostered. My sister and I are the only children my parents actually had. They took care of the rest. The eldest is literally seventeen years younger than my mother."

Surprised, Len looked back at the photo. "Your mother was seventeen when she took him in?"

"He was the first. My mother took him in when she was actually nineteen. He was two years old and had been abandoned. She reached out to him and took him in. Cleaned him up, feed him and called him her own. He was abandoned because he was different to most boys."

"What was wrong with him?"

"He was transsexual."

Len stood there, dumbfounded. He'd heard her right… he didn't imagine that?

"After two years, mother met father, and a year later they had my sister. They got married, and begun fostering children once my sister was three. They tried again and again to have children, but every single one of them were stillborn or terminated because they wouldn't survive. They adopted about nine children between me and my sister. Considering I'm only twelve years younger than her, that is a lot of children. Three more were taken in after me, but they stopped, slowed down. Mother continued to try for children, and swore to herself this would be the last time. She's pregnant with my little brother, and is ready to pop. We're praying so hard that she has a healthy little boy."

"So… how many brothers and sister did you get through fostering?" Len asked cautiously.

"Seven boys, five girls… besides my older brother and sister. I think of the eldest as my real brother, regardless. The others I do feel as if they are blood of mine, but I adore my big brother. He's getting married soon, so we're all excited."

Len looked at the photo, counted them then frown. If including her older brother, there should be eight boys… there were only seven boys and six other girls beside her and her sister. That didn't feel right. "Wait, but in this photo-"

"The second boy mother and father took in had gender issues. When he was fourteen, he asked to have an operation to turn him into a girl. My parents agreed and helped him through it. It was strange, but we got used to it. He's happier this way, and that is all we could ask for."

Len stared at the photo for another moment. "Did they all have issues?"

"No, but one of the girls does have a muscle disorder. Can't see it in that photo though, but she does have it."

"Does… the youngest three live here still?"

"Two do, one wanted to go to a special school that was some distance away, so he boards there. He visits during the holidays."

Len finally turned to Aiko-san who'd sat down on one of the bean bags, holding a mug in her hands. "So… you're used to weird things like that?"

"Weird? That's harsh. Then again, so is reality, but no one is born prefect." Aiko-san grinned. "If we were, life would be bloody boring."

Placing the frame back on the desk, he walked over to her, dumping himself in the bean bag beside her. "How… how do they do it?"

"Do what?"

"Deal with problems like this? Didn't you all… struggle?"

"Of course they struggled. My oldest brother got called harsh names when guys realised he didn't have a penis. Wanna know how he dealt with that? He punched every single one of those assholes in the face, breaking a few noses while he was at it."

Wow… Len wouldn't have the guts to do something like _that_. However, as they sat in silence, everything was sinking in. Aiko-san wouldn't judge him… he knew it…

Could he really…?

"A-Aiko-san?"

"Yeah?"

"I…I have something I want to tell you."

"What is it, Len?"

Not Len-kun… just Len. He turned to her, looked her in the eye and felt himself waver. She stared at him with serious eyes. Not judgemental, just serious eyes. Out of nerves, he turned away, clenched his eyes closed and opened his mouth. "The truth is that I am…"

* * *

**A/N: A whaaaaaat? Will Len confess? Hmmmm... **xD **I also didn't remember if I mentioned Aiko's surname previously, but it's Minami Aiko. Hence why Len greeted Aiko's mother as "Minami-san". Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. Hope to get more out soon :D**


	7. Can You Keep A Secret?

**A/N: THIS CHAPTER WAS SO AWKWARD TO WRITE! I just.. didn't know whether I, personally, was ready for this chapter, but I knew if I didn't write this, the WHOLE STORY I'd planned out would need to change. So... I struggled and wrote it. I'm not confident with it, and I'm still um-ing and ah-ing about it. This chapter does tell us a little about Aiko-san, and we get to meet a character we haven't met yet. Someone who connects certain characters together ;)**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

"The truth is that I am…" Damn, this was harder to say than he thought. No! He was going to try! Someone… he wanted… he just wanted someone who understood what it was like. If he could just tell her… maybe she could get her brother to help him. He knew what it was like… if only he could just… tell… her… "I-I am… I'm… transsexual…"

Len didn't want to look up at her, didn't want to see her shock or disapproving look. However, he wouldn't lie to her. He couldn't bring himself to lie to her. He had to learn to trust someone, somewhere, some day. He had to. And for some strange reason... it felt as if some sort of weight on his shoulders had been lifted off. He felt somewhat… _lighter_.

"…"

Aiko-san was silent for what felt like forever. Then, suddenly he heard a quiet voice speak up. "Thank you… for telling me…I know it isn't easy to talk about stuff like that, so thank you."

That wasn't… quite what he expected. Slowly looking up, he found Aiko-san sitting perfectly still, eyes closed. She sat there for a moment then nodded to herself. When she reopened her eyes, there was something in them that Len didn't understand. Then, she stood up, went over to the window and closed the curtains. He began to speak up but she'd bet him to the chase.

"I've never talked to anyone about this," she said softly as she pulled off her shirt. "I'm body conscious too. In middle school, I asked a guy I liked out and he replied he didn't date fat girls. I wasn't fat, I was pretty sure I was slender, but that was what he said. Those words were like a knife in the stomach that when he walked away, I threw up. From there, everything went downhill. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw some fat person looking back at me. In the end, I fell depressed. I didn't change my eating habits, in fact, I ate more, and then when everyone was in bed, I'd force myself to throw up.

"It went on for months, Len. So many months," she ditched her shirt and turned around. Len couldn't help but stare at her. She looked perfectly fine, she was really pretty… "I was caught by my younger brother who told my parents. I claimed it was one off, but my brother said he heard me doing this every night. I went through heaps of treatment, had tones of 'educational' classes to change my habits, but it only got worse. I kept doing it, and one day, I fainted in the toilet after throwing up blood. I'd damaged my throat, and something happened with my stomach. I don't remember the details, but I ended up in hospital for months. I hated myself and my body, but my mother finally told me she went through something similar." Aiko held a hand to her stomach. "I was anorexic by then. You could see all my ribcage under the skin. I'd lost colour in my face… I was practically a walking corpse.

"I started treatment again, started trying hard to take control of myself. Eventually, I slowly began to get better, slowly began to put on weight. It was only until last year when I finally felt comfortable in my body again. When I did, I grabbed the photos of what happened to me, confronted the son of a bitch who did this to me and showed him what he'd done. Then I turned around and said that the woman he wanted was unrealistic and disgusting. She would be all bones, no meat. She'd be unhealthy and could probably die because of her health. He was unrealistic, and he was a dick head. He got angry, said some nasty words but I didn't let them affect me. Wanna know what I did?"

"What?"

"Stripped my shirt off like this and announce proudly that I loved my body, and a woman with curves was ten times better than someone who is nothing but sticks and bones that will break if you touch her. Then told him if that was what he wanted, he should go dig a grave and fuck a corpse, then walked out. I got into a load of trouble for walking around shirtless, but it was the proudest day of my life. After that, a lot of girls came around in tears, thanking me for what I did. Apparently he was a dick to even the thin chicks. I apologize because what I said was nasty, but they were thankful that I showed him up. He didn't do it again, and the girls learnt better than confessing to him. By the end of the year, even the guys were disgusted in him. I was asked out a lot after it too, one guy even saying he liked strong girls, but I'm not strong," Aiko opened her teary eyes, and gave him a shaky smile. "I'm not strong either Len. I'm scared too… scared of what people will think about me. I sometimes wonder what would happen when I finally get intimate with another man. Would he look at me and love me for who I am… or will he cast me aside because I'm "fat"? This is how you've felt… about your body too. When it came down to it, would the person you fell in love with would love you for who you are or toss you aside? We'll always have a relationship in our life that doesn't work. Some people will have more, it just happens. It's scary, but it happens."

* * *

His fingers were wrinkled. Sighing, Len pulled the plug in the kitchen sink and turned to look at the dishes the café staff had piled up on the sink next to him and sighed. All he had to do was finish washing these and then he was done for the night. There was still two loads left, so instead of standing there and wasting time, he refilled the sink with hot water and begun washing up again.

Tuesday had been eventful. Aiko-san had confessed so much, but he saw that it was mental weight that dropped off her own shoulders too. They'd bared so much, and most of the afternoon was looking at themselves in the mirror, completely naked. He'd never really looked at himself, being so ashamed, but if she could stand there with her own scars, he wasn't going to be beaten.

In the end, he went home feeling lighter. He tried on the bathes with a new found confidence and felt satisfied, though they had to return the other's the next day since they were just different sizes of the same pair. Wednesday had been awkward, with Len being constantly reminded he saw her _naked_ and had to hide his face every time he thought about it. Wednesday was also when Len made up with Shion-senpai, who constantly apologized. Len would forgive him… _eventually_.

Thursday was boring, though Aiko-san and he sat together at recess, talking about a few things. She was making an effort to talk to him every day, so he felt he should put some effort into it. It was today, Friday, that had been the craziest when she decided to join Len and Gakupo for lunch. It confused the hell out of Gakupo, but he went with it and talked to her as if they had been friends for years. Len admired the way they did that, even though it was obvious that neither of them actually _liked_ each other (something about Aiko hating Gakupo for punching Shion-senpai in the face, and Gakupo hating her for being friends with Shion-senpai who'd hurt Len). Still they were pretty convincing, even if at times their eyes and smiles were menacing.

He hoped to god they would finally get along. If Aiko-san was serious about when she said she'd help him win Shion-senpai's heart, then he was going to need them to play nice. It was funny though, when she told him as he left her house she'd help him, Len thought he saw a little sadness in her eyes. Aiko-san probably liked Shion-senpai, but was giving that all up.

_That_ actually hurt him more than it should have.

Nevertheless, tomorrow was Shion-senpai's pool party, and Len was going. He'd agreed to go if Shion-senpai stopped apologizing, so he better keep his end of the bargain. Still, never the less, he _really_ didn't want to go… but he had to.

Sighing, Len focused on the chore ahead of him despite the throbbing in his hands. A few minutes later, he was draining and refilling the sink for the last load of dishes when he heard the door to the kitchen open. It was probably the last of the staff coming in to help him clean. They normally did once the café was closed up for the night.

"Len-kun?"

_Nope, not a staff member_, Len thought as he jumped five feet off the ground. Spinning around while still keeping his hands in the sink, he looked at the pretty green haired girl lean by the counter behind him, smiling ever so sweetly. No, it was not _green_, he often had to correct himself whenever he thought of it that way, just in case he opened his mouth and said so. She really had a knack to tell people it was teal, and she was rebelling against the world by dyeing her hair that colour. He was still trying to work out why she was _still_ at that prestigious school she was currently attending. Then again, when you had another famous diva there who'd dyed her hair green (and literally green), it wasn't surprising she hadn't been kicked out.

Of course, a lot of people would be confused when they realised Kagamine Len knew new pop sensation Hatsune Miku. Regardless, here she was, watching him with that killer smile of hers, her blue eyes watching him as he was watching her. "Stuck with the crappy jobs, again?"

"It was my night to wash," Len answered, turning away. He and the other cooks often took it in turns on who washed, as well as the maids who'd take turns drying up. Now that he thought about it… "You sent my helper home, didn't you?"

"Well, since my uncle owns the place, I thought it would be fine. Plus, I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty or wet to help out." Miku replied, pushing off the counter and grabbing the towel nearby. She began to dry the stack of dishes there. "Besides, I wanted to talk to you. It's been a while."

Len glanced at her then muttered, "You saw me _last_ week."

"Alright, I really wanted to see Rin," Miku laughed. "You know me when it comes to your sister. I just can't get enough of how cute she is."

Rin _was_ pretty cute. Of course, Miku didn't know about _particulars_, but he never felt the need to. Miku wasn't judgemental, and she'd catch on relatively early something was up, but she never pushed her way in and tried to work out what it was. "Does this mean I'm not getting any homework done tonight?"

"Nope, nope, definitely not."

Len sighed loudly as he pulled the plug. "I figured as much."

* * *

**A/N: MIKU! And someone was hinted at there. Guess who that is ;) They'll show up some time later. Of course, this isn't the character who Len and Miku are connected to. It's someone else, someone we meet next chapter (well, we've already met them, but you know what I mean). Miku only gets a small part because this chapter was heavy and I didn't want to mood ruined too much.**

**And yes, Len and Aiko did see each other naked. I was actually going to write that scene, but... I didn't know how to write it, so I only mentioned it.**

**And will Aiko and Gakupo ever get along? Who knows ;)**


	8. Akiyama Ryunnosuke

**Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **BL/Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut (in later chapters).

**A/N: I am uncomfortable to two reasons. One. I don't know how people feel about this story. Is it really... interesting?**

**And Two! I ****am slowly creeping towards where I am stuck! (I'm up to chapter 12, but it's such a difficult chapter to write ) So that's why uploads have been slow. I like to be ahead by a couple of chapters in case I mess something up or have to do touch ups. Plus... this chapter feels like a... filler. Plus side, we get a scene between Ryu and Len (YAY!) Ryu isn't my favourite OC, but he's pretty special. My favourite is probably Hibiki, but you won't find out until later ;) I have big plans for Aiko, Hibiki, Katsurou and Ryunnosuke! Keep you're eye peals for those ^^**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

Kagamine Len was going to _murder_ Hatsune Miku the next time he saw her. He had homework due _today_ and not to mention Shion-kun's thing was _tonight_. Hell, he still needed to sweet talk Gakupo into taking care of Rin tonight since he doubt he was going to be home anywhere before nine (or at all if Shion-kun had his way). Still, Len had to go since he'd already made that commitment. Len _hated_ breaking commitments and promises.

The hallways of the school were quiet this time of morning. Gakupo said he'd drop Rin off so Len could come in early and finish his homework. Their school, thankfully, opened early for teachers, and most of them were fine if students were here early. Some students did have early practice after all, which meant there wasn't much choice in the matter. So, Len would sometimes come in early to finish off things if he need that extra time away.

He came to the door that lead into the class and took a deep breath. Just as he pulled it open, he heard a noise and stopped. The noise was gone, but Len had a feeling someone was inside. Now he didn't want to go in. _Stop being stupid!_ Len told himself and opened the door, stepping into the class room only lit up by the morning sun. Sure enough someone was here. A young, red haired man sat in the chair that was in the second row up from the front, and a column over from the seats by the window. He looked dazed, his eyes half closed as if he was falling asleep. On his desk were two textbooks. Looks like someone else hadn't done their homework either.

Len stared at him for a moment, trying to work out who he was when emerald eyes looked at him, and suddenly a shy, wary smile was shone at Len. Oh, he remembered who this was. Akiyama Ryunnosuke was a friend of Kaito as well as an old friend of Len's. Well, not quite a friend, but Ryunnosuke and Miku were constantly clashing whenever it involved Len. Ryunnosuke wasn't a man of many words, but when he spoke, he was serious business. Suppose that's what happened when your father was in the Yakaza. Ryunnosuke had once told Len he wanted nothing to do with his father, so lived with his grandparents on his mother's side. Nevertheless, he had the same presence, and was pretty scary when angry.

Yet, Ryunnosuke was very kind to Len. It was probably why Miku put up with him, because at least he cared. "G-Good morning," Len said, bowing his head slightly. They hadn't spoken since starting high school… he blamed Chiyoko for that.

"Good morning," Ryunnosuke replied quietly, the sleepy smile never dropping. Shion-senpai had said Ryunnosuke was the one who knocked sense into everyone, and Len hadn't found the chance to tell him thanks. He was going to say it now while he had the chance t- "How are you feeling this morning?" Ryunnosuke asked, cutting off Len's train of thought.

"I-I'm really good… thank you for the other day… for standing up… for me…"

"I was sick and tired of the shit," Ryunnosuke's smile dropped and he looked away. "I was charmed by Kaito-san when he stood up and said he'd partner up with you. I was going to, but Chiyoko was giving me that look. He took it seriously, got angry for you and defended you in history class. However… I didn't think he was dumb to say stupid things."

"H-He was just worried."

"No, he was labelling you subconsciously. He should never have said what he did. I guess I had enough of it, and after you ran out, I had to speak up. I suppose in some ways I'm returning the favour," Ryunnosuke said.

"For what?"

"For stand up for me in middle school. I was going through some tough times, and I'd had enough of everyone's crap. Remember I was going to beat the shit out of that kid, yet you stood between us. You'd never spoken to anyone before then, but hearing you speak out and telling me violence wasn't the answer… I guess I didn't want the same violence directed at you, even if it was verbal."

"Ryu-san…"

Ryunnosuke smiled again. "I miss the old days when we'd hang out in the drama room, you and Miku-chan singing while I played the guitar. It's sad we all went separate ways when we came the high school."

"I… didn't join the drama club here," Len whispered.

"You should. They're looking for people."

"I never performed though. I was just there because I had to do something."

"You were still pretty good. In the library, at lunch, you'd read the script to us. You loved it then…" Len almost asked why Ryunnosuke stopped playing music, but didn't. Somehow, the red haired boy knew what Len was going to say. "I crushed my hand in the holidays before coming here. It hurts to play the guitar now, but sometimes I get an itch the play."

"I'm… sorry."

"Wasn't your fault," Ryunnosuke shrugged. "Len… despite all the shit that happened, give Kaito-san a shot. He generally wants to get to know you… and it'll be nice to start spending time with you whenever I can. Maybe on days Chiyoko has club, we could hang out?"

Len smiled, nodding. "Whenever I'm not working… I think I'd like that."

Ryunnosuke returned Len's smile with one that charmed Len. Then, he pulled the desk beside him next to his and patted the chair. "We both look like we have the same things to complete, so let's do them together."

He was not going to argue with that since Ryunnosuke was better at Maths than Len was.

* * *

"…You've… never had…" Shion-senpai looked like he'd been slapped across the face. He just stared, wide-eyed then shook his head. "Y-You've had cake, yes?"

"Well, yes," Len admittedly nervously. "I mean, who _hasn't_ had cake… I've just never had…" He frowned. "I've never had mud cake… doesn't sound appealing though."

"Mud cake is _freaking_ amazing," Shion-senpai choked out. "There is no way you can go on another day without trying it," he added, before stepping back into class, dragging Len behind him. "We need to go _now_ and hunt down somewhere that has mud cake. This is blasphemy! No one can say they have had cake without trying mud cake."

Everyone was crowed around Aiko-san's desk, talking when they turned and stared at Shion-senpai. Katsurou, a black-blue haired boy who sat behind Shion-senpai in class was currently sitting in Len's seat looking awfully pale. He opened his mouth to speak, but Chiyoko bet him to the chase and spoke up. "Mud cake? It's not that great," Chiyoko said, clutching Ryunnosuke's arm. "Right, Ryu-ryu?"

"I don't… really like sweets," he replied awkwardly. What a liar. Len remember quite well the Ryunnosuke loved sweet things, and always looked please when Miku mysterious present sweets and cakes during their meet ups at her place. He _knew_ that was a lie, and somehow, Ryunnosuke noticed Len staring at him, coughed and looked away. Len was going to pester him about that then when they had a minute alone.

"Why does it matter? He's had cake right?" Hibiki said. "I love chocolate cake… ah man, I want cake now."

Katsurou cleared his throat, looking almost green. Aiko-san noticed this and gave him a funny look. "What's wrong Katsu-kun?"

"C-Can we not talk about… mud cake…" he said shakily. "Just the word… makes me wanna barf."

"Why?"

"T-Too rich… I can't eat that and dark chocolate… unless you wanna clean up puke later?"

"Nope," Aiko-san said, giving him a sympathetic smile. Then she looked up at Len, grinning. "Have you ever hand Marble cake?"

Len shook his head.

"Tiramisu?"

"No…"

"C-Coffee Cake? Fondant Fancy? P-Pavlova? What about Baumkuchen?"

"No… I've never tried them." Didn't mean he hadn't made them before. After all, some of them they served at the café he worked at.

"That's it! TO THE CAKE SHOP!" Aiko-san cried out, startling everyone as she jumped from her seat. "THAT _IS_ BLASPHEMY! YOU CAN NOT GO ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT THIS! I SHALL MAKE IT MY DUTY THAT YOU TRY WHATEVER YOU WANT!"

"Y-You're going to force me to eat cake before I get in the pool?"

Everyone went silent, and suddenly, Shion-senpai sighed. "Good point, being bloated when getting in the pool is a terrible idea. That's why we decided to eat _after_ we went swimming…"

Hibiki frowned to himself. "So… we aren't getting cake?"

"Surely Shion will have a cake there for us, right?" Katsurou said, having regained his composure. He still looked a little sick, but he'd clearly shrugged it off. "_Right?_"

"Of course," Shion-senpai replied, nodding. "My mother is going to make it. She didn't tell me what flavour it was going to be, only that there was going to be cake."

"I bet its strawberry cake," Hibiki said, chirping loudly. "I love the strawberry cakes you're mother makes. They're freaking amazing, with all the whipped cream and strawberry on that lovely sponge cake…"

It didn't sound too bad… but with Hibiki drooling like that, Len felt a little uncomfortable. Clearly Shion-senpai felt the same. "Hibiki, stop drooling. You look stupid when you do that."

"But!"

"No buts!" Shion-senpai snapped back then looked at Len. "Tomorrow, we'll go cake hunting."

Nope, nope, definitely _not_! "I can't… I have work," Len quickly lied. He normally did work Sundays, but before he left home, he was informed there wasn't work for the next few days because of a leak that happened in the kitchen. Business resumed Monday, however.

Shion-senpai stared at him, trying to work out if that was a lie or not. Clearly, he was suspicious but no one-

Nope, now Ryunnosuke was looking at him, looking _very_ suspicious. Of course, he knew where Len worked because he'd gotten the job during their last year in Junior High. He just gave Len this weird look like he _knew_ Len was lying, but thankfully, he kept his mouth shut. He didn't have proof either that Len was lying… _yet_.

"Oh!" Chiyoko suddenly spoke out, turning to Aiko-san with big, bright eyes. "I found a really cute café the other day. I'd never seen it before, but it looks _amazing_. I asked around about it and apparently they make some of the best Pavlova in town."

"Really?" Aiko-san looked extremely happy for some odd reason. "Why is this the first time I heard of this?"

"Aiko-san really loves her Pavlova, huh?" Katsurou laughed. "Now you're drooling."

"I am not!"

She didn't _need_ to drool, her eyes said enough as it was.

* * *

**A/N: CAKIE! And lol ****Katsurou is a man after my heart. Hears the word "chocolate mud cake" and heads for the nearest toilet. Just can't eat it, that or dark chocolate. ANYWAYS! Filler chapter, but what is this cafe Chiyoko mentioned? ;) That's for later too... still.. chapter 12 man, why must it be so complicated to write?! Let's pray I swing back into it so I don't have to worry about having nothing to upload!**


	9. Party

**Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **BL/Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut (in later chapters).

**A/N: I'm sorry I have taken this long to update. Things... haven't been good. Been on and off all kinds of medication because of complications plus a nervous break down. I haven't written anything in ages either. Chapters might be slow, and I am sorry about that. I'll try to keep up-to-date. Anyways, I don't exactly remember everything that happened in this. I remember Gus (you'll find out who that is very quickly ;) ) and that this is Kaito's party. I might have to go back and re-read the story before I can pick it up again lol. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Nine

Len was surprised on how small Shion-senpai's place actually was. It was smaller than Aiko-san, but then again, Aiko-san had a large family; Shion-senpai was an only child. The garden out front was plain old grass that had been mowed in the last day or two. The drive way was fairly small, and the front was pretty dull compared to Aiko-san's place (why was he _constantly_ comparing the two was beyond him). Then again, the apartment complex he lived in wasn't much better either. When he stepped inside, he felt like he was walking into a washed out place. There wasn't many photo's around the place; the odd one here or there, but that was about it. No plants, just plain furniture. A black leather sofa, two arm chairs, two bookcases, a decent sized TV and a game console on beside it. That was literally the living area. The dining area was… a slight improvement. The table was a warm wooden colour, being a lovely honey orange shade. The chairs were designed with pretty flowers on the cushion and wood to match the table. There was a bookcase there too with a few cookbooks and just random bits and pieces.

That was all Len saw before he was ushered out the backyard. It didn't change his view though. Who'd want to live in such a-

Len took a very deep breath when he saw the backyard. Comparing it to the house and _front lawn_, it was huge! So much space for entertaining and just… massive. To his left was the pool and what he believed was a spa bath; fenced off from the rest of the garden by long glass panels. The centre was the only grass area that also had a large washing line in the centre. To his right was where the business was. In the far left corner there was a small private seating area that wasn't exactly the easiest to see. The rest of the left hand side was a large undercover eating area, with a table big enough to fit about fifteen people at it. There was a long brick bench that had a fridge against the house wall and a large barbecue in the centre. It was decorated with lavish planets and lighting that told Len _this_ was where the action was.

To be honest, Len didn't know what Shion-senpai's parents did for a living. Considering the way the area was decorated, the must often have parties outside.

Len turned his eyes back to the pool but was greet by a white fur ball that came racing towards him.

"GUS! NOOOOOOO!"

Too late. When Len finally caught up with reality, he was being slobbered over by this white fur ball _thing_ that must have thought he was some interesting chew toy. When it finally sat back, pleased with its greeting, Len just stared at it. Now that he had a moment, he realised this fur ball was a dog. A very cute, white dog that wasn't too big, nor too small. It was probably about as big as his chest and torso. Then it barked at him, as if trying to greet him once again. For a minute, Len wasn't sure what to do until two pair of hands grabbed it, pulling it away. Next thing he knew, Shion-senpai and Aiko-san were staring at him, looking worried. "Are you alright? Did you hit your head?" Aiko-san said, offering a hand to help him up.

"N-No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Aiko-san pressed.

"I-I'm sure."

Suddenly, Shion-senpai grumped and looked at the dog in his hand. "Gus, that wasn't very nice. You just can't tackle my friends. I want them to like you, you know."

Len looked at them both. "W-What dog…"

Shion-senpai grinned at Len. "He's a Japanese Spitz; we adopted him and another one a few years back. Normally Gus and Shin are shy, but clearly Gus really likes you," he winked then looked at the dog. "Gus, you have to apologize to Len now."

For a minute, Len thought _Shion-senpai_ had bumped his head as this felt so strange when Gus suddenly gave Len the most woeful look and let out a small yelp as if he was seriously trying to say _"sorry". _Ok… maybe Len had hit his head too hard, because there was no way…

"Good boy Gus!"

Len rubbed his forehead and glanced at Aiko-san who looked equally confused. However, she was quicker to recover. "Anyways, Len better stay out the pool after that fall. We don't want him fainting or something," she said, still convinced he'd hurt himself. After what just happened, Len was pretty sure he _did_ hit his head… unless Gus was just really, _really_ smart and could speak.

Shion-senpai looked at Len, frowned then sighed. "Maybe for a little while. Just in case."

* * *

Katsurou swam up to Len, using the ledge beside him to push himself out the water before sitting himself by Len and the stair way into the pool. He stretched for a moment then sat back, watching the scene silently beside him. Len did his best not to glance at Katsurou who was so focused on everyone in the pool. His eyes were centred straight on Shion-senpai who was currently arguing with Hibiki about something stupid. Len hadn't paid much attention really, instead he watched the people around him interact with themselves and Shion-senpai. He made such smooth transitions from one conversation to another, and never stopped charming people with his bright smile. For a minute, even Len was charmed, though he was still recovering from the shock of Shion-senpai having a talking dog.

Then, Katsurou spoke. "I heard you saying to the teacher once that you couldn't swim… was that the truth?"

No, it wasn't the full truth. Len could swim, just not as well as the others. "I sorta can swim… just I have a tendency to sink."

"Ryu said you never went to swim class… isn't it boring just sitting here watching everyone?"

"I guess…" Len whispered, still unsure what Katsurou was getting at.

"If you want… I could teach you to swim."

"Pardon?"

Katsurou looked away, slightly embarrassed. Looking at his profile, Len was pretty sure the guy was blushing. Katsurou was pretty cute if there was a word to describe him. You wouldn't call him handsome, just cute. He was similar in frame as Len, being rather short and light skinned. His hair was a black-blue kind of colour which was the polar opposite to Len soft blonde hair, yet he had the striking blue eyes that were electric blue, a slightly more radiant shine to Len bright blue eyes. He was what you'd expect of a young athlete with the showing of a slightly muscular chest and strong shoulders. Len knew he was pretty pro fitness, though he never paid much attention to the sport he played. Clearly, he was beginning to work out what it was now.

"You're good at swimming?"

"I teach youngest to swim in my spare time," he said, as if leading away from Len's question. "I know a thing or two that could help you. Besides, when summer comes around, you're gonna want to be able to at least float if you… intend to survive swim classes."

The slight break almost made Len believe he was going to say _impress the girls_ rather than _survive swim classes_. Almost, but he didn't say anything about it. "Well… I sorta can swim… isn't that enough?"

"Well… I suppose." Katsurou looked more embarrassed. "I-It was just an offer. You don't need to take it!" And in a panic, he jumped back into the pool and joined a group of people talking, laughing nervously to brush off what happened.

For a minute, Len sat there before Ryunnosuke came over, looking worried. "He wanted to know if I wanted swimming lessons," Len told Ryu as he and Chiyoko joined him at the ledge. "Is Katsurou good?"

"Good?" Chiyoko spluttered. "He's pro as Len. He wants to go to the Olympics and swim for gold. He's been training hard." Chiyoko grinned then swam off to say something to Aiko-san.

"Really?" Len asked.

"Yes," Ryunnosuke nodded. "He has been interested in it for a while. Chiyoko and him went to middle school together, though they never talked until meeting Shion-senpai."

Len watched him for a while. "Does he come off as being sheepish?"

"No, he's normally out going, why?"

"He just felt… that way. Like, all choked up and embarrassed."

"Maybe he was just unsure how to approach the conversation," Ryunnosuke replied softly. "He probably didn't want to make you feel dumb or useless because you don't swim as well as most people."

"Maybe…" Len whispered then looked at Ryunnosuke. "How did you get so good at Maths?"

Ryunnosuke gave him that sleepy smile he always had. "I asked Hibiki to help me."

And here Len thought Hibiki wasn't really that bright considering he slept through most classes. "So he's good at maths?"

"Yeah, though I wouldn't ask him to help you with anything else," Ryunnosuke smiled knowingly. "But he generally is good at maths. I'm kind of jealous."

"Me too."

* * *

Most of the night went along smoothly. Len found he had several people talking to him, though they were mainly short chats before they moved on. Twice, Katsurou tried to talk, but out of his own frustration or embarrassment, he ran away. Ryunnosuke sat with him for a long time, talking about middle school and about Miku. He was still surprised Len saw Miku from time to time, considering she was famous and all now. Chiyoko didn't really talk to him, only stayed close by whenever Ryunnosuke was talking to him. Aiko-san came over several times, asking if he was ok even though he promised he was. Eventually, he was coaxed into the pool.

And Shion-senpai? He was dragged all over the place, but he found moments where he and Len spoke. They discovered a few things, like how they both enjoyed the same genres of music and movies, and that Shion-senpai couldn't cook to save his own life… unless it was Pizza, which apparently he was a professional when it came to making them. Len found out why Shion-senpai had two dogs, and why they were called Shin and Gus. It appeared they'd adopted them from a friend who was a breeder. They were very small, considered runts, yet Shion-senpai wanted to keep them. Shin and Gus were their names already as the breeders were originally going to keep them. Len also found out that Shin and Gus had their own doggie beds in Shion-senpai's room, which was their favourite sleeping spots.

After a few hours, they all got out the pool, had cake and the night ended. Now Len was waiting with Shion-senpai and Aiko-san for Aiko-san's father, who was running a few minutes late.

"He _always_ falls asleep moments before he has to pick me up!" Aiko-san grumbled as they sat in the living area of Shion-senpai's home. "Why does he always do this?"

"His shifts are always fluctuating, aren't they? You gotta cut him some slack," Shion-senpai replied, smiling slightly at her. "He doesn't mean to."

Len watched them as they talked, watching the way that Shion-senpai was completely relaxed, almost as if he was dozing off in the chair. Aiko-san looked tired as well, which was probably why she was cranky. Even Len felt a little drained, as the night had been rather crazy. After a tense silence, Len finally decided to break it. "I know it's rude to ask, but how did you two become friends?" He asked, hoping to lead away from the seldom mood.

"Hmm," Shion-senpai was thoughtful. "It was the opening ceremony right? Aiko was lost, and I just happened to be running late. It just sorta… happened."

"Yeah…" Aiko-san went silent. "I don't remember how we became friends with any of the others. It just sorta happened over time. That's what happens when you hang out with people, you get to know them and before you know it, you're classed as friends."

"So… there was nothing special?"

"No, not really," Shion-senpai shrugged. "I-" The sentence didn't finish when Shion-senpai's phone buzzed, cutting him off. He pulled it out his pocket, flipped it open. He stared at the screen for a split second, closed it, and returned to talking as if it never happened. "I try not to let my thoughts wander too much. They never end up anywhere nice anyways."

That Len could understand. He tried to think about things too much, as they left him frustrated more than anything. However, Len was an over thinker, and couldn't help but keep them buzzing around in his mind. However, that didn't really answer his question. Besides, why didn't he want to remember his and Aiko-san's meeting? There was something hidden in that sentence, but Len didn't know what. Why was Shion-senpai late that day?

Before Len had a chance to push, light flashed into the window and they all turned to see a car pull up. It looked like Aiko-san's father was finally here, so they could finally go home. And as they did, Len just couldn't help but wonder _why the hell_ Shion-senpai was late that day? As far as Len could recall, he'd never been late to class before.

* * *

**A/N: What is Kaito hiding? Hmmm...**


	10. Anxiety

**Chapter Ten**

"Whew! What a work out!" Len heard Shion-senpai say to his the other guys on the team as they finished up soccer for the evening. He normally didn't linger long, but today he lingered long enough to catch sight of Shion-senpai, who'd uncharacteristically stripped off his shirt. The days were slowly beginning to warm up now that summer was on the horizon, and today had been no exception, having been warm enough for them to _really_ sweat while doing really nothing at all.

"Kagamine-kun?" A voice called to Len, making him turn around to see his homeroom teacher briskly walking up to him. This came to a surprise for Len since his homeroom teacher also their Maths teacher, not PE.

"Sensei?"

"Is it alright if I borrow you for a moment?" he asked, his voice very quiet and shaky. There was something in this shaky mannerism that made Len feel like his stomach was going to drop that second. Nothing good was going to come out from this, which he was sure of.

"Alright?"

"Let's head to the office, it's not a conversation we should discuss with students around."

Len had just realised the guys from the field _were_ approaching, wanting to know what was happening. "Ok," Len nodded. He didn't give the students a second look as he followed his teacher away from the field. Hopefully by the time this discussion was over, they'd be gone anyway.

* * *

"Are you sure you have nowhere to go?" His sensei insisted, his voice unable to hide the panic. "She was spotted outside the apartment door. I just don't want to let you go home knowing she's there."

Len nodded, trying to keep himself calm. His sensei had almost _avoided_ the conversation at first, asking silly things like how it was going and if he was struggling with anything (Maths in particular) before Len had coax him to talk. From what was said, it appeared his mother had decided to "drop-by" and a neighbour had called the school to warn them of her being there. There were no legal statements stating she had to stay away from them, yet the neighbours knew she was bad news. Clearly, they'd decided to inform the school that Len needed to stay as far away from her as possible.

The thing was… where _could_ Len go? The last time this happened he had to book a hotel room because that was all he could do. There wasn't _anywhere_ to go! "Kagamine-kun?"

"It's alright. I'll steer clear from home," he said, standing up. "If you excuse me, I have to go pick up my sister." And with that walked out the office, ignoring his teacher who called after him. There was no time to be dawdling, he had to grab his things, get Rin and bolt. It could be a couple days before they could really go home. There was only one problem. Where were they going to go in the meantime? Maybe if he asked work, he could borrow one of the upstairs storage rooms for a few nights?

There was so much to think about. Len quickly walked back down to the lockers, and peeked inside. It was noisy and foggy, and he could hear people talking. He'd have to be quick. Slipping inside, he shut the door as quietly as he good before manoeuvring past the rows of lowers towards the back. He made a sharp turn into the final lane, but he'd barely turned that corner when he went face first into someone. He'd been so unprepared for the jolt that he lost balance and fell to the ground. "Len?" Of course it was going to be _him_. Why would it have been _anyone _else? Len looked up at Shion-senpai who was now kneeling down, looking concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah," Len replied shakily, getting to his feet. He walked past Shion-senpai, grabbed his bag and tried to make an escape, but Shion-senpai was quicker, and blocked his escape path. It appeared several other guys had moved in to see what was going on. "C-Can you please move?"

"What's wrong? Why are you in a rush?"

"T-That's not any of your business."

"So you're going to leave here and not shower?" Shion-senpai looked confused, if not a little disgusted in the thought.

"I don't have time for this," Len hissed and tried to work his way around him. "Please _move_!"

"Not until you tell me what's going on!"

"It's not _any of your damn business!_" Len growled through a clenched jaw. Every muscle in his body had stiffened. His hands hurt from the tension in his body, and began to squeeze them together in order to relieve the pain. "Look," he said stiffly after a moment. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I have something _very_ important to do, and I'm wasting time every minute I am here because I'm squaring off with you. Now, _move_ out the way!"

He'd expected Shion-senpai to back down, but he didn't. Instead, Shion-senpai squared his shoulders and add further pressure to his body, becoming a hard shield. "Something bad has happened, hasn't it?!"

"Shion, I said _move_!"

"I won't move because something bad-"

"EVERY MINUTE I WASTE IS ANOTHER MINUTE RIN IS IN DANGER, SO FUCKING MOVE!" Unable to suppress the boiling rage in his gut, he attempted to push Shion-senpai out the way. Unfortunately, he'd barely moved an inch with Len's attempt.

"Why is she-?"

"DAMN IT SHION!"

"I'm not letting you walk into something dangerous!"

"THIS HAS NOTHING-"

"THIS HAS EVERY DAMN THING TO DO WITH ME!"

Len took a step back, surprised at Shion-senpai's outburst. All of a sudden, he felt as if he'd lost his nerve and nervously took another step back. The fact was, Shion-senpai was a _lot_ bigger than him, and could squish him if he wanted to. "This doesn't have anything to do with you," Len said after a breathless minute. "Look, the situation can be resolved if I catch up to Rin."

"And where do you go from there?"

"Well…" Len bit his lip. He _really_ didn't want to explain to Shion-senpai why they couldn't go home. He knew_ exactly_ what he would say. "I…"

"What happened?"

"I can't tell you what happened. It's none of your-"

"Say that one more time and I'll slap you."

Len's voice died and he felt speechless, breathless; if not a little dizzy. He'd never seen Shion-senpai so angry, so…

"What _happened_?"

So scared…Shion-senpai was _scared_. Len stared at him, just stared. _Why the hell was he scared? It wasn't like he had a dangerous and probably drugged up and drunk mother at their house, waiting to ruin his life. He would go home and be safe, he would-_

"Why is your mother at your place?"

Well shit. Len slapped a hand over his mouth only too late. Had he said that out loud? He took another step back. The dizziness was getting strong, and for a moment, everything had blurred. He was going to faint, any minute, he was going to faint.

"Len, why is-"

"NO!" Len yelled, turned around and raced into the crowd behind him, wiggling his way out and making for the door. Shion-senpai was faster and got there in time to prevent Len from leaving.

"Len!"

His vision was beginning to go black around the edges and he took several steps back. His body was trembling hard and his breathing hitched, coming out in loud huffs. He could feel sweat dripping down his neck, and making his skin crawl.

"Len!"

_NO! RIN… RIN IS!_

_"__**LEN!"**_

His hands gripped his arms, tightening, _tightening_. Voices sounded blurred, and his vision darken. Head throbbing, legs shaking, _weakening_. Shion-senpai was stepping closer…everything else was out of focus, just Shion-senpai and the door he couldn't reach.

Then, everything got loud. So loud he couldn't shut them out, even after he clamped his hands over his ears, the voices wouldn't go. They were awful, saying horrible things. Rin _screaming_,_ crying_. He had to get to Rin! Rin was in danger. Pain spread across his chest and suddenly… he couldn't breathe and the floor dipped. The last thing he could hear was his name being scream as the blackness finally stole his vision.

* * *

Someone was talking. It was distant. Wherever he was, he felt warm and safe. He tried to focus on the words, but he couldn't quite catch them.

"…akupo…outsi…safel…"

What did that mean?

"…Len…po…out…"

It didn't matter, he didn't understand. He'd just sleep… for… a… little…long…er…

* * *

**A/N: ...uh oh...**

**P.S: I updated the summary to sound better.**

**P.S.S: Tomorrow's my Birthday, so as a treat, I updated ;) I hope you all enjoyed!**


	11. Aftermass

**A/N: Chapter's are a bit short, but I promise that they will get a bit more interesting. We're nearly up to midway (chapter 15), where a whole lot of stuff is going to happen.**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

Wherever he was, he felt warm. As he slowly regained conscious, Len found himself just lying there with his eyes closed, taking in this strange, buzzing feeling in his body. He felt _very_ warm and safe, and somewhere in the distance, he could hear someone humming a soft tune while something cool brushed against his forehead. It kind of contradicted itself, being rugged up in something soft and warm yet have someone constantly brush the sweat from your head. It felt… nice. He'd never had this kind of treatment before. When he got sick, he moved on. Rin was the first and foremost priority and there was never a vacation from it, _regardless_ of his health.

So he laid there, soaking it in before he began to focus on the voice in the room with him. The voice was very gentle, the hum being rhythmic and precise. No beat were missed, but there were times when the voice quietened, and for that brief moment, he could only hear himself breathing. Just when he was convinced he was now on his own, Len would hear the voice again, humming the same tune as before. The harder he listened to it, the more he began to hear the depth of the voice. While the voice was very soft, it had this edge to it that told Len that the person who was humming was probably a young man. The humming was actually more like singing; the harder Len listened, the more he picked up words.

The words were definitely from a song, but Len had never heard it. Whatever it was, it was a simple, nice song. The words seemingly lingered between sorrow and another feeling Len couldn't describe. It made Len feel like he was going to cry the longer he laid there, listening to it. He should open his eyes, he really _should_. However, opening his eyes meant waking up to reality. He just wasn't ready yet to wake up to reality…

* * *

_In some distance place, somewhere deep in his mind, he was perfect. He was complete, whole and perfect. In this place he no longer fear to look in the mirror, because when he did, he saw himself as how he wanted to be. Masculine, strong and independent. Every feature on his body represented what the man was; the whole package was there, on his body._

_In this distance place, he had many male friends, and wasn't afraid to shower in the change rooms because there was nothing to hide. He could stand there proudly, and didn't feel any shame._

_In this distance place, he had a home and a loving family. Rin was a girl, he was a boy, and his parents showered them with love and nurturing, because there wasn't anything "wrong" with them. They were perfect._

_In this distance place, he had a lover, and it didn't matter what the gender was of this lover, because it was now acceptable, and no one judge you whether you took a man or woman to your bed. You weren't judged if you choose to have a family even with a same-sexed partner._

_This world was perfect. His perfect part of reality._

_But dreams were dreams, and nothing more. Reality was cruel._

_In reality, Len was not perfect. Instead, he choose to look away from the mirror, ashamed because he was different, that he wasn't "normal". Ashamed because no one loved him for who he was, not what he was._

_In reality, Len didn't really have people he could call friends, especially guy friends. Instead, he shut himself and his body away, doing his best to protect himself, because once they knew, they wouldn't see him as… him._

_In reality, Len and Rin were transsexual, a boy and a girl trapped inside a body that wasn't supposed to be theirs. Len wasn't a girl, and Rin wasn't a boy, they were the opposite… and Len just wanted it to change. But, they were just that, a boy trapped in a girl's body, and Rin a girl trapped inside a boy's body. Because of their, their parents could show them no love. They were "abnormal"._

_In reality, he didn't have a lover; and if he did, he'd be shunned for loving another man. Same sex was still a war that hadn't been won, and prejudice people would never accept it. An ongoing war that felt long and drawn out._

_In reality, life just suck. No matter how much he dreamed of his perfect paradise… he knew it would never happen. He would have to remain behind closed door, lie and hide away. He had no chance to make friends, and there was no way people would want to be if they knew._

_…Dear god, please don't let people know…_

_He just wanted to be…Kagamine Len…A normal teenaged boy._

_…Was that too much to ask for…?_

* * *

When Len finally opened his eyes, it was dark outside and he was alone. He felt cold and alone despite his body sweating violently. He felt tired and upset as he forced himself to sit; while stubbornly looking around to assess the situation.

He didn't know where he was to start. What he did know that the room was very spacious, but clearly and unused bedroom. The curtains weren't completely drawn close, so Len was able to tell it was night time. It was his own means of telling the time since he could see no visible clock anywhere in the room. He also noticed that the room had an installed wardrobe, its doors being long mirrors that reflected the whole room, and himself. He could only see his shadow in the dark room, but he knew what was looking back at him. He forced his eyes away, and stared down into his lap. His hands were clenched and he slowly tried to unclench them. Even in the dark, he knew his nails had left marks in the skin. He didn't know how long he'd had them clenched, but he knew why.

He was so frustrated and exhausted. He was tired of all the secrecy, tired of being afraid. He shouldn't have reacted like that. Anxiety… and panic attacks. His fear was beginning to swallow him up whole… how long would he last like this? He didn't want to live like this, didn't want to brush it aside as normal. It wasn't… he knew that, but he hadn't gone to get help.

It was his fear of people finding out that prevented him from reaching out.

Speaking of finding out…

Len felt a flash of dread in his stomach and couldn't help but through off the sheets. He was still in his PE clothing… and he smelt _bad_. He needed a shower, but before he could even think of that, he had to find out where he was. Slipping from the sheets, he crept towards the door and opened it just the slightest. There was something that caught his attention and he found he pulled the door right open. The hallway was littered with bodies all wrapped up in blankets. He couldn't see the faces, but he did recognize two sleeping right across from the door.

Rin and Gakupo.

Beside the door were two other people, but they were so shadowed he couldn't actually see who they were. However, he did notice someone coming up the hallway, someone who could instantly recognize by their body shape.

Aiko-san's mother.

She stopped when she saw him, and maybe because how she was when he met her, Len could guess she was smiling softly.

"How are you feeling?"

"…Dirty…" Len admitted. "I'm still in my gym clothing… I smell pretty bad."

"I thought you'd want a shower when you get up. Come along, I'll show you where it is."

Len hesitated for a moment. Once again, a ball of dread began to build up in his stomach.

Maybe she'd sensed it, because the next words surprised him. "The shower downstairs is available, so you don't have to worry. Aiko told me you were very cautious about your body, so at least the one down stairs is away from everyone else."

"Did she… tell you exactly what the reason behind it is?"

"No, but then again, I don't need to know to understand."

* * *

**A/N: Like I said, short chapter. I don't like the next chapter very much (I struggled writing it and making it sound... well, good lol.) I hope you all are enjoying so far :)**


	12. What do you see?

**A/N: Ugh, I really don't like this chapter. The ending I do like, but not everything before it. It just doesn't feel... right. I don't know if it gets what I want across? I don't really know what I can do since I've re-written this about seven times :/**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

Early the next morning was quiet at first. Aiko-san had woken first and had been the first down stairs. She didn't comment about Len having changed into his uniform, nor why he smelt _clean_; she sat down at the table and promptly fell asleep until her mother laid down her breakfast in front of her. Minami-san mentioned Aiko-san was not a morning person and to forgive her for her behaviour. Of course, Len didn't need to be told since Aiko-san spent more time sleeping than eating her breakfast.

Len was on his third cup of tea when everyone else wandered down stairs.

"Nii-san!" Rin screamed as she threw herself into his arms. She sobbed there in his chest for a while before Gakupo spoke up.

"We woke up and you weren't there, so she got scared."

"I'm sorry Rin," Len soothed, petting her hair. After another moment, she looked up at him with woeful eyes.

"Nii-san better?"

"Yeah, I am," Len promised, but he felt anything but.

She was encouraged off his lap and into the seat next to him to eat breakfast. Now that she was distracted, the fourth and final person spoke up. "You scared us back then Len," Shion-senpai said as he sat down beside Aiko in a stiff, pained movement. Gakupo had popped himself at the end of the table and was saying something to Minami-san about staying the night and apologize, in which she retorted that it was fine and he needn't worry about it. He was distracted he didn't hear what was going on between Aiko-san and Shion-senpai.

"…You're an idiot," Aiko-san was saying, following on from a sentence Len hadn't caught. "You scared him shittless with your attitude." Official: Aiko-san was _scary_ in the mornings. Her eyes had narrowed and she looked like she was going to jump from her chair and punch Shion-senpai.

"There was no way I was just going to _drop_ things!" Shion-senpai snapped back.

"It wasn't any of your business!"

"He was muttering under his breath; drained of all colour and looked ready to faint the minute he walked through the change room door. He was in no state to be left alone!"

"You were too pushy! If you're in panic mode, you too would be provoked and faint at the slight of danger. You should have just backed off a little."

"You weren't there!"

"I didn't need to be! Ryu said the same damn thing!"

"Ryu wasn't even there either!"

They continued to argue, but Len didn't feel like he needed to add anything. In fact… he actually felt a little grateful Shion-senpai did… the thought of facing his mother _terrified_ him. Yet, they continued to argue, and for a moment, he swore Gakupo had said something, but he never saw Gakupo's mouth move.

The way Shion-senpai and Aiko-san were carrying on was annoying Len. He didn't want to say anything, but he had to make them stop. Rin was getting upset, and that was really beginning to grind his nerves. Never _once_ had he yelled in front of her, or argued when she was around. She didn't _need_ that. She didn't need to see or hear it!

That was the final straw! Slamming his hands down on the table, he jumped up and roared at them. "Shut the hell up, both of you!" Everyone went silent, and even Len was a little startled at his own display. At least… they'd stopped arguing, but now they had their attention on him. Fine, whatever, he'd work this out. Breathing hard, Len gave himself a moment to calm down before he continued to speak. "What's done is done, can we stop talking about this?!" He sat down, crossed his arms and stared at them with narrowed eyes.

"Aren't you angry about-?"

"Of course I'm freaking angry!" Len roared, throwing his hands up in the air. "I'm freaking angry about a whole bunch of things! I'm angry about my mother, about my situation. I'm angry that my feelings were ignored _again_, and everything got blown out of proportion. I'm angry because people think I can't freaking protect myself, even though I've been protect Rin and I FOR YEARS!" He clenched his hands on the table, and felt tears beginning to well up in his eyes. "I've done every damn thing I could for the both of us yet it's not _good enough_!"

"No one said-"

"Words aren't the only form of communication!" Len snapped just as Shion-senpai opened his mouth. "Besides, people _are_ saying it. Not with direct words but they're still saying it. Besides, you don't even know the whole story; how long have you been around exactly? A few weeks?!"

"That's because you don't tell people anything!" Shion-senpai countered.

"Why _should_ I? I don't know you! Why should I tell you anything?!"

"Because we're friends?!"

"On whose account?!" Len roared. "Who said anything about being friends? We never even talked to each other until several weeks ago! And remember, you made an ass of yourself then too!"

"I thought that was forgiven and forgotten!"

Well, he had said to Shion-senpai he'd forgiven him, but honestly, he didn't know. "It doesn't change anything! Yeah, it happened, and it's in the past, but sometimes it still hurts! And then you say we're friends?! How can I trust you when you do stupid things?!"

"I know I do stupid things," Shion-senpai snapped angrily as he slammed his fist on the table. "And I've said dumb things, but I've never once thought ill of you. Hell, I stood up for you! I even let myself get punched in the face because I said stupid things and hurt you." Shion-senpai looked away, lowering his voice. "I've never had bad intentions, I just want to help."

"You can't."

"That's because you won't let me help. You don't give me a chance."

"I DON'T TRUST YOU!" Len yelled. "How can I trust people when everyone I've let in just hurts me?!"

Shion-senpai didn't say anything. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and when he reopened them, Len saw something anew in Shion-senpai eyes. A kind of determination. "It because you've let the wrong people in, Len. But people get hurt. Life wasn't meant to be kind, and there are some people who can't help but hurt others; but the reason why people hurt others, is because they have been hurt too. They only know pain, can only give pain; they don't try to learn how to give and care, so they can't." He looked at everyone else before he continued. "You choose to let these people in, didn't you? You let Kamui-san in, didn't you? You let Aiko-chan in, right? Aik0-chan didn't have it easy, either. Nor did Kamui-san. However, they've learnt from the pain and they made a conscious decision. Haven't done the same? Didn't I change my situation around? People were already marking me as a corpse, as a human who couldn't be help. I was pretty much dead, and technically, a lot of them still don't see me having a chance at survival.

"Things aren't meant to be easy, Len," Shion-senpai continued calmly. "If it was, then what do we strive for? Life wouldn't be worth living. No goals, no achievements, nothing to be successful at. We just have to take everything we get – the good and the bad – and make something out of it. So rather complain or moan or think about how shitty everything is, start focusing on what you can and are doing. Stay on the positives. Ignore the negative. You don't need to listen to the words of people who aren't in your situation. They're irrelevant; always have, always will be."

They stared at each other. Len could see Shion-senpai's eyes burning with strong determination to help. He knew that, could see that… but he wasn't ready to admit that he needed or wanted his help. "Why do you meddle in other people's affairs and trying helping them out?"

"Because everyone needs someone they can rely on when things go sour."

"I don't need-"

"Why lie to yourself?" Shion-senpai counted. "You do need help, but you're so hung up on what everyone else has done that you don't accept the helping hand when people do offer it."

"People are two faced. You too."

"You're right," Shion-senpai nodded. "I'm pretty much an asshole with his head up his ass."

"I didn't-"

"I got told that often."

That surprised Len. He did admit that maybe he was a little bit, but everyone was.

"Describe me," Shion-senpai said gently.

Len sat there, looking him dead in the eye. What _did_ he know about Shion-senpai? "I don't… know… how to describe you."

"Then do you want me to start?"

"With what?"

"Me describing how I see you?"

* * *

Gakupo took Rin for a walk around the block, so it was only Len, Shion-senpai and Aiko-san left at the kitchen table. Len hadn't said anything for a while, hadn't answered Shion-senpai, just thought about it; thought about who Shion Kaito-senpai _really_ was. What traits had he over looked or not even given a thought about beforehand? What were things he'd seen but… hadn't seen? He didn't really _know_ Shion-senpai, only that when Len first saw him… he perceived it to be a curious interest, then love. Was he really in love with someone he didn't actually know? Someone who he said he didn't trust?

When Len looked up, Shion-senpai still had that determined look. "How do you see me?"

Shion-senpai smiled, and for the first time, Len noticed something he never did. When Shion-senpai _generally_ smiled, he didn't bare his teeth. A simple, small smile that felt warm. His eyes slightly closed, and only did he cheek bare the smallest hint of dimples. "What I see when I look at you? Where does one start? Maybe with something that stands out?"

"I don't know," Len whispered.

Shion-senpai thought for a moment. "When you smile, it's always a large grin; it kind of reminds me of how a child grins at someone or something. Innocent, warm. You're eyes light up with excitement. You engage, and if it's really something funny, you have a loud, childish giggle that goes along with it. When you're like this, your body is relaxed, open and friendly. But when you smiled at Rin, it suddenly changed. You didn't smile with you whole face, you just smiled. It wasn't a distant kind of smile, it was rather affectionate, but you're face doesn't light up the same way."

He'd never thought of it like that.

"When you're agitated, like before, you have a habit of flexing you fingers and hands. Clenching and unclenching them. They stay clenched when you speak. You're eyes narrow, the affection and kindness you harbour disappears and for a minute, I was convinced I wasn't even talking to you. You become cold, your eyes fill with annoyance or pure hatred. Everything that makes you special just disappears. Yet, under that coldness I always feel insecurity; _fear_."

Len looked down at his hands. Had he been clenching them? Had he just been so wrapped up in what he was saying that he didn't think of stuff like that; but then again, why should you?

"When you get scared, you pale automatically. You're face drains, and you begin to talk to yourself. The more you become afraid, the louder you talk, the harder you breathe. Sometimes you induce a panic attack, like yesterday, and become so paralysed by the fear living in you that you no longer have control and just collapse. You're eyes always go glassy, as if the thing you're afraid of isn't something happening then and there, it is something you've remembered; a past problem or situation that suddenly comes to mind and reminds you of all the bad things. It's probably borderline Post Traumatic Stress disorder, not that I'm a doctor who can diagnose that."

He didn't know he was talking to himself then… had Rin heard things he'd said subconsciously?

"However, what always grabs my attention is the way you are when you're just thinking; shut off in your own world. Your eyes don't fixate of anything, and you're pretty much blind to the world around you. Sometimes, if it's a good thought, you wear a small smile, but other times, if it's bad your hands clench at the cheeks, since you normally have your chin in both hands. They're never folded under the chin, just planted there. I see this every time I look at you, and though only when I think about it, it really makes sense, yet I wouldn't pick up on these things. I only really notice the feelings in you when you smile, because it's such a bright, warm one. To be honest, I like how you smile. It's charming."

* * *

Aiko was taking her time getting ready, so Gakupo walked on ahead with Rin, leaving Shion-senpai and Len waiting for Aiko. It wasn't as if they were going to be late, but Len was beginning to feel impatient. He still didn't know what to feel after what Shion-senpai said. They barely knew each yet… yet he'd noticed a lot of things.

_"I like how you smile. It's charming."_

He had nothing to say to that. He couldn't even tell Shion-senpai the things he'd noticed. Maybe… him liking Shion-senpai wasn't real? Maybe he was just liked the idea of Shion-senpai, but not the actual person. The first time he saw Shion-senpai was at lunch when he was talking to Aiko-san. It had been the first day at school, no one really knew anyone, and only those who'd moved on with their friends were the only ones really communicating. Shion-senpai was repeating, and all Aiko-san's friends went to a girls school rather than to their co-ed school. He knew Ryunnosuke had gone to his high school, but he'd not seen Ryu that day… and didn't even realise they were in the same class.

Shion-senpai sat in the back corner, by the windows. They'd not been moved to their seat they were in now. That wouldn't happen for a week. They'd sat at opposite ends of the class room, but the first time he noticed Shion-senpai had been then. It hadn't been anything then since he'd flee to see Gakupo, but when they were finally positioned in their current locations, he'd begun to really _notice_ him. He sat pretty much in his line of sight. Gradually, he watched Shion-senpai talk with others, make friends and become this happy-go-lucky person he was.

To be honest… maybe he was more jealous of Shion-senpai, and not in love?

Maybe it was time to give up?

"Is there anything that strikes you about me?"

Shion-senpai spoke up, startling Len from his thoughts. "Pardon?"

"Anything that strikes you. Something you noticed about me?"

They were staring at each other. Anything…

"Anything that comes to mind?"

… "Maybe the way you attract people to you." He looked at Len, his eyes asking if he was serious. Ok, that wasn't quite what he was looking for. He'd rephrase that. "What I mean is that you seem to draw people in. I mean, you're easy on the eyes, but that's not the reason why-"

"So I'm easy on the eyes, eh?"

He slapped him across the arm and continued. "That's _not_ the reason why people are attracted to you. You seem so… happy. Like there isn't anything wrong with your life. That there isn't a reason for you to not be happy. When you smile, others smile back, because it's bright and cheery. I guess… in some ways it makes me a little jealous how you smile so easily."

"You don't need to be jealous," Shion-senpai laughed loudly.

"You also laugh easy too!"

Shion-senpai smiled a sleepy sort of smile. That was how it was for a moment before he reached out, gently placing a hand on Len's face and looking down at him. His eyes were tender, and his next words were soft. "I'm the one jealous, because my smiles are fake… at least yours are genuine."

…Wait. What? What did he mean by fake?

Then, all too quickly Shion-senpai realised how close he was, dropped his hand and looked awkwardly away. Did he just miss something…?

"Senpai?"

"God, Aiko takes forever!" Shion-senpai yelled, kicking the ground. "This is awkward." That was said so quietly Len wasn't sure he heard it.

"Sen-?"

"I'm walking ahead!" and he bolted. Well, he didn't run, just moved really quickly away. Before Len had chance to catch up, Aiko-san jumped out the door, gave Len a questioning look before the before ran after Shion-senpai.

As they slowed down just behind Shion-senpai, Len _did_ notice something. Shion-senpai's ears were _red_.

* * *

**A/N: Kaito... are you hiding something ;) Stay tuned!**


	13. Time Flies When Having Fun!

**[RANT] I have nothing against criticism; being dyslexic, I depend on people pointing out my errors and use it to my advantage; however, I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING CALLED STUPID! I won't say names, but I had this rude person tell me not to write vocaloid fan fictions without research... ALL BECAUSE RIN WAS YOUNGER THAN LEN! THE HELL! IT'S FICTION! FAN FICTION! IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE ACCURATE! If I made Rin the same age/older than Len, then this story wouldn't exist. I had my reasons! AND OF COURSE I KNOW RIN WAS MADE FIRST, IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THE FRANCHISE THE LAST FIVE YEARS! ARRRRGHHHHHHHH! [RANT END]**

**A/N: Anyways, now that's off my chest, Welcome to Chapter Thirteen... aka, the filler chapter ;) Nothing much happens, really.**

**OH! I also had a anonymous reviewer say Len and Rin are transgender. From what I've researched, I'm pretty sure they are transsexual. Here's the definitions I found:**

**Transgender: **An umbrella term that refers to those with identities that cross over, move between, or otherwise challenge the socially constructed border between the genders. While this can include medical or social transition, it may not. Usually do not get surgery.

**Transsexual: **A term referring to a person who does not identify with the sex they were assigned at birth and wishes, whether successful or not, to realign their gender and their sex through use of medical intervention. Surgery: often, if available to the person, however completely depends on the person.

**If it was available to Len, Len would undoubtedly change his gender. There's no questions about that. However, while it was offered, Len is thinking about Rin, which is why he is working to save up money so that when Rin is older, the offer would be there for her. It may end up later that Len might never go through with surgery, but that hasn't been decided on yet. Hope this clears things up with everyone =D**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

Everything began to move in fast forward. Day by day went past him before he even had a chance to blink. He begun to sit with Shion-senpai and the others at lunch time, not every lunch time as he still wanted to see Gakupo from time to time; but most lunches. Every day began to fill with a happiness Len had forgotten. He learnt so much about the people who'd begun to involve himself with. He reacquainted with Ryunnosuke, begun to spend some of their free afternoons together. He went out with the guys some weekends. Did things he didn't normally do.

Exams came and went, and Len ended up asking Hibiki for help on Maths, and felt blown away when the guy suggested a study group at his apartment. Time began to fill up with hanging out with people, studying with Hibiki, Aiko-san, Shion-senpai and Katsurou. Somehow, he juggled work between this all. He even managed (for a while anyways) to avoid Aiko-san and Chiyoko who'd discovered the café he worked out. Unfortunately, they discovered after several visits. Of course, after they found out, _everyone_ did.

He accidently found out while he, Ryunnosuke and Hibiki were together that the Hibiki really liked Aiko. Len wasn't sure what to say, but Ryunnosuke had poked at him, wanting to know where this all came from. Hibiki ended up remaining silent about the topic, so neither knew when it had all started.

He spent some time with Miku as well, who wouldn't go shopping unless he was with her. She hated going by herself as her slow raise to stardom was slowly complicating her life. He also discovered one of his favourite idol and singer went to Miku's school and was a year ahead of them. Of course, she couldn't promise him that he'd meet her since her schedule was more crowded than hers.

The days flowed on by, and summer was right on the horizon. Len had so many plans already, and it still hadn't started. Every Wednesday Katsurou was competing in the contests and he as well as the others had been invited to come and watch, as well as to cheer on Katsurou.

There were a few days where just he and Shion-senpai were going to hang out, if everything went to plan with work. He even promised to take Rin to the amusement park with Gakupo. She was excited for that; apparently, so was Gakupo.

Things were changing, he was changing…

He was excited for the change…

…But he was also terrified that one day…

…Someday soon…

…They were going to find out he was transsexual…

* * *

"I need some advice." Kaito knelt down in front of Ryu's desk at recess. Kagamine-kun, Aiko and Hibiki had gone to return their library books before Summer Break, and Kaito found he had a rare moment where he and Ryu could just talk. Katsurou and Chiyoko were also nowhere in sight either. Perfect!

Ryu looked up from the book in his hands, staring blankly at Kaito, which unnerved him a little. "What is it?" Ryu asked in his deep voice, his eyes flickering with uncertainty.

Kaito cleared his throat and began nervously. "Let's say I have this friend-"

"Whose name is Kaito-?"

"Who is in need of advice about romance?"

Ryu quirked a brow, set his book down and now looked at Kaito with interest. Once again, something flickered in the back of his eyes, but Kaito wasn't sure what the other teen was thinking. "You are asking me about romance?"

"Well, Katsurou and Hibiki are too stupid to understand anything like this."

"I would disagree. Hibiki apparently has fallen in love with Aiko, though he denies it whenever I ask."

Well, Kaito didn't know _that_! "Why am I the last to know?"

"Well, he didn't quite tell me," Ryunnosuke smiled sleepily. "Anyways, what do you need advice on?"

Kaito frowned for a minute before he blushed and looked away. "I think… I think I'm in love with someone. I don't know… just whenever I'm around them I get butterflies in my stomach and I feel nervous about being an idiot around them… which makes me be an idiot around them."

"Well, that's debateable, since you're an idiot most of the time."

"Thanks for the reassurance," Kaito grumbled. "I thought you were meant to be on my side here."

"So you think you're in love. What makes you so uncertain that it is?"

"Because I've never been _in_ love before. Never, not once. That's why… I just don't know."

Ryu looked thoughtful for a minute. "I think we experience love differently. There isn't an exact way to tell whether you're in love with someone or not. I think it comes down to whether the time you spent with that person is special or just…plain. I guess that's the best word I could use. You being overly nervous might not be related to love or anything."

Sighing, Kaito sat back on his heels. "This doesn't help me."

"Who is it?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because if it's someone I know and seen you around then I can tell you what I think."

Kaito wasn't sure. He didn't really want people to know, and they weren't alone in the classroom. He could tell that some of the girls were watching them; clearly having caught to conversation they were having and looked on curiously. "I…I can't tell you."

Ryu narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything as Kagamine-kun, Aiko and Hibiki had returned from their trip to the library. Instead, they pushed the group of tables they used together and begun to eat lunch. However, he had a feeling that Ryu was now assessing the situation, watching his every move. He'd have to be careful, because he wasn't ready for people to work out just yet who he'd become interested in.

Not yet, but soon.

* * *

**A/N: Another chapter, done and dusted. You all probably notice I don't say "R&amp;R" at the ends of the chapter. I always felt weird asking people to review. So, if you do wanna review, please, you're welcome too! Otherwise, ENJOY! =D**

**Now... off the play conception 2 xDDDDDD**


	14. Truth

**A/N: DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! We finally find out what is exactly wrong with Kaito today! Are you prepared?!**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

"…Shion…Shion-kun?"

Kaito almost jumped from his seat, turning to his doctor who was watching him with a concerned expression. His mind must have wandered off somewhere, since he hadn't heard anything in the last few minutes. "I'm sorry, I have a lot on my mind."

"I can imagine," the doctor replied, sitting back in her seat. "I was telling you what the results were from the last tests…" she watched him for a moment. "You didn't hear a thing I said, did you?"

"Sorry," Kaito apologized. "Can you repeat what you said?"

She gave him a look he could describe before she pulled out the x-rays on her desk. He could tell instantly the news was bad. "There appears to be another tumour," she said carefully. "See this?" she pointed at a particular spot on the x-ray. "This is where the tumour is, but without further testing, I can't tell you how far along it is."

"That means more surgery…"

She shook her head briefly. "Depending on how far long it is…" she went quiet. "Shion-kun, this keeps reoccurring. That's not a good thing." She studied him. "We can do surgery, but if it comes back _again-_"

"My leg will have to be amputated." Yeah, he knew that. "We're going to try surgery again, right?"

"Yes, but I want to have another x-ray done, to make sure how much it's growing. Then, we will book in for surgery." She placed the x-ray down on her table, crossed her arms and said; "I suggested last time, however, that it should be amputated. I know it's not a easy decision, but this is the fifth time it's returned. Surgery might be useless." She sighed sadly. "Osteosarcoma is not something you should dismiss Shion-kun. This is cancer we're talking about. It could potentially become worse, or begin to affect other areas of the body. It doesn't matter what type of cancer it is, if it gets into the brain-"

"I get it," Kaito looked away, clenching his hands. "I just…"

She watched him before sighing, closing her folder and standing up. "Let's get you booked in for another x-ray. For now, this is the only thing we can do."

* * *

"Can we go to the amusement park again sometime?" Rin asked cheerfully as she swung between Gakupo's and Len's hands. They'd sprung it on her this morning that Gakupo had gotten tickets to go, just like they'd promised. Neither Len nor Rin had been, and the day had been full of surprises and tones of toys they'd won on games. Thankfully Gakupo had been smart to bring his backpack so everything had been stuffed in there. They'd just come to the lifts when Len phone rang. It had been Hibiki's idea last week, and before Len had known what was happening, they'd brought a mobile phone for him. From time he got random messages from the crew, but this was the first time it'd actually _rung_. While Rin babbled to Gakupo, Len pulled it out and checked who was calling.

Aiko-san's name was flashing across his screen. This was odd, so he stepped aside to answer. "Hello?"

_"Len! No one can find Kaito! He had something important to do at the hospital and hasn't returned home! His parents are freaking! Have you seen him?"_

"No…I haven't," Len replied stepping into the lift as it arrived. He tried to shut Rin's babbling out while he talked with Aiko. "What happened?"

_"I don't know. His parents don't either. He just upped and vanished. They didn't hear from him at lunch time, and he didn't meet up with Hibiki like they planned. Hibiki tired calling him several times but didn't answer. Ryu and Katsurou are checking all the usual spots, but they still haven't found him!"_

Len felt sick. What the hell was going on?! He was about to tell Gakupo he had to go when the lift doors open and something caught his eye. He paled, then calmly told Aiko, "I know where he is."

_"What?! Where?!"_

Len looked at Gakupo who ushered Rin into his apartment before the two walked over to Len's apartment. Slanted against the door, curled up in a tight ball was Shion-kun.

_"Len!"_

"He's here," Len replied quietly before bending down to Shion-senpai. "He smells like alcohol… where the hell would he have gotten alcohol? He isn't even of legal age to get stuff like that."

_"…Maybe he did go back home. His father has heaps of beer and stuff in the basement…"_

"Aiko-san. Let his parents know he's at my place. I don't think he'll be going anywhere fast."

_"…Len…are you sure?"_ Was she asking for his sake or for Shion-senpai's?

"I have Gakupo with me. We'll see what we can do." He hung up on her then looked at Gakupo. "What do you think we should do?"

"I don't know," Gakupo said quietly. "How did he find out where you lived?"

"I told him before the holidays," Len admitted, then looked at Shion-senpai. His face was covered by his knees, so he couldn't tell if he was unconscious or not. "I can't let him in my apartment. I have nowhere for him to rest."

Gakupo sighed, ushered him out the way and picked up Shion-senpai into his arms. "Go open my door. He can crash in my apartment."

* * *

His head hurt like a _bitch_.

He smelt too. He smelt bad. Like puke and alcohol. Definitely alcohol. He recognised to smell when his father drank too much.

Yet, Kaito wasn't sure _why_ he smelt so bad.

Opening his eyes, he squinted at the light. It wasn't particularly bright, though it certainly felt like it. He could hear talking, but they didn't sound like his parents. One voice was too young… almost child-like. The other was more mature, a deep, rather husky voice.

"Shion-senpai?"

That voice, however, was unmistakable. The only question was, why here?

"Shion-senpai?"

Kaito turned his head, looking at Kagamine-kun who'd pulled a chair up, and was sitting rather close. He looked tired and sunburned. Kaito couldn't, however, work out why. "…Where…?" his throat ached when he spoke. Was it from dehydration? Or was it from crying? He'd never heard his voice sound so hoarse before.

"We're at Kamui-san's place. We found you outside my apartment," Kagamine-kun said gently. Kaito didn't lie, he liked how soft spoken Kagamine-kun was. It was almost angelic. _Almost_, but not quite. His voice always hid something, something that bother Kaito greatly. Like there was a huge secret that he couldn't let people in on. Something he'd locked away to keep himself safe.

Kaito wished Kagamine-kun would open up. "…Why…?"

Kagamine-kun smiled. "My apartment isn't clean, so Kamui-san said you could stay here."

Was that so? Did that mean Kamui-senpai lived near Kagamine-kun's place? He'd gathered that they didn't share the place considering his last statement. Kaito tried to sit up, but his stomach gurgled and he flopped back down on the sofa he was resting on. He was sure if he tried to move again, he'd throw up.

"What happened?" Kagamine-kun asked, he voice sweet and young. "Did something bad happen? You can't tell me that nothing bad did happen, otherwise you wouldn't be sobering up after drinking a six-pack."

A six-pack? Was that how much he'd taken from the basement? He hadn't realised until now. "…I don't wanna talk about it…" Kaito managed to choke out. His throat ached. He was about to ask for some water when Kagamine-kun held out a glass to him, as if he'd predicted it. Water had never tasted so good, and slowly, but surely, his throat felt a little better. "Is… that someone else here?"

"Besides Kamui-san and I? Yes, my little sister is here."

Well damn, a little girl had seen him drunk. What kind of impression did that leave? "…I'm sorry…"

"It's ok," Kagamine-kun replied, smiling softly. "Do you wanna sit up and try and eat something?"

He wasn't sure he could. His stomach jumped at the thought, so he shook his head and settled down.

"If you want something to eat, then let me know."

* * *

When Kaito woke up the next time, it was already the next morning. He felt better, but to what Kamui-senpai said, Kagamine-kun was at work, and wouldn't be back until late. He spent time with Kagamine-chan, getting to know the little girl that was Kagamine-kun's little sister, but by lunch time, he made the decision he shouldn't remain here and went home.

The conversations that followed with his parents were heated. They clearly didn't understand how he felt. They could never understand how he felt.

* * *

**A/N: :'( Poor Kaito! Five times! In some cases, sereve Osteosarcoma can only be removed via amputation. Unfortantuely for Kaito, he's running out of options. You can read up about if you wanna know more, but here's a brief description:**

**Osteosarcoma** is a type of cancer that produces immature bone. It is the most common type of cancer that arises in bones, and it is usually found at the end of long bones, often around the knee. Most people diagnosed with osteosarcoma are under the age of 25, and it is thought to occur more often in males than females. [source: sarcomahelp]

**This will be the last chapter for a while. I'm running out of material to upload xD I'm working on 17 right now, but I like to be ahead by a few chapters hehe.**


	15. In Theory

**A/N: Finally, the story is slowing heading towards the big reveal! It won't be long before Kaito finds out, but will he be ready to know? How will he take it? And a even bigger question... who else is going to find out... or already know?**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

"You and Aiko are _dating_?! Since _when!_"

Len, Ryunnosuke, Katsurou, Hibiki and Shion-senpai sat around a table near the staff door when Hibiki had announced his grand news. Hibiki had said he wanted to tell them all, so they'd met up at Len's work place during his lunch break. While Len and Ryunnosuke had known of Hibiki's feelings, this was surprising news to him. Clearly Shion-senpai was the most shocked about this sudden development. Len glanced at Ryunnosuke who was the only one who didn't look obviously surprised.

"Well," Hibiki began after taking a bit of cake. "I asked Aiko to see a movie on Saturday, and she said she would go. So we went and saw a movie, had dinner and… well, I asked her out. I didn't think she'd say yes to _that_, but she did. So, we're officially dating." He looked really happy about this, and Len felt a smile on his lips. Hibiki wasn't as stupid as he acted, was in fact rather bright. He was rather sweet, and didn't seem to stop smiling. Since being a part of the group, Len had come to appreciate Hibiki and his happy-go-lucky personality.

"So… you two are a thing," Katsurou asked, still confused. "I always thought Aiko liked Kaito."

"So did I," Hibiki admitted, looking a little sad. "I…"

"Aiko-san said she's moved on," Len said quickly, trying to lighten the mood again. "We talked about some things and it came up. She said Shion-senpai had…"

Shion-senpai nodded. "I turned her down a while back. I don't think of Aiko as anything more than my friend. I personally believe she's liked you for a while now."

"Aiko has a strange way of showing she likes you, then," Katsurou laughed. "She always called you _'Baka-ekey_' after all."

"That doesn't mean anything," Shion-senpai countered. "I really believe she's liked Hibiki for a while."

"So do I," Len agreed.

"I have to agree as well," Ryunnosuke nodded. "If she didn't, she would have turned you down, Hibiki."

"Exactly," Len said. "Aiko-san wouldn't do anything to hurt you, because she really does care."

"You think?" Hibiki said, looking a little more pleased.

"For sure!" Len chirped.

"I'm still trying to work out how I didn't know about this?"

"That's because you're stupid."

There was a lengthy pause between the friends. Len stared at Ryunnosuke who just sat there, drinking his tea in his sophisticated manner, trying to get over what he'd just said. Shion-senpai, however, looked flustered and upset over what was just said. "Ryu… how could you?"

"Ah!" Len panicked, turning to Shion-senpai. "I'm sure Ryunnosuke was kidding!"

"No, I wasn't," Ryunnosuke spoke softly. "I was being serious."

"W-Well! I don't think you're stupid, senpai!" Len choked out, feeling his face heat. Hopefully he didn't make things worse.

"Of course you wouldn't," Ryunnosuke sighed, placing his mug on the table. "You'll naturally defend Kaito-san because you like him."

Hibiki and Katsurou suddenly found the wall to be of most interest. Len, on the other hand, felt his face heat more. "R-Ryu… what are you implying?" Len asked carefully, doing his best _not_ to look at Shion-senpai to see his reaction.

"Whatever do you mean?" Ryunnosuke asked innocently.

"Can you be more… specific?"

Ryunnosuke stared at Len blankly. "Well… you're friends right? You naturally protect those you consider your friend."

He stared at Ryunnosuke. No, Ryunnosuke was lying. His eyes were twinkling with mischievous amusement. Len clenched his hands tightly. Depending on his reaction, he could really mess things up. "…Ok…"

"Of course, that's on your behalf," Ryunnosuke continued. "I'm not so sure about Shion though."

"What do you-?" Len began but stopped with a fright as Shion-senpai slammed his hands on the table. Everyone was silent around the table, waiting, and watching for what Shion-senpai was about to do.

Len had expected him to get angry, instead he turned away and mumbled "I need the toilet" then disappeared out the room.

"Did you need to upset him?" Len turned back to Ryunnosuke who looked rather surprised at the outcome.

"I honestly was just pulling his leg," Ryunnosuke replied. "I didn't mean any offense."

"Wait a minute!" Katsurou said, scratching his cheek. "Are you implying something we don't know?"

"I think he was," Hibiki replied. "Is Kaito gay?"

Len felt dumbstruck at Hibiki's question. Was Shion- "Yes, Kaito is homosexual," Ryunnosuke replied calmly. "It hasn't occurred to you that he is?"

"Well…" Katsurou began. "He does have a habit of flirting with guys. But he flirts with girls too… plus flirting with people doesn't decided ones sexual preferences… right?"

"No," Hibiki nodded. "I flirt with Kaito all the time, but I don't like him _that_ way."

"Wait… you _flirt_ with him?" Katsurou asked. "Since when?"

"How do you think we became friends?" Hibiki looked at him with a confused look. "He tired picking me up, _literally_ picking me up. He lifted me off the ground because I was standing in the way. The next thing he said was 'get out of the way fool, you're holding people up because there's some good looking idiot in the road.' He was grinning madly when he said it too."

"I don't know if that counts as flirting," Len replied weakly. "I just think he was being cheeky."

"You think?"

Katsurou planted his face in his hands with a sigh. "There's a reason why you get called _baka-ekey_, Hibiki. You're not very bright."

"Hey!"

"Can we get back on topic," Katsurou ignored Hibiki's protesting. "Is Kaito honest-to-heart gay, or are we just assuming he is?"

"Would that change your opinion of him?"

"Why would it," Katsurou replied to Ryunnosuke's question. "I'm bisexual, why would it worry me?"

"…Katsurou… you're bi?" Len asked.

"Yep, I had a boyfriend in middle school. He was fantastic, but we went our own ways. I also had a girlfriend last year, but we broke up due to_mutual_ differences, or at least that's what she claimed."

Len felt he'd learnt something new about Katsurou. Something he didn't expect. "Wow," Hibiki said. "I'm straight as an arrow, thank you very much. Not that I have anything against gay people or the likes. I mean, good on them for going for what they want, as long as it doesn't involve me."

"Yet you flirt with Kaito," Katsurou pointed out. "Doesn't that involve you?"

"I don't hate Kaito for it," Hibiki replied. "I know he's kidding. He doesn't like me that way. Though I believe he likes Len, but that's just a theory."

"Wait… what?" Len asked, feeling as if he'd been struck. "Shion-senpai… likes me?"

"Theory!" Hibiki exclaimed. "Just a theory!"

"I think Len likes Kaito," Katsurou added. "I mean, come on, you're so formal with him, but not with the rest of us. It kinda stands out as something."

"Len is being respectful to his _senpai_," Ryunnosuke pointed out. "He is formal with Kamui-senpai too, does that mean he likes him?"

"Alright," Katsurou shrugged. "Then, if Len doesn't, that means I have a chance."

"WAIT! WHAT!" Len shouted, then felt silly. "What do you mean, Katsurou!"

Katsurou gave him a small smile and replied "It means I have a chance, right? After all, if you don't like anyone, which means you're free, and that means I have a shot of winning your heart."

"I-I do like someone!" Len said quickly but regretted the moment it came out. There was surprise on everyone's face, but it was the voice that followed that really, _really_ made Len regret it.

"HOW COULD YOU LEN! I WAS SUPPOSE TO BE YOUR WIFE!"

He was pulled into a tight hug as Miku appeared out of nowhere, sobbing. "M-Miku-san! Y-You're choking me!"

"I WAS MEANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE!"

"Shut it," Ryunnosuke said angrily. "You're disturbing the customers."

"Shut up, Baka-Ryu!" Miku snapped back. "Your face is disturbing the customers."

"Stop it!" Len shouted. "You're both are being so immature!" Len wiggled out of Miku's hold. "Miku, why are you here?"

"I came to see you," Miku sulked. "I missed you."

"Miku-san…"

"Is… it ok if I sit with you… even for a little while?"

"Pull up a chair," Len replied softly, watching Miku light up again. She grabbed the nearest chair and sat next to Len and where Shion-senpai was meant to be. He hadn't come back yet.

"Y-You're Hatsune Miku!" Hibiki choked. "The Hatsune Miku!"

Miku smiled delicately at him. "Yes, I am. The one and only Hatsune Miku."

"W-Whoa! That's amazing!"

"Not really," Miku joked. "Megpoid is far superior to me."

"N-No way!" Hibiki blurted out, shaking his head. "I adore your work!"

Len watched their exchange, feeling a little sad that Miku was denying how wonderful she was. Even if she felt she wasn't a great idol, she was a sweet, gentle person who'd been there for him when no one else was. Without her and Ryunnosuke… he doubt he would have been here, surrounded by people and making friends. They'd given him the confidence he'd never had before. For that he was grateful. "Anyways," Miku interrupted his train of thought. "What were we talking about as I came in?"

"We're trying to work out if our friend is gay or not," Katsurou explained, shrugging a little. "And whether Len was as well."

Miku snorted out a laugh. "Well, I don't know about your friend, but if Len was gay, then he'd be ten times more fabulous!" She joked, poking at him. "I kid, Len. If Len was gay, I'm sure he would tell his friends. After all, the people around him need to know things like that; no matter how hard it is to talk about them."

Something flickered in her eyes, and she'd glanced briefly at Ryunnosuke as if something was passed between them. Something they knew, but Len didn't. He felt dumbfounded for a moment, and completely missed what Hibiki said.

"Not really," Miku replied to whatever Hibiki had asked. "Things like sexuality is hard to talk about. What if you've got friends who was_homophobic_; you wouldn't go around telling them if you're homosexual. It's like being in the idol industry, we're not allowed to date who we want without permission of the boss. Hell, if we come out as homosexual, we'll be kicked from the industry. Then again, the idol industry is just full of homophobic people anyways," Miku finished with a shrug.

"Hatsune-san, are you-"

"It's Miku. Len's friends are my friends," she cut off Katsurou. "Hatsune-san is way to formal."

"Miku-san… are you suggesting that you're… homosexual?"

Miku grinned brightly. "Well, calling me a lesbian would be offensive since I like guys as well. However," she looked at Ryunnosuke and Len with a small smile, "I actually really like my senpai at my school. Whether it's love or not, I can't help but admire her. Gumi-chan introduced her to me, and she's amazing. She's not famous, but her mother's a doctor. She's so elegant, dresses like a lady. She's never rude, doesn't back chat. She's just… amazing."

"You admire her?"

"For sure!" Miku admitted brightly. "She's everything I want to be. So lady-like."

"What's her name?" Len asked, interested in knowing.

"Her name is Sakine Meiko!"

"…Meiko…san…?"

Len hadn't expected to hear that voice and found himself and the rest of the group turn around to see Shion-senpai who'd returned from the bathroom. He looked… Len bit his lip. Something felt wrong. "You know Meiko-senpai!" Miku squeaked, smiling at Shion-senpai. "She's amazing, beautiful and-"

"Two-faced."

Miku looked at Shion-senpai who looked back with a dark look. "Pardon?"

"She's a two-faced lair," Shion-senpai repeated. "There's nothing admirable about her."

"I knew you'd say that."

Shion-senpai's face pale as he turned to face someone who'd stepped up to the table.

* * *

**A/N: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! What is going on?! I'm not sure is "Sakine" is supposed to be Meiko's name; I can't seem to find any information anywhere about it :/ If any of you know what her surname is meant to be, that would be greatly appreciated if you could let me know =D **


	16. Meiko and Kaito

**A/N: Who is our secret guest? What's gonna happen? BTW: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Can't believe 2014 is just about over... BRING ON 2015!**

**ALSO! To RinRinSingal; Thank you so much for your review on both this story and On The Dark Side of the Moon. I'm really glad you're enjoying this, and enjoyed my previous story. I was really moved by your review that I've gone back and re-read it myself. It was like reading a whole new fanfiction, even though _I_ wrote it xD I like the mention of Vic Mignogna, he's a pretty amazing english voice actor xDD And Katsurou isn't based on Haru from Free... I've never even watched Free though I hear its good xD I hope you enjoy what's to come :D**

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

Whoever she was, she was _beautiful_. Tall, slender with a noticeably large chest. Her hair was a gentle red colour, and was tied back in a plat, with blue laced threaded through. She was wearing a beautiful green dress that hinted at the curves in her body, but revealed nothing, leaving the mind to wonder what was underneath. She was _beautiful_, there was no other way Len could describe her.

However, Shion-senpai looked repulsed the moment he laid his eyes on her. Suddenly, Len felt like the teen standing by their table wasn't their friend, but a stranger with a grudge. "It's been a while, Kai-kun," the woman spoke delicately, her voice small and sweet. "I see you are doing well."

"And you," Shion-senpai replied stiffly. "Why are you here?"

"I came to pick up Mi-chan," she indicated to Miku who sat beside Len. "Mi-chan, Gumi-chan and I were going shopping today, which I feel she forgot about."

"I didn't forget!" Miku wailed. "I wanted to see Len!"

The woman smiled at Miku fondly. "He is a friend you truly value," she commented before looking back at Shion-senpai. "My mother told me… you are still being stubborn."

"It's none of your business," Shion-senpai snapped back. "Remember, you brought this upon yourself."

"Did I?" She didn't sound angry, but there was something dark in her voice. "You just can't admit the truth. Do your friends know? Have you been lying to them all this time?"

"They know I had cancer."

"Had? You still _have_ cancer. For the fifth time already."

"What!" Hibiki cried out. "It came back!"

"So, you haven't told them," She commented. "You claim I'm two-faced, yet you don't even tell your friends what's going on." She looked towards the group. "Do you know what type of cancer Kai-kun has?"

"Meiko, don't do this," Shion-senpai spoke angrily. "I was going to tell them!"

"When?" She snapped angrily. "When _were_ you going to tell them? When you're being lowered in the grave!"

"How dare you!" Shion-senpai yelled. "This is exactly_ why_ I hate you. You've never once considered my feelings!"

"You're going to _die_ the longer you put it off. I told you, once you've lost your legs, you'll not rem-"

"SHUT UP!"

Everyone was silent. Len hadn't realised he'd spoke up, or stood up… or slammed his hands on the table until he felt the throbbing in his palms. Everyone was watching him, everyone at the table… and in the café. His explosion had caused a ruckus… but he couldn't stand this.

"You don't understand!" Len turned to her, his eyes teary. "Would you tell a boy whose mother _castrated_ him that he would 'forget what it felt like to have a penis'?! You wouldn't! You can't turn around and say things like that! Yes, Kaito's cancer is bad, it effects his legs but telling him he'd forget what it was like to walk, to run… to stand on his own two feet isn't fair on him! It isn't fair at all!"

"Len…" Shion-senpai whispered, looking a little shocked. So did everyone else.

"If you truly care for Kaito, you'd be supporting the decisions he makes. You'd be beside him through the hard times, encourage him and just be there for him. Whether what you said is true or not, it is something you're selfishly saying because it's what _you_ want. If he was crippled, then he'd need someone to take care of him, and you want to be that person. If it's really bad, and yes, he loses his legs, you're the last person he'd want to take care of him. You've betrayed his feelings, you don't deserve any involvement in his life. That's what his _friends_ are for. Regardless of what the facts are, we still want his happiness. If his happiness is the ability to walk on his own two feet, then that's what we want too! We don't wish for his legs to be taken away from him. It would make him sad. It would make me sad. I don't want senpai to be sad, because he's been sad for a long time now!"

He wasn't sure when he started crying. He wasn't sure when Hibiki stood up and pulled him into a hug. He wasn't sure when Miku ushered Meiko out the café. He just cried. He needed to cry, because Shion-senpai refused to cry. So he'd cry for him.

* * *

Kaito watched Hibiki and Len disappear out the back, feeling bad for letting Len get that upset over the situation. He was glad it was Hibiki that had gone with him. Hibiki was a sympathetic guy, understanding and gentle. He was the best person for Len to be with. He turned to Katsurou and Ryunnosuke who'd been quiet the whole time. "It's osteosarcoma," he said suddenly, surprising the boys. "That's what I have. It effects children and young adults mostly."

"It's a bone cancer," Ryunnosuke said softly. "That was why you collapsed that time when you challenged those boys. It was your legs this whole time."

"Yes," Kaito admitted. "Len knows because that day I disappeared after the hospital… I ended up at his place. I was drunk and babbled in my sleep. That's how he found out."

"Kaito…"

"I was going to talk about it… today because I didn't want Len to keep it a secret but…"

"But we started on conversations that made you embarrassed, and made you bolt," Ryunnosuke finished. "There is no one to blame for this, Kaito. You had the best interests… it was just a pity it had to turn out like this."

"But Len is right," Katsurou continued, looking his squared in the eye. "We want you to be happy, and we will support your decision."

"Thank you, both of you."

Ryunnosuke nodded. "If something does go wrong, do not be afraid to tell us. We want to help you."

"I know… it's just a hard thing to talk about. It makes me sound… frail."

"And? There's no shame of being frail," Katsurou replied hotly. "So what if you have a disability or a illness. You are Shion Kaito! You've been a compassionate and strong person. You brought out Len from his shell. You made a group of unlikely people become the best of friends. You've brought us together! We're proud of you, fighting the way you have yet still doing the things you love!"

"Besides," Ryunnosuke added. "There is nothing like the present. If we do consider the chances of you losing your legs, then why do we do things that will give you the best memories?"

"Like camping or travelling!" Katsurou cheered.

"You'd do that?"

"Of course," Ryunnosuke smiled. "Len said exactly what we feel. Your happiness is our happiness. The present is now, let's make the most of it!"

Just as they begun making plans, Hibiki came back out the back and took a seat at the table. Kaito told him what he'd told Ryunnosuke only to be surprised by his reply. "I know. Len told me while we were out back. He wants a couple of minutes to sort himself out, then he has to return to work. He said we can head off without him, since he'll still be here until this afternoon."

"We could stay here," Ryunnosuke said. "I have nothing better to do."

"Same," Katsurou grinned. "Len needs us! We'll stay here so he knows we're here to support!"

"Besides… we need to break the news we have summer swim class next week." Ryunnosuke chuckled.

"He… didn't know?"

"Nope, I forgot to tell him," Hibiki admitted. "Whoops…"

* * *

**A/N: Swimming next week? Sounds fun... or not :/ (foreshadowing, ooooooooooo) xD Anyways, a special update for Christmas. I only have the next chapter written then I've got nothing left to upload... haven't had much time to do some writing. The next chapter will be up in time for New Years, however; so look forward to it :D**


	17. Kobayashi Hibiki

**A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Sorry this chapter is a little late, but nevertheless, it's here. The first part is kinda... lame hahaha**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

Hibiki watched Kagamine-chan who'd sat down on the bench but hadn't begun changing like the rest of them. He'd wondered why Kagamine-chan was so cautious about his body considering how close they'd gotten. Instead, he seemed almost embarrassed to look at them who were stripping off their clothes and flaunting their stuff. Katsurou looked at him and grumbled "why are you so big!" much to Hibiki's surprise.

"Katsu!" Hibiki whacked him as he noticed Kagamine-chan blushed more. "Stop saying that."

"You're huge!"

"It's a penis!" Ryunnosuke grumbled. "Get over it."

"Hibiki's penis is _huge_!"

There were chuckles from the row behind them, with Hibiki ignored. "It's normal sized!" Hibiki snapped back. "Can we stop this, it's embarrassing me!" and Kagamine-chan. Definitely Kagamine-chan.

"I bet if Aiko said that, you'd be cheering." Katsurou grumbled.

"Aiko hasn't _seen_ it!"

"What, you haven't-"

"LA LA LA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Hibiki cried.

"Katsurou, shut it," Kaito chuckled as he pulled on his bathes. "You're penis is just as fabulous."

"Why thank you," Katsurou laughed.

They were completely covered now, and Hibiki turned to Kagamine-chan. "We'll meet you outside, right?"

Kagamine-chan nodded. "Yes, I'll be out in a minute."

* * *

Ten minutes had passed… Kagamine-chan hadn't come out the change rooms. Hibiki watched the tension in Ryunnosuke's shoulders grow, stiffening with every passing minute. Kaito had begun to pace, and Katsurou hadn't stopped watching the door.

But Kagamine-chan _didn't_ come out.

"Ten minutes," Katsurou said. "It doesn't take someone _ten minutes_ to change. Something is wrong."

Hibiki nodded then looked at them. "I'm going to check up on him. If the teacher asks, I'm…"

Ryunnosuke just nodded, not needing Hibiki to make up an explanation for them. After Hibiki got agreement from everyone, he rushed off back to the change rooms. The last time they'd gotten involved in something, Kagamine-chan had had a huge panic attack and fainted. It had been a very scary situation for all of them, especially for Kaito who'd managed to grab him as he fainted.

Some part of him wondered whether he should go get Aiko. She's gotten very close to Kagamine-chan over the past few months, and couldn't help but feel Kagamine-chan somehow trusted Aiko. It was like Kagamine-chan was hiding a huge secret that Aiko somehow knew. It made him sad that neither of them trusted him enough to talk about it. To talk about it with any of them. However, Hibiki wouldn't pry. It wasn't his place, wasn't any of their business. If Kagamine-chan wanted to talk about it, he would. Hibiki knew he would.

Hibiki pushed open the door to the change room only to be greeted by a wave of steam. It was incredibly hard to see, but Hibiki couldn't think why the room was like this. It only got like this when they all showered at the same…

His ears caught the sound before the thought finished. Gushing water filled the room with a thunderous sound, which answered his question. Every shower in the change rooms was on. That was the only explanation he had for this. Shutting the door behind him, he walked through the change room, searching down each locker lane for Kagamine-chan. They'd always gone to the far end of the change rooms, since it was where Kagamine-chan had chosen on the first day.

Hibiki found no one near the lockers. Kagamine-chan's bag was still on the bench, but a whole bunch of things had been spilt from the bag. Clothes lying on the damp floor, a towel still hung over the bench. Instead of prying, he followed it down to the lanes showers. Sure enough, every shower was on. Hibiki reached into the first shower. The minute his hands touched the water, he yelped and pulled it out. The water was boiling hot. Leaving it alone, he followed the way down to the far end; with each step he took, the more he could hear sobbing from under the sound of the showers.

When he reached the far end, he found Kagamine-chan curled up under the shower, his face hidden in his knees. He was completely naked, and red raw. The shower was way too hot, so Hibiki reached in and gently turned the cold on. As he did, he saw Kagamine-chan flinch, but he didn't look up to see who was intruding. Once satisfied with the temperature, Hibiki knelt down in front of him, gently reaching out. "Kagamine-chan?"

Kagamine-chan flinched again, and began to sob harder. "Hi-Hibiki-san."

"Yeah, it's me," Hibiki said softly. "Kagamine-chan, what's wrong? What happened?"

There was a whole lot of sniffling, but no talking. So Hibiki waited for Kagamine-chan to say something, _anything_ that could help him sort this out. He didn't want to make judgements, didn't want to force Kagamine-chan to talk if the boy didn't want to speak. While knowing what happened would make things easier, he knew Kagamine-chan was sensitive; therefore, he wouldn't force it out of him.

It felt like an eternity before Kagamine-chan shifted. The movement wasn't huge, but it was enough to catch a glimpse of something he'd never noticed before. Hibiki felt stunned for a moment, not sure on what he'd just seen. Before he had a chance to ask, Kagamine-chan sprang at him, wrapping his arm around Hibiki and began to sob harder.

Stiffly, Hibiki ran a hand through his hair, trying to work it out yet give Kagamine-chan the comfort he needed. Was this what Aiko was hiding from them all? All this time Kagamine-chan was…

A sudden wave of anger flooded him. He slowly pulled Kagamine-chan back, looking him in the eye. "What happened, Len?" he asked, trying to be calm.

Kagamine-chan sniffled, slowly calming down. "My…my bathes…someone replaced them with…"

Kagamine-chan didn't need to finish. He could guess what he was going to say.

"Ai…Aiko-san brought them…brought them for me."

Another reason it had upset him. They had some importance to Kagamine-chan. It had been the first time he'd been able to open up about this; they were important. "Len, bathes can be replaced," Hibiki replied. "What can't be replaced is you. Don't give the guys who did this the pleasure of seeing you like this. Let's get you dressed and out of here. I'll tell the teacher you were sick, they'll understand."

"But…"

"Len, listen to me. Aiko, Kaito, Ryu and everyone will get stressed out if they see you like this; and not only that, but the guys who did this will see what it did to you."

"I…don't know who did this."

"Oh, I can guess who it was," Hibiki replied with distaste. It smelt like _them_. Three guys from last year had come to their high school. They had been known troublemakers, always upsetting people, pulling awful prank like this. It smelt like them for sure. "Come on, I'll work things out. Aiko and I will look for your bathes later, but you need to get home and sort yourself out."

"O…ok…"

They worked quietly. Kagamine-chan's clothes were a little damp from being discarded on the floor, but he didn't complain about it. Hibiki placed the bathes that had been swapped with Kagamine-chan's beside his bag, so Kagamine-chan didn't need to look at them again. Once dressed, Hibiki led him to the door that would let him leave without anyone notice.

"Hi..Hibiki-san?"

"Yeah?"

"…Don't tell anyone…about…"

Hibiki nodded. "I won't… but I think you owe it to the others to explain this. If not now, sometime soon. Don't let them find out how I did, be the one to tell them the truth."

"…I'm scared to…talk about it…"

"I know," Hibiki smiled sadly. "But they want to help you. They can't if they don't understand the situation. You don't have to tell the world, but I think your friends deserve to know."

Kagamine-chan thought about it for a moment, nodded then left, leaving Hibiki alone. He walked back to the bathes, picked them up and slowly approached the door. With every step he took, he saw red.

* * *

**A/N: Hibiki now knows D: What's gonna happen? I guess you'll have to wait for that since I'm going on a brief Hiatus in order to catch up on chapters and other things going on in my life :D Also, the first and last time you see Hibiki's surname: Kobayashi which means Small Forest :D**


	18. Uncertainty

**a/n: Welcome to Chapter Eighteen. I wasn't going to upload this yet since this is the last chapter I've written, but I felt I needed to. I've got a lot going on at the moment; both good and bad things, so my writing time is rather limited. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. A little longer than most have been recently :D**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

"You _fucking_ idiot!"

Kaito winced, though nothing changed on Hibiki's face. Aiko was standing over him, lecturing her boyfriend of the idiocy of his actions. Everything happened so quickly that Kaito was still trying to work out what happened. Hibiki stepped out the change rooms, _alone_, holding a piece of cloth in his hands. He'd looked angry, yet ready to cry in the same instance. He'd walked slowly towards the pool, every step appeared heavy and hard. He'd walked right past them, kept walking towards the pool. Then, everything was a blur. He'd screamed something at some boys, something horrible then charged at them. It took four teachers to pry him off the boy he'd attack. Hibiki fought, fought damn hard to continue his attack. Everything he said was confusing and horrible, but something that stood out in his mind, something Kaito could vividly remember Hibiki was saying was: _"I'll fucking kill you."_

"You could have _killed_ him!"

Hibiki didn't say anything.

"What caused you to do that, anyways?!"

Hibiki looked at Aiko for the first time since they'd arrived in the staff room, his eyes red and angry. "You have no idea what those guys did."

"How would I know if no one tells me what they did?!"

"Didn't you see what was in my hands? The bastards swapped Len's bathes for _that_. They insulted him!"

Kaito winced again. So that was what happened. "Bathes can be replaced."

"I told myself the same damn thing! Didn't change the situation! They pick on anyone who is an easy target! I'd seen so many guys distressed over what happened. One guy from my school, _my best fucking mate,_ killed himself because of what they did! AND YOU'RE ASKING ME TO CALM DOWN AND APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT I DID?! YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME!"

Aiko stepped back, a little shocked. Happy-go-lucky Hibiki was mad beyond words. "Hibiki… I…didn't know…"

"I know," Hibiki said after taking a deep breath. "I… never talked about it. I never talked about Daisuke… it's hard, you know. One day your friends there, seemingly fine and telling you he's ok; then the next day you're told he hung himself… it wasn't easy."

"Hibiki… I'm sorry."

Hibiki laughed bitterly, looking ready to cry again. "I… didn't want Kagamine-chan to do the same thing, you know. I didn't want to lose another friend."

"Kaito… can you give us a minute"

Kaito nodded, even though Aiko could see him as she wrapped her arms around Hibiki's neck to comfort him. With no other choice, he left the room. He knew Hibiki was going to be in a lot of trouble, so he at least owned it to Kagamine-kun about what happened after he left.

* * *

There was a knock on the door that scared Len a little. He'd not been expecting anyone to turn up today, so he was worried who it might be. He glanced at Rin who was colouring on the floor. The knock came again, this time making Rin look at the door, then at him. "Nii-san?"

"I've got it," Len said, placing his book on the couch and getting up to answer the door. He left the chain locked, so the door only opened up enough to see who it was. Who it was surprised Len.

"Can… I come in?" Shion-senpai asked, a little nervous. "It won't take long."

Len closed the door, unhooked the chain and reopened it, letting Shion-senpai in. "What… happened?"

"It's about Hibiki," Shion-senpai said, looking around the apartment then looking at Len. "He's been suspended as of the first week back. It sounds like it's going to be about two weeks long."

Len stared at Shion-senpai, shocked of this. "Why has he been suspended?! What did he do?"

"He tried to strangle the guy who hurt you," Shion-senpai sighed. "I don't think he was in the right frame of mind, you know." He looked around again, then said nervously. "Can I… sit down?"

"Oh! Yes, you can," Len said, moving over to grab his book. "Sorry, I should have said something earlier."

"No… it's fine." Shion-senpai gave him a wary smile that didn't last long. "Are you ok? Hibiki didn't really… explain what happened."

Len crossed his arm over his chest, not sure what to say before he looked at Rin. "Rin, do you wanna go see Gakupo? Nii-chan needs… a moment."

"Can I take my picture?"

"Yeah," Len smiled at her. She got up and left, and only when he heard the door at the other end of the hallway did he turn back to Shion-senpai. "It's… hard to explain," Len said, sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. "I found… a pair of ladies bathes in my bag. I couldn't find mine and it… upset… a lot."

"I can imagine," Shion-senpai replied. "Then Hibiki found you?"

"Yeah. He helped me out and got be away from the change rooms. I got home and couldn't find the bathes that had replaced mine… what happened to them?"

"Hibiki had them," Shion-senpai spoke in a quiet voice. "What happened with Hibiki wasn't just related to you. From what he said, the guys who did this to you… led his best mate to his death."

Hibiki was carrying scars that none of them knew of. What kind of pain had he'd endured? One day his best friend was there and then… he was gone. The thought was painful, and he felt guilty that at one stage of his life, he'd too considered suicide as a way out. "…Do you think Hibiki would want to see me after… this?"

"I think he'd be glad to know how you're holding up," Shion-senpai replied. "If you like… I can take you to see him at his place Sunday?"

"Would you?"

"I'll be here at ten then."

* * *

Len followed Shion-senpai Sunday morning to a rather rundown looking apartment complex. It was just ten thirty, yet the place seemed empty of any life. There were cars lined up in its puny car park, and while some looked like they'd never been driven, he noticed a few slightly nicer looking cars. The building looked ready to fall down, yet someone seemed to have been taking special care of the small garden out front.

Maybe Shion-senpai had guessed what Len was thinking because he spoke up. "The owner is a little old lady," Shion-senpai explained as he led Len to the stairs. "She's about eighty I believe, and can't do very much. Her husband passed away five years ago. He used to take care of this place, but since his passing, it's gotten like this. Unfortunately, she can't afford to have the place renovated, so the residents have to keep track on anything that needs replacing. The men living here, including Hibiki, help out with anything that needs fixing, while the women tend to the small garden and help support the owner when she needs it. They're a pretty close community this lot. The downstairs apartments are bigger, having an extra room for sleeping in; upstairs, however, are only small enough for one, maybe two people to live in. Hibiki's place is pretty small."

"That's ok, it's probably as big as I was living in before I got my apartment," Len smiled weakly. "My… mother was into drugs, so we couldn't afford a nice place. Believe it or not, this place is a lot better than what we were living in."

Shion-senpai nodded, leading Len down to the last door on the left. He knocked once, waited, and then knocked again. It wasn't Hibiki who answered the door however.

"What are you two doing here?" Aiko-san said as she opened the door right up. She looked like she'd rolled out bed, her hair all over the place. This was the first time Len had ever seen her so… disordered. She was even still in her pa… no, they weren't her pyjamas Len realised. They were too big, hanging off her smaller frame. If they'd been any bigger… well they wouldn't be covering her breasts. Len also noticed the lack of pants. Len could feel his face heating up. It wasn't like he'd not seen her _naked_, but this was still awkward.

"Am I… disturbing something?" Shion-senpai asked, appearing amused.

"Huh?"

"When was the last time you looked in the mirror?"

Aiko looked down at herself, then shrugged it off. She stepped aside to let them in. "Hibiki is in the shower, he won't be long," she said, ignoring Shion-senpai's question. "I was gonna make breakfast, do you two want anything?" She asked as she shut the door behind them, turning around to face them.

"No thank you," Len replied as Shion-senpai said; "Nah, we made pancakes with Rin-chan this morning."

"Pancakes? Yum!" Aiko-san beamed. "Go have a seat at the table, I'll at least make you both something to drink."

Shion-senpai wasn't kidding about how small Hibiki's place was, but then again, he used to live in a place just as small. Stepping into the main area, Len noticed the bed in one corner was in disarray, but the futon that also had been used had neatly been rolled up and placed by the TV at the other end. The table had been set up for two, but with some rearranging, she set it up for the four of them. "We're fine for food," Shion-senpai said when he noticed what she was doing.

"You can have something to nibble on. Hibiki would feel awkward if you two weren't eating."

"Why is Hibiki having a shower?" Shion-senpai asked as they sat down.

"He… didn't sleep well; about four o'clock this morning he gave up and went for a run. He didn't get back until half an hour ago. I've been staying here the last couple night because I'm worried. He hasn't really been in the right frame of mind since…" Aiko-san's voice trailed off. "He took it too personally, but considering the circumstances, he probably couldn't help."

"His friend," Len whispered, clutching his hands.

"Kaito told you?" Aiko-san didn't appear surprised as she returned the kitchen and began preparing breakfast. "It surprised me… we sat and talked about it for several hours. He told me that you reminded him of Daisuke. Shy and withdrawn. Daisuke apparently always had trouble making friends, so Hibiki was possibly his only one." Aiko-san sighed sadly.

"To think… Hibiki-san was holding so much back," Len replied, leaning back against the bed. "You'd never think that, since he seemed so laid back."

"He's had it rough, that's for sure," Shion-senpai agreed. "To think, he'd lost his father first… then his best mate. That'd hurt someone rather deeply."

Just as Shion-senpai finished speaking, they heard the shower jut to a close and a door open a moment later. "Ai, is someone here?" They heard Hibiki call out.

"Kaito and Len are."

"…Could you get me a change of clothes…? I didn't bring anything in when I got in the shower."

Aiko-san stopped what she was doing to grab something for Hibiki to wear before disappearing into the bathroom. "How could you forget to get anything?"

"I didn't say _forget_, I said I didn't bring anything in with me."

Aiko-san made a remark that Len didn't catch before she went back to finishing breakfast. A few minutes later, Hibiki made an appearance. He looked tired. "Yo," Shion-senpai said in greeting, smiling at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, now," Hibiki grinned despite his exhausted look. "Nothing like a shower in the morning to help sore muscles," he added as he sat down at the table. "I wasn't expecting you two, so what brought you here."

"I-I wanted to thank you," Len said quickly, feeling a little silly once he realised he'd squeaked it out. Hibiki just grinned.

"It's cool; I'd been meaning to give those guys a piece of my mind eventually," was is answer before he began to look around the room. He grabbed something nearby and handed it over the table. "…Aiko and I looked for them. We found them discarded near the gym… I took them to the dry cleaners so they look particularly brand new!"

Len took the paper bag and opened it, feeling his eyes water. "H-How much do I own you for the cleaners?"

"Huh? I don't need anything," Hibiki replied, a little startled. "It's fine, really. Aiko and I went half on it anyways. Besides, it wasn't _that_ expensive."

"But-"

"No buts," Hibiki laughed. "Seriously, it's fine Len. Really, you don't need to worry about it."

Len clutched the paper bag tightly. "Thank you Hibiki-san… Aiko-san."

"Woah, formalities," Hibiki looked embarrassed. "It's just Hibiki, that's it."

Len smiled tearfully. "Thank you, Hibiki."

"You're welcome!"

* * *

Kagamine-kun went with Aiko to get something at the shops, leaving Kaito and Hibiki back at the apartment. He watched Hibiki who rattled on about things that went through one ear and out the other. It wasn't that he wasn't interested, his mind was just racing. Once Hibiki went quiet, Kaito knew he was able to speak up. "Do you… have any idea what Len's hiding?"

Hibiki looked a little confused at the question. "What do you mean, Kai?"

Scratching his cheek, he tried to find the best way to word it. "There's been something bothering me since the confrontation with Meiko the other day."

"Speak your mind."

"Len said something about castration-" Kaito saw Hibiki's hands clench and unclench "-when he was yelling at Meiko… I can't help but feel bothered about it."

"I just think he was making a statement," Hibiki replied stiffly, convincing Kaito he _knew_ something. "Have you asked him?"

"Ask him what?"

"Whatever you're thinking about," Hibiki replied. "You think the reason why Len hides his body is because of something along those lines, right?"

"Well, his parents were abusive, right? Particularly his mother; it just… doesn't sit right with me."

"Then ask him."

"You can't just ask someone if they were _castrated_, Hibiki."

Hibiki watched Kaito for a moment then shrugged. "I don't know what I can tell you, Kaito. We all have our secrets, including Len. For all you know, you're overthinking it. I think you're overthinking it anyways. Besides, Len has to be the one to tell you things that involve him. Wouldn't that sit better with you, hearing it from Len and not from a third party? I would, at least."

"It's just frustrating. It's like you and Aiko know something I don't know. Hell, it feels like Ryu is hiding something. Didn't you see the glance between Miku-san and him that day? Something unspoken, but something they were aware of."

"Kaito," Hibiki sighed softly, shaking his head. "Ask Len. You're going back to his place after this right? Ask him then, before he picks up Rin or Gakupo-san is in the picture. I think he'll be willing to tell you since he knows about… you know," Hibiki pulled a face.

Yeah, he knew Hibiki was talking about his legs. He was just glad Hibiki didn't bring it up directly though. He didn't want to be reminded. Sighing, Kaito leaned back against the bed. "…I'm scared to."

"I don't blame you," Hibiki agreed. "…You like Len… don't you? In a _love like_ manner, right?"

Kaito didn't say anything, but it was clear to both of them the truth.

Yes, Kaito had fallen in love with Kagamine Len; and that was why the next question he was going to ask Len was going to kill him deep down.

Some part of him just didn't want to know the truth.

* * *

**a/n: Next time; Kaito asks the hard question. Will Len tell him the truth? Who knows :) Also, it must be hard for Hibiki; he probably feels responsible for his friends death :'( It's ok, Hibiki; it's not your fault!**

**Also, RinRinSignal, I haven't published anything yet, but I am writing a novel. It's a fantasy novel based in a alternative Earth :D Hope that answers your question :D**


	19. Desperation

**A/N: Short chapter, but one I think you'll all like ;) I'm currently busy doing some training for work. Let's hope I get a job from this! *EXCITED***

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen**

Kaito watched Kagamine-kun's back as he walked on ahead. Neither had said a word, not because they we're arguing or anything; he just didn't _know_ what to say. What was he going to say? How was he going to approach this topic? Clenching his arm tightly, Kaito peeled his eyes away and stared at the world that passed him by with each step. The lights were slowly flickering to life and the sun begun to set behind the houses. The sky was lit up in a beautiful orange colour that slowly smudged into the dimming blue sky.

"I'm glad Hibiki is feeling better," Kagamine-kun suddenly said, startling Kaito a little.

"I guess…"

He couldn't see Kagamine-kun's face so he didn't know how he reacted. Kaito glanced away again, sighed and stopped walking.

"Len…?"

Kagamine-kun stopped and turned around to face him, a questioning look on his face. He looked cute with a puzzled look. "What's wrong, Shion-senpai?"

Kaito opened his mouth then changed his mind. Instead he asked: "Why am I to only one you address as _senpai_?"

"Because you are?" Kagamine-kun asked immediately, looking even more confused. "What else would I call you?"

"Kaito?"

Kagamine-kun stared at him blankly for a minute then went bright red. "I-I can't call you…call… I can't call you by your first name! That's disrespectful!"

"It would if I was a stranger… but I'm your friend, right? Why can't you just address me as Kaito?"

"I-I can't!"

Kaito frowned. "Honestly, I feel as if you're putting me at a distances by addressing me as _Shion-senpai_; kind of makes me feel as if you don't trust."

Kagamine-kun looked embarrassed and glanced away, clearly unable to meet his eyes. "I-I suppose I could… try… to call you…" his voice trailed.

"It's pretty easy, want me to teach you?" Kaito asked, trying to lighten the mood. He even grinned.

Kagamine-kun didn't smile back. "…S-Senpai… is something bothering you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because you've been quiet up to now. I have this feeling you were going to ask me something else… what's bothering you?"

Kaito looked away again, crossing his arms defensively. "Nothing's bothering me-" -_except everything. Except for all the secrets you're hiding from me… for all the secrets everyone else is hiding from me when it comes to you. I want to know everything… I don't want to be in the dark anymore._

"Something is," Kagamine-kun pressed. "I know you, Senpai." Kagamine-kun begun to chew his lip nervously. Did he always hold his body like that? Kaito never knew that Kagamine-kun held his body in a way that also told him he wanted nothing to do with Kaito. Defensive, untouchable.

Kaito shrugged, walking forward and past him. "Doesn't matter; come on, it's getting dark and I still have my stuff to get from your place."

"You could just get that tomorrow."

Kaito stopped walking, turned back and looked at Kagamine-kun who hadn't moved an inch, but at least turned around to look at him. "You said it was fine earlier… what changed your mind?"

Kagamine-kun looked away. "…No reason in particular."

_Liar!_ Kaito narrowed his eyes slightly. He'd be treading on dangerous territory if he asked, but he certainly wasn't going to drop this. Not again, not anymore. "You were pressing me about something, so I damn well can press you now. What's the problem with me going back to your place all of a sudden?"

"No reason," Kagamine-kun shrugged. "I didn't say there was a problem."

"You implied it."

"I didn't," Kagamine-kun said, suddenly defensive. He looked like Kaito had offended him in some sort of way; not that Kaito knew what he'd done, exactly… except press him. Fair was fair. If Kagamine-kun was going to press him about things, he could do the same!

"You did! You said I could come by tomorrow. You _implied_ you didn't want me going back to your place."

"I didn't!" Kagamine-kun snapped. "I suggested it. You said it yourself. It's getting dark!"

Well, he did; but that wasn't a good enough of a reason. "The more we dilly-dally around, the darker it will get."

"Well, I wasn't the one who started to argue."

Kaito felt his brow twitch. Since when was Kagamine-kun so snarky. Narrowing his eyes, he turned back around and stomped off.

* * *

Kagamine-kun opened the door to his apartment and let Kaito in first. Neither had said a word to one another, both clearly in a grumpy mood. Kagamine-kun stood near the door, making it clear he wanted Kaito gone _as soon as possible_, though Kaito purposely dawdled. "You know," Kaito began as he searched his bag for his train ticket. "I feel kind of left out."

"Why?"

"Because Hibiki and Aiko seem to know something I don't… and I really, _really_, don't like that!"

"It's nothing," Kagamine-kun said, leaning against the wall beside the front door.

"Nothing?" Kaito snorted. "Oh sure, it's _nothing_. That must be your favourite word to use, because it's always _nothing_?"

"Why the hell are you being an asshole about it?"

Ouch! "I'm not."

"You are; you're being an asshole!" Kagamine-kun snapped out. He looked frustrated, which was exactly how Kaito.

"Ok, do you want to know my problem," Kaito asked, turning to him. "My problem is that I feel like you don't trust me at all. You're putting me at such a great distance yet you're letting everyone else close to you. My problem is what your problem is with me."

"I do trust you."

"No, you _don't_;" Kaito snapped out, feeling hurt. "You don't trust me at all. Not one bit, otherwise you'd let me on this. I thought I was your friend?"

"You are," Kagamine-kun replied. "You are my friend."

"But not one you trust."

"I didn't say that."

"You implied."

"I did not!" Kagamine-kun cried out. "I never implied it. You're just making that up to make yourself like the victim. It's not easy, you know; it's not easy talking about things that affect you on such a personal level."

"You know about my legs."

"By _accident_," Kagamine-kun pointed out. "You said it in your sleep; that's completely different."

"No, it's not," Kaito replied. "It's not different. I told everyone else about it as well."

"After Meiko-san mention it and I had that outcry."

"That wasn't any easier, Len! That was still a difficult thing to do!"

"Why are we even having this conversation," Kagamine-kun threw his hands up, fed up with everything. "All we do is argue!"

"Because you're being _stubborn_! I'm worried about you!" Kaito snapped back. "Of course I'd get angry, I want to protect you!"

"You can't protect me," Kagamine-kun cried out. "This is _my_ problem. Mine and mine alone!"

Was he _serious_ about this? Kaito growled, a deep low growl. It was time. He knew it; it was _time_! "Damn it, Len! I'm in love with you! Of course I'd want to help you!"

Maybe Kagamine-kun hadn't heard it straight away because he opened his mouth to make a remark, stopped, _stared_ as his eyes widened with shock. "W-What?"

"I'm in _love_ with you. I have been for… I don't know, since I first met you. I may have not noticed it until recently, but it's the truth. I am in love with you, Kagamine Len!"

* * *

**A/N: Did anyone notice that last chapter and this chapter Kaito was subconsciously calling Len "Kagamine-_kun_" instead of "Kagamine-_chan_"? Next chapter is gonna be a very long chapter so it will take some time. I am meant to be on hiatus... but I just couldn't resist xDDDDDD**


	20. Confession

**A/N: Guess what everyone, guess what! IT'S HERE! IT'S FINALLY HERE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

"…kun?"

Len stared off in a daze, his mind racing over and over again. It had been several weeks now since Len spoke to Shion-senpai. Not because Len was _avoiding_ him; it was a bit hard to avoid someone who was actually _avoiding_ you by not answering their phone or showing up to school first day back. It was Shion-senpai fault anyways. He was the idiot that blurted out what he did… and while Len admitted he felt warm and fuzzy inside, he was confused to why Shion-senpai was the one to run away. Maybe Len had given the impression that it had upset him, or Shion-senpai didn't mean to actually say that, but regardless… Shion-senpai wasn't here. Len wasn't getting the answers he wanted.

"Kagamine-kun!"

Len jumped, realising the teacher was staring at him. "I'm sorry, sir! I'm here!"

"Are you sure you are?"

There were snickers from the other students. "Yes, I am pretty sure I am here now," Len replied, embarrassed.

"Good, since you were listening to my lecture; I'd like to ask you what page I was asking to be read aloud."

_Geh!_

"Shit, Len. Detention on the first day back?!" Hibiki laughed as they walked from the school grounds together. "I thought I was the only one who got detention on the first day back."

"Sorry," Len mumbled, feeling embarrassed. "But why did you get detention."

Hibiki shrugged. "Apparantly I blew up the science room… again."

"But you never did the first time, why would it be again."

"Your guess is as good as mine," Hibiki grumped out. "I swear sensei has it out for me."

Len gave him a sympathetic smile. Poor Hibiki. "Anyways, do you have any idea where Shion-senpai is? He didn't turn up today."

"Yeah, that's kind of weird for Shion." Hibiki frowned, pulled out his phone and dialled a number. There was a couple minutes of silence then Hibiki hung up. "He's not answering his phone either. Now that is weird."

Len bit his lip. If Shion-senpai was avoiding _him_, why would he ignore calls from Hibiki? "…I think I did something to upset him."

"What do you mean?"

"He told me he loved me."

Hibiki stopped walking. He stood there stunned, as if he was in complete and utter shock. It took him a moment or two to sort himself out. "How is that your fault?"

"Well… I upset him because I wouldn't tell him what you and Aiko-san know. Then he blurted it out and ran away. So… it has to be my fault, right?"

"I don't think-"

"There you two are!" Aiko-san called, racing towards them. "You left without me!"

"Aiko! I thought you were hanging out with friends today?" Hibiki called back as she got closer. "If I'd known I would have waited."

"They had to cancel," Aiko said as she stopped beside Hibiki. "I guess it was my fault for not saying anything. Anyways, what are you two talking about?"

"Shion is dead."

"Hibiki!" Len cried out. "No, we can't reach senpai… and he didn't turn up today."

"Oh! He lost his phone," Aiko said with a smile. "The dimwit misplaced it. Also, he had the doctors today."

"He didn't tell us!" Hibiki cried out! "I thought he was dead for sure!"

"Baka-ekey!" Aiko whacked him over the head, who whined after the action. Then, she looked straight at Len, smiled and said. "Kaito wants to apologize for upsetting you. He would have done it sooner but since he misplaced his phone, he had no other means of contacting you. I suppose he didn't have the guts to tell you in person though."

Staring, Len felt confused. "I thought _I'd_ upset him."

Aiko snorted. "No, he thought he'd upset you. Said you were probably grossed out by what he said and just couldn't face you. Though I have to admit, good on him for saying something."

"I didn't even know he liked me."

Aiko and Hibiki shared a look. "We kinda knew," Hibiki replied. "Sorry."

"Wait, he told you both?"

"No, we guessed it. Besides, Ryunnosuke said he'd mentioned it once when he was asking advice. Well, didn't directly say it, but guessed that was what he meant. Up until this point, it was mere speculation on our behalf. We weren't going to say anything to you in case we were dead wrong. Though," Aiko looked thoughtful. "I was about ninety-nine point nine percent sure he did like you."

"Then… this is just a big misunderstanding…"

"Looks like it," Hibiki laughed.

Len stood there, feeling a relieved. They were misunderstanding each other. Shion-senpai thought he'd upset Len… Len had thought he'd upset senpai. "Hibiki… can we wait til tomorrow to do maths? I have something I need to do."

"Yeah, see ya tomorrow, Len!"

Not waiting for Aiko-san's replied, Len raced away from them. He needed to clear this up before things made a turn for the worse.

* * *

Gus and Shin were the first to greet Len when the turned up at Shion-senpai's home. They'd grown to him since he'd visited regularly over summer. "Hey you two," Len laughed, kneeling down. He was smothered in doggy kisses, which he didn't mind.

"Kagamine-kun?" Kaito's mother was the one to step out the door. She looked ready to go out somewhere. "What brings you here?"

"Ah… is senpai in? I have homework for him." It was a lie, but a good enough excuse. "I noticed he wasn't in today and Aiko said he'd lost his phone."

"Yes, the dimwit lost it at the hospital the other week. He got it back earlier, but it was dead. I believe he was still charging it when he went and had a lie down."

"So… he's asleep?"

"Was when I last checked. You can go in, however. I'm sure he'll be fine with it," she smiled. "Gus, Shin, inside now."

The dogs obeyed, racing into the house. "Are you sure. I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Nonsense," she laughed.

Accepting her offer, he stepped inside. She closed the door, leaving Len alone in the house. Gus ran circles around him while Shin waited patiently at the stairs. Taking his shoes off, he stepped further into the house. It was clear Kaito's father wasn't home either… so it was just them two.

He felt his heart jump. Ruffling Gus's fur he moved towards the stairs. The dogs raced pass him and up the staircase before disappearing into the room by the top of the stairs. There was a yet that was clearly human. "Gus! Shin! Don't jump on me like that!"

Len laughed lightly and climbed up the stairs. Shin raced out and waited for Len as he took the final steps. Then, he was outside Shion-senpai's room.

"Good you two are mad. What's up, Gus?"

Taking a deep breath, Len knocked on the bedroom door.

"Mum?"

Taking another deep breath, Len spoke up. "No… it's Len."

There was a brief moment of silence before the door opened up. Shion-senpai stood there, shirtless with his hair all over the place. He appeared nervous, if not a little hesitant. Not that Len could blame him considering he was currently misunderstanding the whole situation. "…I didn't realise you were coming over," Shion-senpai said hesitantly, stepping back into the room, leaving the door open as indication that Len could enter. "I suppose I should turn on my phone."

"I suppose," Len replied. "I did try to call… but Aiko-san told me that you'd lost your phone. I'm glad you got it back."

"So am I. I feel kind of naked without," Shion-senpai admitted, turning his phone on that sat charging on his bedside table. He kept his back to Len, maybe in hopes that Len would disappear when he turned back around, or in order to hide what he was feeling. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's fine."

There was a moment of silence again. Then, Shion-senpai turned around, a little flushed. "Anyways, I wanted to ap-"

"No."

"Huh?"

"I don't want you to apologize," Len told him. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I upset you."

"Believe it or not, these last three weeks I thought I'd upset _you_," Len smiled a little. "To be honest, I was surprised but…" he bit his lip, looking away timidly. "I'm glad you told me… I thought it was one-sided for a long time."

Shion-senpai stared, a little surprised at Len's comment. "Come again?"

"Idiot, I just admitted that I have feelings for you too." Len grumped out. "Besides, there are other things I need to tell you. There's a lot of things I need to clear up before we go too far."

"What do you mean?" Shion-senpai asked, sitting down on his bed. "What is there to explain?"

Len took a deep. "I've been too scared to tell you because I fear being rejected. I've avoided this conversation for a long time, and in result I've hurt your feelings and made you misunderstand. This is my fault… I've not communicated well with you."

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have been so pushy. It just made me angry that there was this whole thing that I wasn't a part of that. That there was a secret that related to me that no one wanted to share. I guess it made me uncomfortable."

"That's…" Len stopped, watching Shion-senpai for a moment. "I was scared to tell you I was transsexual; and I didn't want to be rejected because I liked you so much and I didn't want you to think I was disgusting or a freak and that scared me a lot so I never said anything-"

"Whoa! Len, _breath!_"

Len stopped, took a deep breath he'd forgotten to take while talking. "I… didn't want you to hate me."

"You thought I would hate you if I found out you were transsexual?"

"Yes."

Shion-senpai stared at him with a confused look. "Why the hell would I hate you if I found out you were transsexual?"

"Because I was actually born a girl but…"

"And? That doesn't change who you are to me. You're still Kagamine Len as far as I am concerned."

"Well…"

Shion-senpai sighed, shaking his head. "To be honest, I'm kind of relieved that's all it is."

"What do you mean?"

Shion-senpai smiled weakly. "Recall when you first met Meiko. You said something that left me wondering whether that was what you were hiding."

"When I mentioned castration?"

"Yes."

Len felt surprised. "No… No; I'm so sorry Kaito! I shouldn't… no that was never the case. It was the only thing I could think of that felt right. It just… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Laughing softly, Shion-senpai shock his head. "Like I said, I'm glad it wasn't the case. I swore I would have gone bloodthirsty if that was the case."

"My mother and I don't get along, yes; but she wouldn't be that low."

"Then… the reason your mother hates you is…"

"Because I'm transsexual," Len replied. "When Rin began showing signs of not wanting to be a boy, I knew I had to-"

"Wait… Rin's a _boy_."

"Yes, Rin was born a boy; that's why I took her and run. She didn't want cars and action figures, she wanted frilly pink dresses and to be a princess. Most children grow out of it… but I was scared for Rin's sake that if I'd left her with mum… well, you can guess why. A part of me hopes that in a few years Rin would decide she's a boy but until then, I'm supporting her. She wants to be a girl, therefore I respect that."

"Len…"

"Do you think that's fair of me?"

"I think that is," Shion-senpai smiled.

Len smiled back. "So… you're fine with the fact that I'm transsexual."

"Perfectly fine," Shion-senpai laughed. "Like I said, you're Len, regardless of whether you were born a girl or a boy. My feelings haven't changed. I still love you."

"I love you too," Len replied shyly.

Shion-senpai held his hands out. Anxiously, Len slipped his into Shion-senpai's, feeling all tingly as his warm hands held his. "This may sound out of the blue… but do you wanna stay here tonight. I'm on my own since mum and dad are going out for than anniversary. So…"

"We have school tomorrow."

"We could ditch."

"Kaito!"

Laughing, Shion-senpai stood up. "Come on, I'll make you dinner and we'll have a movie night. It'll be a blast."

"I'd have to let Gakupo know to take Rin for tonight."

"Then it's a date!"

* * *

**AN: This chapter was going to be a long chapter... but then I was like "No, I'll make them wait to find out what happens that night" ;) I'm so cruel. This chapter went through so many changes on how Kaito was meant to find out Len was transsexual, but out of all the ways he was going to find out... this is by far my most favourite. Kinda anti-climatic but meh hahaha. Also, I found out something really interesting. Did you know that Kaito doesn't have a surname!**

**"****KAITO is often mistakenly called "Kaito Shion" or "Shion Kaito", particularly by overseas fans. "Shion" was a fan term used to refer to him during the 2007-2009 period and due to its common sighting, was incorrectly used by fans as his surname even by the VOCALOID4 engine's release. Officially, the character is known just as "KAITO" and no surname is given to him." -Vocaloid Wikia**

**Whaaaaaa, Poor Kaito. He wasn't good enough to get a surname. Crypton, get on it and make him an offical surname... NAU! ...Please. Also! Kaito's birthday was the other day! He's now 9 years old! Our little baby's growing up!**

**Also, I'm working on a new KaiLen story! It's still in development, and won't be out for sometime, but I hope you all look forward to it when it does. I'll keep you posted on when I'm gonna release it!**


	21. Lack of Update PLUS PREVIEW

Hello Everyone,

It's been a while since I updated a chapter for this. I am sorry about this. There has been a lot going on in my life, a lot of personal problems that have made me more depressed than I have been. It has made writing very difficult; and with no inspiration I have decided not to write. I didn't want to half ass the story, so this break is necessary. Like, I said, I am really sorry about this. In good news, he's a preview of what I've already written for the next chapter. Please enjoy it!

Thank you,  
MotherNight92

* * *

**[PREVIEW] Chapter Twenty-One**

He was all snuggly and warm that he didn't want to move; but he needed to _pee_! Desperately needed too…but it was all too warm here. Mumbling to himself, he opened his eyes and stared face-first into a bare chest. Grinning slightly, he tried wiggling out the grip of the person only to be pulled closer.

Groaning, he poked at the person's chest. "Kaito… I need to pee. Let go of me."

Shion mumbled back, but didn't let go.

"Kaito! I need to _pee_. You don't want me to wet the bed!"

Another mumble. A groan. The arms around him slowly gave way. Wiggling out, Len particularly had to crawl over Shion to get from the bed to the door. It took a few efforts after stumbling over discarded clothing, controllers and other discarded items they'd left around after they night in. It was too dark to see what else was on the floor; he just hoped he didn't step on any discs!

The trip to the bathroom was a struggle considering he didn't know where the light switch were and to put on the lights. It probably took longer than it should have to go toilet. By the time he got back, he could just tell that Shion had decided to spread out all over the bed.

He wandered over and stopped at the bed and begun to poke at Shion on the cheek. "Kaito! Move! I can't get back into-eek!"

Suddenly, the air from his lung was gone. In one swift, sudden movement Shion had reached out, grabbed Len's arm and pulled him on top of him. It took Len a moment to catch his breath. "…Len…welcome…back," Shion mumbled between yawns. "It…was cold…without you."

Sitting up, Len looked down at Shion who was either half-asleep… or well and truly out of it. It was hard to tell, it was too dark. Was there somewhere between half asleep and asleep? Maybe it would be better to describe Shion as "almost asleep", rather than asleep. Then again… "I had to pee."

"I know…" Shion yawned. "Len…?"

"What?"

Shion muttered something, but Len didn't catch what it was. Shion was fast asleep now. Smiling, Len rolled next to him and snuggled up. There was still a few hours left before morning, and he was planning to enjoy every minute of sleep he was going to get.


	22. Together

**Chapter Twenty-One**

He was all snuggly and warm that he didn't want to move; but he needed to _pee_! Desperately needed too…but it was all too warm here. Mumbling to himself, he opened his eyes and stared face-first into a bare chest. Grinning slightly, he tried wiggling out the grip of the person only to be pulled closer.

Groaning, he poked at the person's chest. "Kaito… I need to pee. Let go of me."

Shion mumbled back, but didn't let go.

"Kaito! I need to _pee_. You don't want me to wet the bed!"

Another mumble. A groan. The arms around him slowly gave way. Wiggling out, Len particularly had to crawl over Shion to get from the bed to the door. It took a few efforts after stumbling over discarded clothing, controllers and other discarded items they'd left around after their night in. It was too dark to see what else was on the floor; he just hoped he didn't step on any discs!

The trip to the bathroom was a struggle considering he didn't know where the light switch was. It probably took longer than it should have to go toilet. By the time he got back, he could just tell that Shion had decided to spread out all over the bed.

He wandered over and stopped at the bed and begun to poke at Shion on the cheek. "Kaito! Move! I can't get back into-eek!"

Suddenly, the air from his lung was gone. In one swift, sudden movement Shion had reached out, grabbed Len's arm and pulled him on top of him. It took Len a moment to catch his breath. "…Len…welcome…back," Shion mumbled between yawns. "It…was cold…without you."

Sitting up, Len looked down at Shion who was either half-asleep… or well and truly out of it. It was hard to tell, it was too dark. Was there somewhere between half asleep and asleep? Maybe it would be better to describe Shion as "almost asleep", rather than asleep. Then again… "I had to pee."

"I know…" Shion yawned. "Len…?"

"What?"

Shion muttered something, but Len didn't catch what it was. Shion was fast asleep now. Smiling, Len rolled next to him and snuggled up. There was still a few hours left before morning, and he was planning to enjoy every minute of sleep he was going to get.

* * *

"Where were you yesterday?"

Len jumped at the voice before turning around to find Aiko-san walking up beside him. He'd decided to leave early for school so he could catch up on the work he missed out yesterday… after sleeping in. Not that he was the only one who didn't show up. Embarrassed, Len looked away. "I…stayed over senpai's place."

"Wait…you stayed at Kaito's place? Woah, what happened?! Did you two fix things?" She asked curiously. He knew she wasn't being nosy for any other reason than to make sure he was ok. Of course, why wouldn't he be? Then again…

"Well… I guess we did. I mean, I stayed over there after all…" Len felt his voice trailing. "I told him about…you know." He didn't particularly want to say it out loud since they were surrounded by other students walking to school. "I guess… I felt it was time to tell him."

"Len…" Aiko-san looked unsure for a moment. "And…he was ok with it?"

"He said he was…and he seemed fine with it. After all, I stayed the night and had dinner and watched movies…he wouldn't have invited me to stay if he wasn't right?"

"I suppose not," Aiko-san agreed. "Kaito isn't that kind of person after all. I bet Rin had a blast staying with Kamui-senpai, right?"

Len smiled. "She did." Then, he sighed. "Aiko…I'm still scared you know. Of people finding out. It's one thing having both you, Hibiki and senpai knowing…but what would happen if everyone in class knew."

"Well, the status quo is forever changing, Len. The future is uncertain. Besides, it's none of their business. If you don't want others to know, then why the hell should you tell them? You are your own individual person. You have every right to keep it as a secret."

Biting his lip, Len nodded. "I suppose…but what about your brother. He…he's told people, right?"

"You are both different people. No one expects you to be like him. I certainly don't."

"Aiko…"

"Good morning!" Hibiki's overly cheerful voice interrupted them. "Today is a lovely do for snooping. So…what happened between you and Shion?" He winked at Len as he came up beside them.

"Hibiki…you're early?" Len countered, changing the subject. "Since when do you come to school this early?"

"Ouch," Hibiki scoffed. "Because I had a feeling you'd need maths help this morning; since, you know, you didn't show up yesterday."

Right, he had told Hibiki they'd do maths yesterday…Oh well. "Sorry…" Len replied meekly.

"It's fine. No harm done," Hibiki grinned. "So…what happened?"

"About what?"

"You know, Shion and you."

"They made up," Aiko-san said, cutting in before Len had a chance. "So everything is good."

"Well, that I guessed. What I'm talking about is-"

"Ahhhh!" Len slammed his hand over Hibiki's mouth. "We don't have time for this! I have homework to do!" And with that, Len bolted away.

* * *

"Good morning," Ryunnosuke joined Aiko and Hibiki on the walk to school. They seemed bothered by something. "Did something happen?"

"Oh, good morning Ryu," Aiko greeted him with a smile. "It's nothing. Baka-ekey just upset Len."

"I did not!" Hibiki complained. "Ne~! Ryu, did you here the news?"

"What news?"

"Len and Kaito are finally dating!"

Aiko growled at him. However, Ryunnosuke shrugged it off. "I guessed it was going to happen sooner or later."

"What happen sooner or later?"

"Kaito! Good morning!" Aiko smiled as Kaito came around the corner just ahead of them. "We heard! I'm glad things are good between you and Len!"

"Oh, did you see him this morning?"

"He was here…he ran off though. Something about homework," Hibiki smiled.

"We should hurry along too. Otherwise Len is going to struggle through his maths homework."


	23. Something's Wrong

**A/N: I just finished this chapter a few minutes ago. There will be mistakes because I haven't edited it.**

**ALSO, WELCOME BACK! I mean, I'm back... kinda. Ok, so I've made a goal for myself. I'm going to finish this story by March. I've been in the groove for writing, hell, in the past week alone I've written SEVEN CHAPTERS for my own story, FORTY PAGES of history for it as well. I've been in the groove... plus I don't want to leave this unfinished. Everythings going to wrap up soon. Aiming for thirty chapters at least. I don't know if I'll start another fanfiction, I have two I've never finished and seem to be way too slack to write anything (plus, I'm lacking ideas... eeep!) So, here's chapter 22. I hope you all enjoy, sorry about the wait!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_Everything came in a blur. His body ached, his mind raced. No, this couldn't be happening. They were… no, he couldn't allow this. Just because __**she**__ turned up didn't mean he couldn't protect Rin. No! They weren't going to take her from him. Even if he had to run, he would. The pain __**she**__ caused was nothing. He could deal with this; he __**would**__ deal with this. For Rin…_

* * *

"…What…?"

Aiko glanced at Len for the briefest of moments before turning back to Kaito. They're history project long forgotten, remained spread out across the library table. Hibiki, who was also part of their group was currently nowhere to be seen. "I don't think sensei cares, Kaito! You can argue with him all you want, but _he_ won't listen. Don't you think Hibiki and I already had this discussion with him.

"Of course," Kaito grumbled back, looking at Len's confused expression. Poor kid, he'd completely tuned out of the conversation and had no idea what was going on any more. "But this is _ridiculous_! It's not like the school has _that_ much money."

"It was a friend of the school who's doing this. Our school has missed out on a lot of great opportunities, so they want to make it up to them. Besides, we're already stated that we were not going on the school's money. My parents are offering to pay so we can go see Katsurou team swim. If they win, could you imagine the amount of interest they'll receive. We have to cheer him on! I mean, this is getting beyond a joke."

"Wait!" Len spoke out. "What are we talking about?"

"Katsurou and the swim team are being sponsored by the Principle's friend so they could go to the semi-finals," Aiko replied, closing her history book. "Katsurou wants us to go… but the school can afford us to go with them, so mum and dad are offering to pay. Because of that, sensei has been trying to argue with the school that if we go, why can't the rest of the school?"

"Well, we know for a fact that there isn't anywhere for the school to go," Kaito shrugged. "Because of that reason, he's now trying to argue it out with the Principle that we shouldn't go. Of course, we've been to every tournament the swim team has entered. We're not missing this one!"

"Exactly, we're Katsurou's personal cheer team!" Aiko grumped then sighed. "This is a joke. Stupid sensei."

"Who is going then?" Len asked.

"Well, us for starts. Ryu said he he'll be there as well. And a few friends of Katsurou and the swim team are going to be there. Akihiro-senpai, who's the captain of the swim team has offer to pay for a few of his friends to go as well. All up, I think there's going to be thirty of us from the school."

"_Thirty?!"_ Len gasped. "Thirty of us!"

"Uh-huh," Aiko nodded. "This is Akihiro-senpai's last tournament. If he doesn't make it, he's already stated he's giving up swimming. That'll kill Katsu, since he looks up to Akihiro-senpai."

"I've… never met Akihiro-senpai…" Len mumbled.

"He was that really bulky guy," Kaito commented. "Black hair, slight stumble on his face. He's one of the two third years on the team…" Kaito gave it a moment's thought. "He was the one who won silver in the backstroke the other month."

"Oh, I remember," Len answered… but didn't really. He couldn't actually remember the swim team at all.

"Other that Akihiro-senpai, there's Hotaka-senpai whose the other third year. In the second years, there's Isao-senpai, Hideaki-senpai, Norio-senpai and Ryota-senpai. Then there' Katsurou and Satoru-kun, who sits beside Katsurou. You should remember Satoru-kun. Then there's Seiji-kun, who's in the class across from us. He won't be swimming though, since he broke his foot."** [1]**

They were just names to Len, if he were to be honest. He just nodded as if he understood what they were saying. "Seiji-san is going anyway, though. He wants to see the others swim."

"So… does anyone from the swim team count towards the thirty students?" Len asked quietly.

"Everyone except Seiji is excluded from the number." Aiko replied. "Poor Seiji… he was looking forward to it. I've seen him sulking at practice these last few weeks."

"You've been going to their practice?" Kaito asked with a grin.

"Not really, but Hibiki has been going over to see Katsurou."

"Speak of the devil," Len replied as the library door opened and a sleepy looking Hibiki wandered in. "Where were you Hibiki?"

"Being blasted by sensei," he whined as he plopped down beside Aiko. "Man, he's an ass."

"Which sensei? Our homeroom sensei?"

"Who other. He's still going on about it. But several of the other students going join me… we might win this!"

"I hope so!" Aiko bubbled. "Did you get Norio-senpai go with you. I think he had a bone to pick."

Hibiki nodded but looked a little pale. "Did you know Norio-senpai is a murderer… because the look he was giving sensei could kill. He was terrifying… for someone who was talking through his toothy grin. Man, never put me on the same room as his again!"

"Law enforcer Norio-senpai to the rescue!" **[2]**

* * *

The sun was beginning to set as Len and Kaito left the school grounds. They parted ways with Aiko and Hibiki beforehand. They didn't really want to stick around as the two began to letter a little… intimate with each other. Kissing and flirting was cute, but there was something awkward about Hibiki's attempts to flirt. Since Kaito was laughing more than he should, Len decided to pull the older teen out the room and departed school together.

Yawning lazily, Kaito began to slow his pace a little, forcing Len to slow as well. There was something weird about walking ahead, something that made him uncomfortable. It was a lot nicer walking beside Kaito. How long ago did Len admit he was trans? A month now? Len thought Kaito wouldn't have fussed as much as he did, but lately he'd been a little oversensitive when other guys were around. Maybe telling Kaito wasn't a good idea, but…Len knew it was better telling him than him finding out from someone else.

But something was wrong with Kaito. He wouldn't say, but he was agitated about something. Particularly when it came to shower time after sports. Len still went off before everyone else and was dressed before they got it, but Kaito was acting weird. Maybe he should… say something?

Glancing at Kaito, he wondered whether he should speak their mind. They were officially going out now, so he shouldn't be scared to say something. Or maybe… maybe Kaito was picking up something was wrong? Len had something important to say but…

Just as Len got the courage to speak up, Kaito halted, searching his pockets. "Shit, Len. I left my wallet. Go on ahead." And almost immediately, he bolted back to school. Was he… avoiding him? Len was sure Kaito had picked up his wallet and put it in his bag.

He was… avoiding him.

Suddenly Len felt incredibly hurt.

Len was going to wait. He needed to find out what was bothering Kaito.

* * *

Kaito found his wallet just outside school and sighed with relief. He'd put it in his bag, but had taken it out and hid it in his back pocket. Bad idea, clearly. Stuffing his wallet back into his bag, he headed towards home. What was he doing? Why was he being so sloppy lately…? Everything felt weird. He expected something different to happen right? Like… Len being more assertive. Hell, it was Len who'd been in love longer than Kaito. Why was Len… distant?

Was _he_ doing something wrong? Ok, he was annoyed at the other guys who'd begin to say weird things like _"Len has become cute…"_ or strange comments about their own sexuality every time they saw Len. They never said things like that before? Ok, Len had become a little sweeter since he confused… and Kaito kinda hinted at them that he and Len were together, but still. They weren't teasing either of them, they were dead set.

This swim thing scared him too. What happens if people found out? They still lived in a society that were abrasive to gay, lesbian and transgendered people. They didn't know for sure Kaito was gay, nor that Len was trans. But… what would they say? Would Len get teased because he wasn't "the norm"? It worried him to no end. Len was perfect to him. So what if he was born a girl and wanted to be a boy? That was his decision. Just because he never went through with the operation didn't change _anything_. If Len wanted to be a boy, then screw physical appearance and attributes, Len was a boy.

Which makes Kaito gay. And he was perfectly fine with that tag.

While he grumbled to himself, he noticed Len hadn't move from the spot he'd left him and cursed. Ok, Len was bothered by something. Maybe Kaito was doing something wrong. _I am so not used to this_!

"Len, I thought I said to go on ahead."

"You put your wallet in your bag," Len replied, almost accusing him of lying.

"I did, but I took it out and put in my back pocket. I did drop it," Kaito replied. "I wouldn't abandon you over nothing, Len."

Len pondered for a moment then winced. "Sorry… I shouldn't accuse you like that."

"It's fine," Kaito smiled back. Why was he so damn meek? "Come on, it's getting late. Your sister is probably wondering where you are by now."

"Gakupo would have her," Len reminded. "He…he's a better big brother than me sometimes…"

"Are you kidding yourself?" Kaito grumbled. "Len, Rin _adores_ you. You're doing the best you can for her. She understands that."

"She should have parents… a mum and dad who love her… a bigger home, toys, games and movies…" Len looked miserable. Then suddenly he began to sob. Oh god, this wasn't a good sign.

"Len, come here" Kaito whispered, pulling him close. "Tell me what's wrong. I can't help you when you don't tell me."

"It's nothing," Len choked out between sobs. "I just feel like… everything beginning to go wrong again. I feel confused and… and completely fucked up. Am I… am I doing something wrong?"

"No, no Len, you're doing the best you can. Don't worry too much about it. If you need me, or Aiko or Hibiki, you know where we are. We'll help you if you ask us too."

Len mumbled something but Kaito didn't grab it. "Sorry… maybe I'm more of a girl than I thought," he laughed bitterly. "Girls are always overly emotional."

"Now that's kinda sexist. Men can be emotional too, idiot." Kaito laughed softly. "If you need to cry, just cry. It's better than making yourself numb to it." Then a thought popped into his mind. "_'Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long,'_ right? Don't fret too much about being emotional or crying, Len," Kaito whispered, wiping away the tears. "We naturally cry when we are hurt, or feel threatened emotionally. So don't fret too much. Plus, I'm always going to be here, so you can always cry on me. I won't mind."

Len's laugh was a mixture of sadness and sweetness. "Idiot."

"Well… that makes two of us," Kaito chuckled.

Len stepped away and brushed the tears away from his eyes. "Kaito… I've decided on what I'm going to do," Len looked up at him, suddenly confident. "I'm going to save the money I've been working on for my operation towards my college fund instead. I don't… I don't want to change anything else about myself anymore. I want to become a psychologist and help people who are going through the same thing as me."

Suddenly surprised, Kaito took it all in for a moment then smiled back, nodding. "I think you're perfect the way you are, Len. If you feel confident about your body the way it is, then there's no point changing it. If that's what you want to do, I'll support you the best I can."

His eyes lit up, and suddenly Len gave him the biggest, sweetest grin his could muster. Len knew what he wanted. That was the most important thing.

* * *

Aiko stepped in through the front door. "I'm home," she called before walking into the kitchen. Her parents sat across one another, piles of papers between them. They had a concerned look on their face, and were lost in thought. "What's all this?" Aiko asked, stepping closer.

"They want us to take in some more children but…" her mother began, looking towards the photos at the end of the table. "What do you think?"

Aiko picked up the photo, went pale and looked at them. This couldn't be… right…

* * *

**[1]** They are named, but not necessary important. Though you'll meet Seiji and Satoru. But they are not that important, just guys on Katsurou's swim team.

**[2]** Norio means "Man of Law" in Japanese, hence the nickname "Law enforcer Norio.


	24. Let Me Explain

**A/N: Blah... I make such unreleastive promises. "I'll finish this by March..." god I'm an idiot. Oh well, CHAPTER 23! This was going to be so different from what I originally planned... but I like this better. Get to engage with Katsurou this time round : D I neglected him so bad... he was meant to be a potential love interest... but I forgot about him : ( Sorry Katsurou... I remember you now : D ENJOY!**

**ps... Every time I right Katsurou, my computer wants to change it to ****Rapturous! xDDDDD Interesting still, Ryunnosuke becomes ****Cynosure; Hibiki becomes Bikini and Kaito becomes Waikato... sorry, I just had to say this. I'm amused by so many little things... but it is kinda 1 in the morning... xDDDDDDDDDD**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

_Suffocating… he was suffocating. The pain was so bad, but he continued to grit his teeth. He needed to be strong, even just for a little longer. He just needed to._

* * *

"Finally finished!" Hibiki screamed as they walked towards the hotel. The huge group seemed more excited than anything, but the swim team looked ready to fall over. Kaito held Katsurou up, who looked ready to fall asleep on the spot. Sadly, Katsurou didn't make it into the final, and looked horribly dejected, though Akihiro-senpai looked please as he'd just squeezed into the finals. There were still a few more days to go however. Didn't matter now, suppose, they were all tired and ready for bed.

Unfortunately, Katsurou, Hibiki and Ryunnosuke were sharing a room with Kaito and Len. The rest of the swim team with in another, and the other groups have been divided up as well. Five rooms had been booked for all over them. The hotel surprisingly had large rooms for big groups, which most had three king sized beds. Though Hibiki _refused_ to share his bed since he had a girlfriend and didn't want to be in bed with a "potential" rival. So, Katsurou and Ryunnosuke were sharing one bed, Kaito and Len were sharing the other. How this was going to work was going to be interesting.

Len didn't know what to do. Kaito and Hibiki knew Len was trans… but Ryunnosuke didn't… and Katsurou…

_"Then, if Len doesn't, that means I have a chance."_

It was something Katsurou said a long time ago. However, he never seemed to forwardly express himself in such a way. Maybe it was a joke? Regardless… would he be the same after he found out too?

* * *

"I'm going to get drinks," Len said, standing up from the bed. They'd huddled around on Hibiki's bed talking for a while. Before it got too late, Len decided to grab something to drink. "What do you all want?" he asked, look at each of them.

Kaito didn't answer since he had somehow fallen asleep sitting upwards. Hibiki wanted coke, Ryu just wanted juice and Katsurou… "I'll come with you. I don't know what I want," he said, sitting up. He still looked worn, but he got to his feet anyways. "I've got some spare change if that helps as well."

Len nodded, accepting Katsurou's help. The left the room quietly, not wanting to wake Kaito and wandered down the hall. For a moment, Len didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry…"

"Huh?"

"About… about the race. You practiced so hard and…" Len bit his lip. The drink machine was down by the lifts, and had only taken a few minutes to walk there. "You just seemed so… dejected."

"Don't worry about," Katsurou laughed heartily. "I still have four more races over the next two days, so there's plenty of time. Plus, it was my fault. I should have stretched my leg more before I joined the race. Fourth place wasn't bad either, considering I was swimming with a cramp."

"But… the breaststroke was…_is_ your best swim."

"Just because I lost the 100 breaststroke doesn't me anything, Len," Katsurou pointed out. "There's the 400 breaststroke tomorrow that I'm in. I'm also in the 300 hundred freestyle tomorrow as well. It'll work out. After all, this is Akihiro-senpai's ad Hotaka-senpai's race. They won't get this chance next year. I've got three years, Len. Plenty of time to improve."

Len gave it a moment's thought. "Ok… I'll still cheer you on tomorrow."

Katsurou smiled. "I know you will," then he went quiet for a moment. Len decided to find his change so they could get their drinks and return. "Kaito…" he started then hesitated. "Kaito seemed adamant about sleeping arrangements," he said, giving Len a strange look. "So… you two sharing seems a little suspicious."

"R-Really?" Len asked, looking down at his feet so Katsurou couldn't see the embarrassment.

"Yeah… It seems… weird. I mean, Hibiki being pretty determined to have his own bed I understandable, but Kaito being so damn adamant about sharing with you sparks more questions."

Len bit his lip. "Well…" he began. "I suppose that's just Kaito, right?"

"Hmm…" Katsurou was silent for the longest time before he grinned. "So… how far?"

Len began to choke, looking up at him with shock horror. "P-Pardon?"

"How far?" Katsurou pushed. "Come on, let's not pretend _nothing_ is going on. I'm not _that_ stupid."

"W-Why are you asking such a bold question?!" Len countered, stepping back. "W-What makes you think anything is going on?"

"So, you two aren't dating then?" Katsurou asked quietly. "So then I can get away with this right?"

"Get away with what-?" Len began, but the next thing Katsurou was suddenly right in front of him and…

…kissing him…

Suddenly, the distance between them was great as Len jumped as far away as he could, somewhat startled by the whole thing. A sudden cold sweat ran down his spine. _Oh god,_ how was he going to explain this?! "K-Katsurou-san…"

"Don't worry, I'm not as dense as you think," Katsurou gave him a satisfied smile. "I already know what's going on between you and Kaito."

"T-Then why?"

"I kinda wanted to see how you would react," Katsurou said, flipping a coin in his hands. Where ever that coin came from, Len had no idea, but regardless, there was something almost smug about Katsurou's smile. Only _just_ though.

"B-But…"

"I won't tell if you don't," Katsurou said, slipping the coin into the machine and punching a button. A grumble, a clunk and Katsurou fished out the can of soda and chucked it towards Len, who nearly dropped it. "Really, I won't try anything else. I'm not that much of an asshole, only a little bit of an asshole," he said. "Besides, the girls keep saying you two look cute together, so I'm pretty sure everyone in class has picked up on yours and Kaito's relationship."

"T-The whole class?"

"The _whole_ class."

Len felt another drop of sweat run down his spine. Oh great, the next thing they were going to find out… he gulped. He should be up front with Katsurou… he should be! "Katsurou-san…"

"Why so formal?" he asked, now looking a little concern. "D-Did I upset you that much? I promise, I won't-"

"I…I need to tell you and Ryu something but…" Len bit his lip. "I should be honest with you both… since you're my important friends."

"You can tell me anything," Katsurou smiled softly. "I won't judge you over anything."

_How can you say that when you don't know what it is…?_ "I… hope you mean that."

"Huh?"

* * *

When they stepped through the door, Kaito was still asleep, though now he'd fallen down on the bed, snoring (could you call it snoring? It wasn't that loud to be honest) his head off. Hibiki looked ready to sleep himself, but perked up at the sight of the soda in Len's hands. Jumping onto the bed, Len realised Kaito bolted straight up, and felt sorry for waking him up. He apologized, though Kaito brushed it off and fell back to sleep.

They sat up and talked for a while before Len took a deep sigh. He had to say _something_. How much longer was he going to continue lying to them.

"Oh right!" Katsurou spoke out, looking straight at Len. "Did you have something you wanted to tell Ryu and I?"

Maybe he wasn't ready to talk about- _NO! He had to say something!_ Len nodded, suddenly feeling really meek, prepared to crawl under the covers and never surface again.

Hibiki was blanked face for a moment before it clicked. "W-Wait… are you sure Len?"

"Wait, what do you know that we don't?" Katsurou challenged. "Wait, why are we out of the loop?"

"Because…" Len began but felt his voice disappear into silence.

"Because Len wasn't ready to talk about it," Kaito's sleepy voice filled the dead silence the Len had started. He gave Katsurou a tired look. "How we know wasn't because Len said anything, we _found_ out."

"If it's what I'm assuring," Ryunnosuke began, looking Len dead in the face, "Miku and I already know. We found out in middle school."

Len stared at Ryunnosuke, feeling unsure. "I don't think you do."

"No, we do," Ryunnosuke replied. "I never said anything because you never touched on it. However, I know what you are about to say."

"So… only I'm out the loop," Katsurou grumbled. "I thought we were friends you guys, but no one tells me anything."

"That's not fair," Len replied. "It's not easy to talk about stuff like this…"

"Like what?"

"Len, if you don't wanna talk about it, don't," Kaito replied as Hibiki said "Don't pressure him, Katsurou. This shit takes courage."

"Well, if this is about coming out as gay, we've pretty much established it," Katsurou commented. "Or… is this bigger than being gay?"

"Bigger," Len said with a soft sigh. He'd give Ryunnosuke the benefit of the doubt, and talked directly to Katsurou. "Do… transgender people… bother you?"

Katsurou gave him a weird, if not a somewhat awkward look. "I wouldn't know; I don't know any…"

"Well…" Len began when Katsurou went quiet. "Now you do."

"Wait, wait wait wait, _wait_!" Katsurou jumped up, looking startled. "What do you mean, 'now I do'?"

* * *

**A/N: EEEEEEEPPPPP, LEN! WHAT'S KATSUROU GONNA THINK?!**


	25. Friends?

**A/N: So... I failed again... I won't make promises on when this gets finished... I can't keep them *sigh* Anyways. This chapter is REALLY short. The next one is pretty long, so I divided them up.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

There was this awful silence. Katsurou looked dumbfounded as he jumped to his, looking around the room in confusion. "Wait, wait, _wait!_ What do you mean, 'now I do'?"

"Are you that stupid?" Kaito, Hibiki, and surprising Ryunnosuke all said collectively.

"I don't understand; I'm allowed to not understand!" Katsurou snapped. "Explain to me."

"Katsurou, on my birth certificate, I was categorised as a female," Len said, trying to sound confident. If he weakened now, Katsurou would just end up being more confused. "I don't want to be female, so, I'm began to go through hormone treatment. Figuratively speaking, I haven't had the operation to change my sex, so I'm physically still a… female, but I'm not… do…do you get it?"

"Soooooo…" Katsurou said, moving his hands in a gesture to go on. "You're…not a guy?"

"I…I am, but according to my register, I still am a female because I still have… well… female parts."

"I…see…" he said, hesitating for a brief moment. "And… this bothers you why?"

"Why the hell do you think this bothers him?!" Hibiki snapped. "He wants to be a dude, if people saw him naked they wouldn't accept him a dude. Is that hard to understand?!"

"Well… women kinda have, you know, a top part." He groped his own chest as he made a statement.

"Did you not pay attention to anything Len just said," Kaito grumbled. "Len went through _hormone_ treatment. He hasn't developed those because he's stopped his body from developing them."

"So… this is a problem because…?" Katsurou replied. "Why… would this bother me?"

"Stop hesitating while talking, it sounds like you do have a problem with it," Ryunnosuke replied.

"I'm allowed to hesitate. I don't wanna say something to piss anyone off."

"You already have," Kaito grumbled.

"What do you mean, I already have?! Because I don't get it? I am freaking allowed to not get shit," he replied hotly. "So what if Len was born a chick. Len is Len, so I'm not bothered, ok?!"

"Damn it, Katsurou; just say it a little louder why don't you?!" Kaito was on his feet, grumbling harshly. "It's not like the world needs to freaking know."

"Why is it a problem," Katsurou challenge, then looked Len dead in the face. "I'm not some fifty-year-old, fat, sexist bastard who sits on his ass and shouts that all women belong in the kitchen, I seriously don't care what you are. Man, woman, male, female, trans, it doesn't matter! It how _you_ choose to define yourself. You have, from day one, defined yourself as a man, so you are a man, there's no ifs or buts about this stuff. If you tell someone and they can't accept it, it's their fucking loss. You are perfect with all the flaws that comes with being human. So what, you have a vagina, does that change you; I don't think it changes you. Why does it have to change you, why the hell does your sexual organs have to define you?"

Everyone was silent. Flabbergasted for sure.

Katsurou took a really long and deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is that, regardless of social norms, you are who you are. You're unique, you define yourself, you choose to stand out the crowd. If we were all the same, this world would be bloody boring."

Everyone was still silent until Len began to laugh. Tears welled in his eyes, and he wasn't quite sure if he was relieved, upset or happy.

* * *

"You okay?" Kaito's voice was quiet. Everyone had settled into bed, Katsurou had an early race so he needed sleep. Len wasn't sure if he had an answer. He'd hidden it from everyone that his hands were trembling fiercely. After Katsurou's outburst, Ryunnosuke finally told Len how he and Miku worked it out. It was so simple; it had been an incident just like Kaito's. He'd walked in while Len was changing for the culture festival. He had never alerted Len he had been there because he hadn't wanted to upset him. He had confined him Miku, who he trusted to keep it secret. They both came to the same conclusion; Len was precious to them. This wasn't going to change anything for them.

"I wish I knew," Len whispered back, rolling over to cuddle up into Kaito's chest. Kaito's warm arms wrapped around him, holding him close.

"You're trembling all over…"

"I know. Trust me, I know."

"…Did things work out the way you thought?"

"No, they didn't," Len admitted weakly. "I expected a confrontation… that Katsurou would say something nasty or… you know, try and embarrass me. I won't really know what happens until it happens… but Katsurou is popular… and he says stupid things from time to time, so I'm scared that he'll let it loose. I'm terrified that people will… react badly. To be honest, Katsurou's reaction was really bad… but wasn't if you get what I mean."

Kaito hesitated, probably thinking of what to say. "He's not the brightest light in the room, but he's pretty empathetic. I don't think he'd humiliate you… it's not in him."

Maybe… but Len still didn't know for sure if telling Katsurou was the right thing to do.

* * *

**A/N: So the next chapter deals a lot with Katsurou... so look forward to that xDDDDDD**


	26. Katsurou

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

"…How did this happen?" Len choked out as he trailed behind Katsurou late the next night. The day had whizzed pass them so quickly that by the time they arrived back at the hotel, the group had decided to play a Test of Courage game. It was simple, there was a shrine near the mountain edge, all they had to do was go there and get back. They had drawn names from a hat, and sadly… Kaito had been paired with a girl neither of them knew. When it came to Katsurou drawing a name, he drew Len's… and here they were, Katsurou two steps ahead with the dim flashlight and Len creeping behind him, scarred at every damn shadow that appeared. "How the hell did this happen?" Len asked again, though he didn't think Katsurou would reply… since he asked the same damn question several times by now.

"Because they're asshole?" Katsurou finally pipped in, more amused than Len expected. "Come on, it's not that scary."

"Do you realise where we are," Len retorted. "We're in the middle a forest, heading to an abandoned shrine… at night… there's no moon… and all we have is a damn flashlight. What if it dies?"

"I have my phone, it has a light in it," Katsurou replied. "Plus, it's not _abandoned_, just not visited often. If we stick to the path, we'll get there and back without a problem."

"That's what they _told_ us. This could be a trap."

"I'm pretty sure you're the only trap," was Katsurou reply.

"Are you insulting me now?"

"Of course not," Katsurou replied. "When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, 'hot damn, I'm a sexy man'."

"I _am_ a man."

"A boy," he corrected. "You are a boy, not a man."

"If you have a problem with me-"

"Shit Len," Katsurou jumped, but it wasn't from their conversation. In that split second the flashlight gave out leaving them in the dark. Len would have screamed if Katsurou didn't slam his hand over Len's mouth. "One, I don't have a problem. But seriously, you're not exactly masculine. Second, why did you jinx us!"

"I didn't mean too!" Len whimpered when Katsurou pulled his hand away. "You have your phone right?"

Katsurou rummaged around in the dark before the light from his phone brightened up the scenery. "Good thing I charged this."

"Don't jinx it!" Len cried out, realising he really was crying. "I don't like this."

"We're nearly there," Katsurou looked ahead and went silent for a moment. When he turned back, he held out his free hand. "Come on, I'm with you. Just… grab my hand and stay close, ok?"

Len didn't hesitate to take Katsurou's hand. He followed behind him, feeling embarrassed that he'd begun to cry. This place was too scary! "…I'm sorry…"

"About what?"

"…About…" Len's voice drifted. "I bet you would have preferred a girl over… me." Katsurou was silent. In fact, he'd been awkward this whole time, from the very damn moment they woke up. "The girls were disappointed too… though the girl who ended up with Kaito was starry eyed… I hope she doesn't try anything with Kaito…"

Katsurou muttered something, but Len didn't catch it.

"…If you had some other girl… she probably would confess right? Lots of girls like you… I mean, I understand why… and I get why everyone likes Kaito too. Kaito's really nice, and always happy… he doesn't seem to care about the bad things… I never know if he really likes being with me… or if I'm overthinking… but-"

Again, Katsurou muttered something. This time he sounded frustrated. Again, Len didn't catch it.

"But maybe I'm just being silly, right? I'm probably thinking like a girl, huh? Not knowing what-"

"I get it!" Katsurou shouted. "Ok, I get it, Len." He took a deep breath then apologized. "If you like, we can wait for Kaito's group?"

"No… I just wanna get out of here."

"That makes two of us."

"…Katsurou… you hate me now, don't you?"

Katsurou stopped walking, but didn't turn around. "What do I say, Len? I was honest when I said you were you, and whatever you were didn't matter… but it does. It matters a lot to me. Not because you're a girl who wants to be a guy, not because you _are_ a guy… but because…" Katsurou sighed. "I don't get it, Len. I don't know why I feel bothered about it, but I am." He turned around, looking at Len. "Maybe it's because I am some fat bastard who thinks all women should be in the kitchen… or maybe because I'm a horny bastard who really thought I had a chance with you then suddenly got whacked in my face." He laughed bitterly. "I thought I was gay… then you come out as trans and then I'm not so fucking confused because I like girls…but I liked you too. I don't understand if I should call myself bi because let's face it, you're still a girl in some aspects. You want to be a guy, but you are a girl; but…you're not. If just fucks with my head. I almost told my parents I was gay… but I don't even know. I just… don't." he turned away, almost ashamed. "It's scary… not knowing what you are… who you are. But then again… you probably feel that a lot right?"

So… these we're Katsurou's true feelings. That was why he hesitated.

"I didn't want to say anything in front of Kaito. Since he's been with you, he's been irritable. It's frustrating because all you two talk about is each other… and it makes me sick. You both nauseating me but not because I hate you two. I'm jealous as fuck. I should have done something… but I was pretty much removed from the picture. _I _removed myself from the picture. Maybe I subconsciously knew I didn't have a chance, or maybe because I was too stupid to see the romance between you two. I mean, come on; let's look at the beginning of the year, you practically loathed him. He said some dumb shit to you in the first instant… then you two are bum buddies…"

"I never loathed Kaito!" Len shouted. "I was angry… but I've always liked Kaito."

"Which meant I never had a chance," Katsurou whispered. "What's so good about him? What do you like about him?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Len replied. "What do you like about me?"

"Everything," Katsurou whispered. He reached up, caressing Len's check. "Your smile, your laugh. I even like your crying face. Your eyes sparkle from time to time, and it's bewitching. You're beautiful."

Len felt his heart jump. Oh god, this was getting _serious_. Len pulled away, but Katsurou stepped forward. "I'm flattered, but I'm sorry. I like Kaito."

"But what does he _like_ about you? What do you like about him?"

Len didn't have an answer. He was just drawn to Kaito. Clearly Katsurou took his silence the wrong way.

"You don't know what you like? Isn't that the most important part about being in a relationship? If there's nothing you can say, doesn't that mean you're feeling are superficial?"

"They're not!" Len yanked his hand away, pulling away from him. "You wouldn't understand. We are connected through our scars. He was told he was going to die, told to _give up_! I was beaten the moment I told my mother I wanted to be a guy. _Beaten, _to near_ death, Katsurou_! Every day is a struggle, every _day_ I'm breaking at the seams. Kaito keeps me together. He cares about me, and hasn't acted like an ass over what I am. He doesn't care if I'm trans, doesn't care if I was born a girl, that I want to be a boy. He loves me because of _who_ I am. Who _I_ am! Not my gender, but my personality, my attitudes. He loves me for my strengths, my weakness… he loves _me_! Not some image he created of me. He _loves __**me**_!"

Katsurou stood there, just stood there. He didn't look particularly dumbfounded, but he was taken back. Len held his body close, trying to hide the fact his hands were trembling violently. "What makes me any different?"

"I don't know," Len snapped. "I don't fucking know, Katsu! I don't even care! I don't care if you hate me now. I just don't want to talk about this. I don't like you that way, never have, and never will."

Katsurou turned away. He didn't say anything for a long moment. Len couldn't see his face, but he saw Katsurou's shoulders trembling. Was he-

"Len!?" A familiar voice appeared out for know where before a flash of light blinded him. He couldn't exactly see who it was, but he knew Aiko's voice. She was with a boy… he was a bulky guy, so Len wondered if it was Akihiro-senpai form the swim team. "What happened?! Are you two ok?!" She asked, racing towards them.

Len went to answer, but Katsurou replied. "Len was scared, so we were being cautious." Len turned to Katsurou who turned back, smiling as if nothing happened. "Right Len? Gotta be careful not to wander off the path. Since our torched died, we have had trouble keeping to the path."

He couldn't _believe_ it! How could he act like nothing happened! "I thought this would happen," the other boy replied. "Katsu, you weren't trying to scare…" he looked at Len, as if trying to find a name. "It's Kagamine-san, right?"

Len nodded in reply. "Oh Len!" Aiko cried, wrapping her arms around him.

"I wasn't trying to scare him. Seriously, our torched died, right Len?"

"Are you sure nothing happened, Kagamine-san?" the boy asked, countering Katsurou who huffed a sigh.

Len opened his mouth to tell the truth when he realised Katsurou was staring at him intently. "Katsurou is right… I was just scared because the torch died."

"Norio-senpai," Aiko looked at the boy who nodded. "We'll go on ahead, if that's ok?"

"Yeah, we'll just catch our breath here for a moment," Katsurou replied. Len watched Aiko walk away from them, wishing he'd told the truth. He was pretty sure the boy with her suspected something else though. Once they disappeared into the darkness, Katsurou took a very deep breath and held it for a long time. "I'm sorry… I'm being a total asshole. I get like this when I get jealous…" Katsurou looked at him, giving Len an apologetic look. "Really… you can hate me Len. I'm pretty much a douchebag anyways."

"It's…it's not like that, Katsurou. I… I made thing worse by saying mean things."

"Can I… tell you a little bit about my childhood while we walk?"

Len nodded, curious to know who Katsurou was. They started walking against, taking it slow.

"…I grew up in a household where everyone competed with everyone. My dad was pretty big business man you know, owned his own company. He was always a very scary presence in my life. He would beat me when I failed at something because my brothers were always achieving things. I never saw my mother, she walked out on us when I was two… I don't even know her name or her face. I was an outcast… still am," Katsurou took a moment to catch his breath, his voice straining. Maybe he had been crying earlier… and felt like crying still. "My dad got into an accident, lost all mobility in his lower body. He can't walk, and is constantly angry. My brothers blame me for it, even though I never did anything wrong. Since dad no longer had mobility, he stopped abusing me. He has to be cared for, so people would have seen the abuse… instead my brothers would kick me down."

"I… didn't know."

"I know, I never told anyone," Katsurou replied. "I took my anger out on other people… I would kick people, punch them… even bite because I was so angry at my situation. I take me stress out on other people… and it's scary. I left home a year ago, been living with my grandfather because I don't feel safe at home. He reported the abuse… but I wouldn't testify. I'm too scared to. Most of the people on dad's side are scary people… but not my grandfather. He's nice. He was distressed over the fights his children had when dad could no longer work. He never wanted them to be like this, but they were. I'm no better. I hoped that if I did something big… I would find my mother." Len realise then and there that Katsurou was definitely crying. "I want to know why she abandoned me… didn't she love me? Was I a bad kid? If she didn't like dad… why didn't she take me with her? I want to find her because I need to know. I hate feeling like this. I'm confused, I'm scared… and I'm very alone."

"But you're not," Len replied. "We're here… we're your friends."

"I don't think you noticed, but the four of you – Aiko, Hibiki, Kaito and you – are pretty close. It's had to penetrate that… I feel more like an outcast than you think."

Len never realised this was how Katsurou felt. Did Ryu feel the same too? "Then you should say something… should have said something. We can't help if we don't know how to. I always thought you were very included in everything. You never seemed bother so how were we supposed to know."

"I didn't want you to know…" Katsurou replied. "I was taught that it was best to keep your mouth shut. I would get beaten at home just for talking sometimes. So I never said anything…didn't think it was worth it."

Len bit his lip. He had been just the same. He knew better now. "Katsurou… you can't use your past as an excuse for things. You are who you are today because you choose to be. But Katsurou… you're a better person than you think. To be honest, I felt really included because you and Kaito really tried… I probably should have talked to you more…"

"It's ok. I heard you and Kaito talking last night. You didn't trust me enough… but I guess you didn't know me well enough to." Katsurou replied, wiping his tears away. "I should have tried harder to get to know you too. But… I am grateful… that you trusted me enough to tell me the truth. In all honesty… I don't hate you. I don't think there's anything wrong with being transgender… I just wished I knew sooner. Maybe I wouldn't be so confused about my feelings." He took a deep breath to calm the shakiness in his voice. "I tried avoiding you so I could work it out… guess I'm just too dumb to though."

"You're not dumb!" Len snapped. "Don't put yourself down because others did. You are one of the nicest people I have met. I should be thanking you for not hating me!"

Katsurou laughed, but it sounded sad. "I… I won't push my feelings on you," Katsurou finally said. "But… I think I just need time to get myself together. So…if I don't talk to you for a while… you know why."

Len bit his lip and decided he needed the last say. "Katsurou. I can face my past. Maybe before you consider talking to me… you might want to face yours too."

Katsurou smiled, and didn't add anything to it. Hopefully… he will.

* * *

**A/N: Katsu needed some loving.**


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